


To Spare the Conquered and Battle Down the Proud

by La_Marquise



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Roman AU, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:29:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 71,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Marquise/pseuds/La_Marquise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>De-anon from the Kink Meme </p><p>Slave AU - Roman soldier Germany acquires North Italy as a slave.  At first he finds him a nuisance, but eventually grows to care for the young man.  Romanized names have been used, but it should be fairly easy to figure out who everyone is!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dolor et Amissio

Tu regere imperio populos,  
Romane, memento  
(hae tibi erunt artes), pacisque imponere morem,  
parcere subiectis et debellare superbos.  
“Romans, remember to rule people with power, and to impose the morals of peace (for these will be your crafts), to spare the conquered, and battle down the proud.  
\- Vergil

 

Twelve years. It had been twelve years since Caesar Augustus had ordered XX Valeria Victrix, the Twentieth Victorious Valerian Legion, into Hispania. Twelve long years of attempting to subdue the Cantabri and the Astures, of the bloodiest, most devastating warfare suffered by Romans in the name of conquest. Rome had underestimated the strength of the Iberians. Rome had forgotten the zeal of a people defending their home. And Rome had paid dearly for it.

“Mortuus est.” 

Lucius Germanicus had paid dearly for it.

“Me paenitet....” 

The young auxiliary waited anxiously for some kind of reply from his superior, hoping to be dismissed. Germanicus’ icy blue eyes had glazed over upon hearing the news. Mortuus est… dead. He is dead. My brother is dead. It was unreal. Surely the young man who stood before him was misinformed somehow. Mortuus…  
He had been alive but a few hours before. Laughing, joking about the lack of brothels in Tarraco, expressing his desire to plunder every Cantabrian and Asturian town he could find… Then the legion had heard the alarm. They were coming.  
The Cantabri and the Astures did not make organized attacks. If they had, then the Romans would have easily been able to annihilate them. No, they ambushed. They attacked from behind, with stealth, without dignitas. This disgusted and terrified Germanicus. Their lack of virtue was repugnant to him, for what kind of a man is such who cannot look his opponents in the eye? These backwards tactics, these most cowardly stratagems still managed to overcome the Roman army numerous times, despite the most carefully organized battle plans. Despite Germanicus’ best efforts, his brother still died… Mortuus…

“Sir?” The auxiliary’s questioning voice jolted Germanicus back to reality. 

“Did you see the death blow?” He asked softly, blue eyes locking with brown.

“Um… well…” The auxiliary began the stutter, nervous in the presence of the tall blonde man before him. “He- well-“

“Did you,” Germanicus stalked forward, bringing his face mere inches from the that of the young man, “or did you not,” he grabbed his arm, “see the death blow?” His voice had become strained with anger and bereavement. Words failed the auxiliary, and he merely shook his head.

“So you tell me that my brother is dead, but you did not see him die.” Germanicus tightened his grip on the young man’s arm. “Did anyone see him die?” No answer. “Answer me, you incompetent fool!”

“Germanicus!” Another officer made his way over, his eyes filled with concern. Germanicus started at the interruption, releasing his grip on the poor auxiliary’s arm.

“Germanicus,” the other officer began again, his voice stern. “It is true that nobody witnessed Gaius’ death, but they took him! We all saw him get carried off, and you know as well as anyone, that that is as good as a death sentence.”

Germanicus said nothing; the veracity of the other’s words was infallible.

“I’m sorry.” A hand was placed on his shoulder. Germanicus shook it off.

“Tibi gratias, Gallus,” he murmured, giving the centurion a curt nod before turning to the auxiliary, who was still trembling off to the side. “I apologize. I do not know what came over me. My mind has been addled by grief.” Before either of the two men could reply, Germanicus strode out of the tent.

So that was it, the. Gaius was gone. Either to his death or to slavery. Germanicus hoped for his brother’s sake that it was death. He knew that Gaius would sooner die than serve a man he considered to be beneath him.

“Frater…” Germanicus whispered, tears threatening to spill. “Mea culpa…”

 

The chieftain of the Astures was slain a few days later. Germanicus remembered him. That man would run into battle, brandishing a giant axe, his green eyes glowing as though illuminated by the fires of Vulcan’s forge. The morale of the Astures and Cantabri shattered after his demise, and the Roman army soon declared victory. For Germanicus, Rome had prevailed too late, but he was a dedicated soldier, and would dutifully carry out anything ordered of him.  
\---

“No hostages, then?” The officers were gathered together, having just received orders from their general. Germanicus shook his head.

“We are to kill every able bodied man in the villages. We may do as we like with the women and children, and may take any items of value we might find.” He nodded, thinking the orders reasonable. “I will tell my men that this is what Caesar Augustus commands, and they will obey.”

“Why are we not able to capture any of the men?” Gallus looked disappointed. “If they are able-bodied, surely they will fetch a good price on the market.”

Germanicus glared at the man. “Do not question Caesar’s orders. Men have been severely punished for less.”

“All right, fine. No able bodied man will live. What about weak effeminate men?” Gallus waggled his eyebrows, earning a snort of disgust from the other man. “May we do as we like with them?”

“Gallus, I think if given the option of death or a lifetime of servitude with you, any man, effeminate or not, would sooner throw himself on is sword.”

Gallus chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “I would hope he’d throw himself on mine…”

“Go and give your men the orders,” Germanicus sighed, scowling. “And Gallus, when you get the chance, cut your hair. You are beginning to look shamefully effeminate.”

His reprimand earned him a snort of laughter from the shorter man. “Whatever you say, Sir,” Gallus replied, striding away.

Germanicus shook his head disapprovingly. He had on many occasions wondered how such a man as Gallus had managed to not only survive in the army, but to advance in the ranks as well. Gallus was immoral, open to bribes, and openly engaged in illicit activities with men, traits that, at least to Germanicus, should not be displayed by any good Roman. Germanicus put Gallus’ behavior down to his Gallic ancestry. Having read many reports about the Gauls, Germanicus determined that they were an unruly bunch. To be fair, the same could be said about his own background. The Germanic tribes beyond the Rhine had been a cause of grief for the Romans for decades, but Germanicus had proven himself! He, his father, and his grandfather had all proven themselves to be worthy of Rome, and all had displayed many of the great Roman virtues.

Unlike these barbarians, he thought bitterly to himself. For the affront they had put to Rome, to his men, and to his family, they would pay dearly. Germanicus furrowed his brow, and set his jaw determinedly. When his men ransacked the towns at dawn, he would personally make sure that all able-bodied men would be captured, and duly crucified.

\---

The massacre had begun at dawn. The ground was stained a deep red by the blood of the slaughtered. Many of the men had tried to fight back, and were immediately put to the sword. A vast majority of women, too, had chosen to die rather than face a life of captivity. Houses were burned and looted, young women ravaged and carried away. By noon the screams had been replaced by the moans of the injured, the smoke had all but cleared, and just a half a mile away, the crucifixions had begun. Slowly and painstakingly the crosses were erected, the wooden beams groaning with the weight of the condemned. Soon a bloody forest covered the plain, and the pungent odor of death lingered in the air.

Germanicus surveyed the damages. He had not partaken in the raping or looting- he considered himself to be above such plebian things. He followed the orders he was given, carrying them out swiftly and efficiently, and nothing more. He was now surveying the wreckage for any survivors, telling himself that he merely wished to be thorough in his actions. No able-bodied man will live, he repeated to himself as he inspected the ruined households, ignoring the faint pleading shimmer of hope that somehow, against all odds, his brother would be there.

A rustling noise grabbed Germanicus’ attention. He slowly approached the rustling’s origin, gripping the hilt of his sword just to be safe. The noise seemed to be coming from a rather large pile of debris. Wasting no time, Germanicus drew his sword.

“All right,” he barked. “Out!” 

He heard a terrified squeak. “Come out of there!” He ordered again. “Or by the Gods I will drag you out!”

A frantic scrambling, and a soot-covered, bedraggled… thing, clad in what looked like a simple dress extricated itself from the pile. Germanicus blinked. Was this… a girl? He couldn’t tell- the individual was far too filthy for him to make a proper assessment. He pointed his sword. “Name!” he demanded, eyes blazing.  
With amazing speed that Germanicus was sure could have rivaled even the most talented of athletes, the ragamuffin dove towards him, and attached itself to one of his muscular legs.

“Clementia!” she (was it a she? Germanicus made his assessment based solely on the outfit) squawked shrilly? “Amabo te, clementia!”

Germanicus tried to take a step back, flustered, but only succeeded in falling backwards. The young woman still had his leg in a vice like grip, and had dissolved into a morass of tears, babbled native tongue, and broken Latin. Germanicus felt a complicated mixture of bafflement, pity and disgust. No one with an ounce of self respect, man or woman, should beg like that…

“SIR!” A soldier came sprinting over and pried the bawling mass of soot and rags off of him. “Are you all right? Were you attacked?” Germanicus could only blink in confusion. The soldier seemed to take this as an “Oh yes, this thing ambushed me!” and proceeded to draw his sword, fully intending to put the wretched creature out of its misery.

Germanicus snapped out of his confusion and found his voice. “No!” he cried out, just as the soldier was about to draw his blade across the throat of the bawling captive. It was the soldier’s turn to be confused now. “Sir?” he asked, his eyes filled with disbelief.

“I was not attacked,” Germanicus continued. “This poor creature was begging me for mercy… I am inclined to grant it.” His words earned him a skeptical look from the infantryman, who still had his sword drawn. Germanicus cleared his throat. “Clementia is a Roman virtue that is just as important as the others. I will handle the matter now. You may go.”

The soldier nodded and left, releasing the trembling Iberian, who prostrated herself before Germanicus. “Tibi gratias!” The stream of accented Latin began again. “Tibi gratias!” 

Germanicus sighed. “Get up,” he ordered. The babbling heap of rags complied. “Look at me.”

A pair of large brown eyes looked into his blue ones. Germanicus nodded to himself after scrutinizing the person before him. “I will bring you back to the camp and get you cleaned up. Then you will be placed with the other hostages, and brought back to Rome. Do you understand?”

He received a nod in reply, though Germanicus doubted whether his words were actually understood- he did not think that any of the Iberian tribes knew much Latin, and, judging by the limited vocabulary displayed by his newfound captive, this was no exception. He half expected the captive to make a run for the hills the moment his back was turned. With another sigh, Germanicus turned to go back to his men, and, much to his surprise, he was followed. This inexplicably pleased Germanicus, though nagging, guilty thoughts began to tug at his mind, and for good reason. For when he inspected the dress-clad Iberian, Germanicus had noticed something. An Adam’s apple. What he had thought was a (rather tall) young woman, was in fact a young man. Germanicus knew that he should have slain him the instant he had this revelation, but something stayed his hand. Perhaps it was the pathetic, utterly defeated look in the young man’s eyes, or maybe the constant begging for mercy that had appealed to Germanicus’ sympathetic side. It was also just as likely that over a decade of constant warfare had finally driven him insane. For whatever reason, on that day in 13 BC, Germanicus had spared the conquered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has taken me ages to deanon this fic, but after literally a year I have done it! Here are some latin translations:
> 
> Mortuus est: He is dead  
> Me paenitet: I'm sorry; it grieves me  
> Tibi Gratias: Thank you  
> Frater, mea culpa: Brother, it's my fault  
> Clementia: Mercy
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, more to come!


	2. Clementia et Disputatio

As Germanicus headed back to the camp, newly acquired captive in tow, he occupied his mind by trying to conceive of various ways to explain the situation. There was no way any of his fellow officers would fail notice that he had taken a man hostage, despite having expressly given orders to the contrary. Germanicus furrowed his brow, determined to come up with some kind of plan- his dignity depended on it! Even if he escaped a reprimand for failing to follow orders, Gallus would never let him live it down. Never! He glanced back at his captive, who was following closely and silently. Germanicus sighed. Why was he even bothering to bring the wretched specimen back with him, anyway? He should have just put him out of his misery, or-

“Why don’t you run away?” He asked suddenly, turning to face the Iberian, and was met with a blank, somewhat quizzical stare. “I asked you why- oh.” Germanicus mentally smacked himself. He had forgotten about the language barrier. Surely he knows some Latin, he thought to himself, remembering the young man’s earlier pleas for mercy. If I could only properly explain the situation to him… it would be better for both of us if he ran off… Clearing his throat, Germanicus tried again.

“You know you could run away right now if y-“

“Esurio!”

Germanicus blinked in surprise, more so at the young man’s sudden use of Latin than at his boldness in making demands. “What?”

“Esurio- dasne mihi cibum? Amabo te…”

So that was it. Germanicus sighed in exasperation. Apparently his captive was in fact very capable at Latin… as long as either surrender or food was involved. Lovely. With a heavy sigh, Germanicus shook his head, and continued towards the camp. They were very nearly there, and the Roman chose to ignore his companion’s increasingly loud requests for food.

***

“Ah, Germanicus! There you are! I was beginning to think you’d deserted!” Gallus flashed a broad, toothy smile, which quickly morphed into a look of confusion when he caught sight of Germanicus’ captive. “Who’s that?”

Clearing his throat, Germanicus began to explain the situation. “I found him among the ruins of one of the houses. He seems very weak and helpless- hardly worth killing. I thought it better to take him captive- perhaps he will be sold for a halfway decent price when the Traders come by.”

Gallus cocked an eyebrow skeptically. “You told us to kill every man-“  
“Every able-bodied man,” Germanicus interrupted. “Just look at him!” He gestured towards the young man, who was staring vacantly into space. “I doubt this man is even remotely capable of lifting a weapon, let alone defending himself. I would not be able to kill him in good conscience.” He punctuated the end of his words with a nod, as if that settled the matter.

Gallus stepped towards captive, scrutinizing him. “He doesn’t seem ill or malformed…” he murmured, gently examining the young man’s slender arms. “He is not particularly well built… Pretty though!” A smirk played at his lips as he looked up at Germanicus. “Almost as pretty as some of the women we brought in. Tell me,” he sneered, “were you planning on having a little fun with this one?”

“Don’t be disgusting!” A blush of embarrassment stained Germanicus’ cheeks. “How dare you make such insinuations? Have you forgotten, Gallus, that I am your superior officer? I shall not tolerate any more of this insolence from you!” 

Gallus’ expression hardened. “My apologies,” he muttered, his gaze not meeting that of the Praefectus. Without another word he turned and stalked away, presumably to bother somebody else with his lewd behavior.

Germanicus scowled. Ever since his promotion to Praefectus, he’d been subject to Gallus’ passive aggression. It was no secret that the man had coveted the position for himself, and for it to have been given to someone younger than he was undoubtedly a source of outrage. Germanicus clearly remembered a time soon after his promotion, when Gallus had approached him to offer some semblance of a congratulatory remark. “Well done, Germanicus,” he had said, his eyes betraying the bitterness he felt. “Your success seems to be soaring to new and exciting heights.” Gallus had lowered his voice then, to ensure his words were not overheard. “But don’t fly too high…” he had leaned forward, lips ghosting against Germanicus’s ear before finishing, “…Icarus.” And that had been it. After speaking, Gallus had plastered on his most saccharine of smiles and walked off, leaving Germanicus to fume over his words. It was clear to Germanicus that nothing had changed since then.

With a heavy sigh, Germanicus turned to his captive and gestured for him to follow before walking towards the area where all of the captives were kept. Within the week the slave traders, who were never more than a few day’s journey away, would come by, and buy all of the prisoners for a reasonable price. They would, in turn, take their purchases to far off towns and cities and sell their newly acquired slaves for a greatly increased amount. He cast a sideways glance at the young man walking beside him, and couldn’t help but wonder what would become of him. There was no way someone as slight as the Iberian would be shipped off to some place horrible like the Numidian salt mines… At least, Germanicus hoped that there wasn’t. That would be a death sentence, and for some reason he did not quite understand, Germanicus found himself fervently wishing that the young man would not suffer excessively.

“I am leaving you with these men,” Germanicus gestured to the two young soldier’s assigned to guard the prisoners. “You will be fed, and cleaned up. Then in a few days time you will be taken elsewhere. Understand?” A pair of large amber eyes met his own, and Germanicus could not help but feel a pang of guilt, albeit a small one. He quickly crushed this feeling, and gave the young man a curt nod.

“Vale!” he said finally, earning a tiny smile in response. Feeling relatively pleased with himself, Germanicus gave the young man a final nod before leaving, making a bigger effort than usual not to look back.

***  
“So we get to go home then?” Several pairs of eager eyes were fixed on Germanicus, who had just received a message from the Legatus Legionus-, the supreme commander of the legion and auxiliary cohorts. 

Germanicus nodded slowly, eyes scanning the message once more before looking up at his centurions. “It seems so. Caesar Augustus thinks it prudent to cut down on the number of troops deployed here. Do not get too excited, ” he added. “We are to relocate to Illyricum within the year. Apparently there are plans to expand.”

His words were met with a series of audible groans. The prospect of expansion was not a particularly pleasant one. “Expansion” typically meant “campaign,” which tended to mean that they would be stationed out in the back of beyond for Jove knows how many more years. Germanicus couldn’t bring himself to feel much sympathy. They had more or less all chosen military careers for themselves- at least the more senior of the officers had. The centurions and decurions certainly had no excuse. He cleared his throat.

“So we will head back to Rome within the week,” he continued. “I expect you all to inform your men of this development. Please do so now.” With a sharp nod he dismissed them. As the last of the officers left his presence, Germanicus let out what could only be seen as a small sigh of relief, and let his normally perfect posture sag a tiny bit. Finally, after twelve years, he was going home. He would see his father, his friends… A feeling of sadness washed over him as his mind turned to his brother’s demise. He had written his father about the sad news, of course, though he wished he could have been present to help shoulder some of the grief. Germanicus shook his head, as if to drive the depressing thoughts from his mind. It would not do to dwell on such melancholy matters, for it was necessary to be of sound mind for the journey home. He would not allow himself to get caught up in the morass of grief. Resolute, Germanicus turned his thoughts homeward.

*** 

The march to Rome took over a month, despite the army’s grueling pace. Their progress was daunted by rough terrain and severe weather, but as the soldiers trudged along, their morale was bolstered by thoughts of returning home. Even in the midst of what had threatened to be a serious outbreak of typhoid, the conversations amongst the troops were generally lighthearted and filled with jokes and hopeful musings about seeing family and friends. 

It pleased Germanicus to see his men in such good spirits. After years of nonstop campaigning, it was clear that they were all in dire need of some relaxation. Germanicus had to admit that he, too, was looking forward to a reprieve from the daily grind of military life. As much satisfaction that he gained from training and planning tactics, the thoughts of being able to go to proper baths, watch plays, and perhaps most importantly, eating something other than stale bread and bland porridge made him eager for home.

“I’d say we’re no more than a week from the city. Excited?” Much to Germanicus’ annoyance his least favorite centurion had seemingly appeared at his side. Not wishing to engage in any kind of conversation, he merely offered a nod in response.

“I can hardly wait,” Gallus continued, choosing to ignore Germanicus’ reticence. “It will be nice to be around women who have not serviced literally hundreds of soldiers…” he sighed wistfully before looking down at the lump of bread he held in his hand. He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I won’t be too sad about not having to eat this every day, either.” He glanced over at his silent companion.

“And what about you, Germanicus?” he asked, a teasing tone creeping into his voice. “How will you manage when you don’t have to train every day? How will you live without making us all suffer through one of your bloodless battles?” Gallus chuckled at his own little joke. “I’m serious, Germanicus. That’s how intense your drills are! The men already call battles ‘bloody drills!’” 

Germanicus sighed irritably. “If didn’t push everybody so hard we wouldn’t have been nearly as successful. I sincerely hope that you intend to stay in shape, Gallus,” he added, narrowing his eyes critically. “I don’t want to have to deal with unfit centurions in Illyricum.”

Gallus waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about such things! Just enjoy the time we will have off, however brief…” he trailed off, his eyes growing distant. Silence descended on the two men, save for the sound of Gallus slowly chewing his ration of bread. Germanicus figured that it was a good time to walk away so as to avoid any further conversation, and was about to leave when Gallus spoke again.

“I’m truly sorry about your brother, Germanicus.”

Germanicus froze, taken aback by Gallus’ unexpected words. He looked at the other man incredulously. “What brought this up?” 

For the first time in Germanicus’ recollection, Gallus looked sheepish. “I just wanted to offer you my condolences properly,” he murmured. “I grieved as well; Albinissimus was a friend of mine… I can only imagine your sorrow.”  
“You know Gaius hated it when you called him that,” Germanicus replied, his face impassive. “If he could hear you now, I’m sure he’d be flying into a rage.”

Gallus half-smiled. “If I did not habitually try to irritate him, then what kind of a friend would I be?” 

Germanicus was silent for a short time, still somewhat flabbergasted by Gallus’ surprising display of gravity.

“Thank you,” he answered finally, his stern expression abating slightly. “Gaius will not be forgotten.”

“Then make sure you have some fun when we get back to Rome, eh?” Gallus broke into a full grin. “Albin- Gaius always said you were too serious!” With a chuckle, he excused himself, and left a very confused (and slightly perturbed) Germanicus to contemplate his words.

*** 

As far as Germanicus was concerned, Rome had not changed. It was still just as crowded and noisy as he remembered. Part of him had expected it to be different- twelve years was a long time. So it was a relief to him when he saw how little the city itself had changed, but Germanicus could not help worrying about whether or not his home had changed beyond recognition. What would his father be like now? His friends? Doing his best to suppress the worry, Germanicus headed towards his father’s villa.  
Germanicus’ fears about returning to an unrecognizable home were assuaged almost as soon as he arrived. An elegant, dark haired young man whom Germanicus did not immediately recognize greeted him at the door. The two men regarded each other for a few moments before the younger of the two spoke.

“Is that you, cousin?” the dark haired man asked suddenly. “Are you finally home, Germanicus?”

Germanicus stared blankly a moment before the realization hit him. “Melicus!” he gasped, barely believing his eyes. “I did not recognize you at first. You’ve certainly grown!” The last time he’d seen his young cousin was just before he had left for Hispania; although Melicus was slightly older than he was, he had always been small and young looking for his age. 

Melicus smiled. “Come in, Cousin. We’ve all been eagerly awaiting your arrival! Your father is in the other room- I’ll bring you to him.”

It wasn’t long before Germanicus’ eyes were met with the sight of his father, Lucius Germanicus the Elder. He had not changed much, and had not, much to Germanicus’ surprise, aged too noticeably. His pale hair was longer than Germanicus remembered, and there were perhaps more wrinkles about his eyes, but other than that, he had not changed. Germanicus smiled more widely than he had in years, and strode over to his father, embracing him.

“Father,” he exclaimed, still smiling. “It is so good to see you.”

His father returned the smile. “My dear son… it has been far too long. I am eager to listen to all of your stories about the campaign. I want to hear everything! But,” he added quickly, raising his hand to silence Germanicus who had already begun to recount his experiences, “You must be exhausted. Rest, get cleaned up, and then we shall eat. I must also tell Romulus that you’re here- he’s been extremely eager to see you…” He knitted his brows together as if deep in thought. “I shall invite him over at once, he will be very pleased to see you. Now off to the baths with you!” Lucius made a shooing motion with his hands. “You will tell me everything tonight after you have rested a bit!”

Germanicus could only nod in response. His father was as businesslike as ever. He hadn’t expected that to change. He knew better than to argue and try to talk to his father right then. If his father wanted him to wait until dinner to regale him with stories, then so be it. Resigned to this, Germanicus followed one of the servants who had been instructed to take him to his rooms, where he would prepare for dinner.

***

How his father had managed to arrange such a sumptuous dinner on such short notice Germanicus would never know. He entered the dining room, clean, relaxed and dressed in a fresh tunic, and saw his father reclining on the triclinium, conversing with a man who Germanicus immediately recognized as Romulus, his father’s oldest and dearest friend. Romulus, a tanned, attractive man in his early fifties immediately caught sight of Germanicus and heartily called out to him.

“Germanicus!” He called, his voice jolly, “Come over here, lad! Your father was starting to bore me with his constant talk of politics. Hurry, entertain me with your stories of fighting, and hopefully women!”

Lucius scowled at his friend. “Must you be so crass, Romulus? Have you no class whatsoever? There are more things to a military campaign than fighting and women…”

Romulus laughed heartily. “Yes, but only you care about those other things, Lucius!”

Germanicus smiled to himself. For as long as he could remember, Romulus and his father had bickered over absolutely everything, and their tiffs would often degenerate into each shamelessly insulting the other. Despite this, Germanicus knew that they were old and dear friends, their friendship dating back to when they themselves had served in the military. Germanicus silently approached the triclinium and took a place next to Melicus, who was absently plucking away at his cithara, and across from a sleepy looking man he did not recognize.

“Here,” Lucius offered Germanicus wine, which he accepted gratefully. “Now hopefully you can- will you put that thing down?” Lucius had turned on Melicus, who scowled and begrudgingly set the instrument down. “Very good. If I never intervened that boy would never stop playing that damned-” 

“Germanicus!” Romulus loudly interrupted. “I apologize for my rudeness, but, in my eagerness to hear of your exploits I neglected to introduce you to someone…” He gestured to the sleepy looking man sitting to his left. “This is my very good friend Herakles. He’s a Greek, you know!” Romulus refilled his cup with wine while Germanicus nodded politely at his companion. “Wonderful people the Greeks, positively fascinating…”

“He only met Herakles two months ago,” Melicus whispered to his cousin. “He’s currently going through a Hellenic phase…” 

Germanicus was about to offer a dry remark in response when his father loudly called for silence. Once the talking ceased, Lucius turned to his son and requested for him to tell them all about his experiences in Hispania, which Germanicus was more than happy to do.

Over the course of two hours, Germanicus regaled the diners with the high and low points of the campaign. His audience listened, providing him with commentary when appropriate. When Germanicus detailed Gaius’ capture, everybody was suitably mournful, even Melicus, who had suffered appalling amounts of teasing at the hands of his late cousin. Once Germanicus had finished his story, he was met with nods of approval from his elders, and looks of admiration from his cousin and the Greek.

“Was it wonderful to see Rome again after all those years?” Herakles asked, his olive eyes shining wistfully.

“Yes,” Germanicus replied. “It was wonderful to come home.”

The Greek nodded, staring dreamily off into the distance. “I imagine it to be akin to the cry of the Ten Thousand…” His eyes glazed over even more as he spoke, his voice smooth and somewhat distant. “Θαλαττα! Θαλαττα!...” He sighed happily, and closed his eyes. Romulus nodded solemnly.

“Ah, Xenophon,” he mused, “brilliant people, the Greeks… but yes!” He raised his eyes to Germanicus. “A fine tale! I would expect nothing less.” He turned to Lucius, who was picking at the remnants of his meal. “You are lucky, friend, to have such a brave man for a son! More than I can say for my own…” Romulus shook his head. “Bloody deserter. Living in anonymity in a province somewhere… better off dead in my opinion. Who would have thought that my own flesh and blood would be a coward?” He grimaced and knocked back more wine. “Shameful… utterly shameful.”  
Lucius cleared his throat to break the awkward silence that followed. “It is late… I think that it is time we all retire, yes? Perhaps we can continue this conversation at another time, but now… sleep.” The guests all muttered in general agreement before rising from their spots and heading to their rooms.  
“Germanicus?” Germanicus turned to cousin, who had walked up to him. 

“Yes, Melicus?”

The young man offered a small smile before continuing. “I have business that I need to attend to in the Forum tomorrow, and I was wondering whether you would like to accompany me?”

Germanicus nodded in affirmation. “Of course. I can’t very well stay inside all day, now, can I?”

Melicus laughed. “Oh, Cousin. You are lost without your training regimen, aren’t you? All right, then. Tomorrow morning!” With those words he disappeared into his room, leaving Germanicus to ponder his words.

Germanicus pursed his lips as he entered his own chamber. It was true what his cousin said. He had only been home a day and was already beginning to feel restless. As he prepared to sleep, he couldn’t help but wish that there was a way for him to be sent to Illyricum after a month, rather than a whole year.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case it isn't obvious, Gallus is France. I was trying to find an actual Roman name that sounded like "Gaulish." Gaius is Prussia- once again, I couldn't find a good Latin equivalent of his human name, so I settled for something with a G. Melicus is Austria. I chose "Melicus" because it means "musical" in Latin. Lucius is Germania (I randomly chose that as a name because the Romans had a very limited amount of praenomen, and I didn't want to have too many Germanicuses running around, lest it be confusing.) Romulus is Grandpa Rome. I don't know. I tried. Here are some Latin translations!
> 
> Esurio- I am hungry
> 
> dasne mihi cibum? Amabo te- Is there any food for me? Please.
> 
> Vale- literally "be well/strong." Used to say goodbye.
> 
> Albinissimus- "the most white." I figured that there would have been some teasing going on amongst soldiers, and that Prussia would have not liked his pale complexion being made an object of ridicule.
> 
> I swear sexy times will happen later... I couldn't resist going into absurd detail with the Roman stuff! I hope it's okay, and thanks for reading!


	3. Convenimus Iterum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Germanicus unexpectedly meets a certain someone in the forum. Confusion and frustration follows. Some angst. I enjoy Roman things too much...

The following day was a sunny one. Germanicus rose early, ate a sparse breakfast, and left with his cousin for the Forum. He noticed that his cousin wore a more determined look than usual on his youthful face, and that glint of resolve shone in his violet eyes.

“So what is this business you’re attending to?” Germanicus asked, curious. “Are you in the market for something in particular?”

Melicus shook his head. “I’m not buying anything- I don’t intend to waste my money today! I’m going to contest a tax issue.” He then went on to explain that he had recently paid far too much in taxes, and that he was determined correct the mistake. Germanicus listened incredulously; finally losing interest when he found out that his cousin was contesting a mere handful of denarii. He had no idea that his musical cousin was so stingy.

“Well,” he said finally, interrupting Melicus’ rant. “I will let you attend to that- my understanding of finance is minimal. Shall we convene at that fountain over there when you are finished?” He pointed to the landmark. Melicus nodded, saying that he would only be a moment, and scurried off to find the appropriate people.

Knowing full well that Melicus could potentially take hours, Germanicus contented himself with strolling around the Forum. It was filled with stalls kept by a multitude of shopkeepers, some selling every day necessities, others exotic imports. He was examining the wares of a shifty-eyed merchant when the furious shouts of an irate man reached his ears.

“Come back here you lazy fool!”

Germanicus barely had time to register what was going on when an extremely fast moving individual barreled into him, sending him stumbling backwards, utterly winded. 

“S-sorry!” A hand was held out to him.

Grumbling, Germanicus accepted it. “Why would you be so stupid as to run in the Fo-” His words caught in his throat when he saw the person to whom the hand belonged. A young man with unruly auburn hair, amber eyes… Germanicus swallowed. It couldn’t be…

A look of recognition filled the eyes of the young man, who emitted a surprised squeak. He opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately cut off by a large man grabbing the collar of his tunic.

“Caught you!” The large man snarled. “You think you can escape punishment this time, Servus? You are wrong, I assure you.”

Germanicus, who had been standing in thunderstruck silence for the past thirty seconds found his ability to speak. “Excuse me,” he asked, using his most official and intimidating voice. “What has this man done to merit such harsh treatment?”

The large man’s lip curled. “I caught this insolent brat sleeping when he should have been cleaning his Master’s home. This is the third time he’s done this, and he shall be punished accordingly.” While the man was speaking, his auburn haired captive had squirmed out of his grasp, and dashed behind Germanicus, whimpering incoherently and clinging to his tunic.

Glancing quickly at the trembling man, Germanicus turned back to his pursuer. “Might I be able to persuade you to spare him?”

His question was met with a derisive snort. “And allow him to continue this indolence? You must be joking. Hand him over.”

The whimpering got louder and more desperate. Germanic steeled his resolve. “Now look,” he said, still using his authoritative voice. “It is obvious that this man is useless to you. Why bother keeping him? Here…” Without thinking, Germanicus reached into his coin purse. “I will buy him from you. How much?”

The other man blinked, having been caught off guard. “W-what? You can’t be serious… “ His incredulous smile faded when Germanicus’ expression made it clear that he was in no way joking. “Why would you pay money for this wretch, anyway?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What is he to you?”

“Do you want money for him or not?” Germanicus pressed. “Name your price.”

“You’re serious, then…” The burly man shook his head. “All right, you win. Far be it from me to turn down a fool’s money. Give me twenty aurei for him.”

Germanicus balked at the steep price but quickly recovered. “Done,” he said, and handed the money over to the other man, who grinned and shook his head.

“Waste of good money,” he murmured. “You’ll regret this within the week, I promise you!” With those words he strode off, leaving Germanicus and his newly acquired slave standing in the middle of the Forum.

Once he slave’s former owner disappeared into the throngs of people, the young man threw himself at Germanicus, blubbering nearly incoherent expressions of gratitude and, much to Germanicus’ embarrassment, covering his cheeks and hands with kisses. Blushing furiously, Germanicus struggled to calm the young man down with minimal success. To further his embarrassment, people were starting to stare.

“Calm down… “ He sputtered, seizing one of the slave’s wrists in an effort to put an end to the flagrant disregard of his personal space. “Wait… there’s no need to… stop… STOP!”

The auburn haired man ceased his actions immediately and looked at Germanicus with a confused, hurt look. Germanicus couldn’t help but feel a surge of guilt when faced with those enormous innocent eyes, and briefly considered apologizing for yelling. Instead he cleared his throat and laid his hands on the young man’s shoulders.

“Now then,” he began, taking a few calming breaths. “There’s no reason for this… spectacle. I accept your thanks.” He regarded the slave warily, half expecting to be tackled again. “What is your name?” No answer. Germanicus sighed. “Hasn’t your Latin vocabulary expanded at all?” Apparently it had not, much to Germanicus’ annoyance. He had heard that slaves picked up Latin very quickly after immersion… what was wrong with this one? Germanicus was about to succumb to frustration and walk away when the young man spoke.

“Do I go with you, now? Do I get to work in your home?”

Germanicus started, surprised by the highly accented, yet impressively coherent Latin. He nodded. “Yes. You will come with me.” Unexpectedly, the young man smiled. Germanicus nodded again, not quite sure what else to say. He was still reeling from the initial shock of running into the strange young man in the first place. Said youth was silently gazing at him, an absent smile on his face. “Um…” Germanicus shuffled awkwardly, being at a complete loss for words for the first time in his life.

“There you are!”

The awkward situation was briefly alleviated when Melicus called out to his cousin. Melicus made his way over to where the two men were standing, looking flustered. “You weren’t where you said you would be- I was afraid you’d left! No matter,” he smiled triumphantly. “I managed to get fifty denarii back! It took me ages, but-“ his smile was replaced by a look of confusion. “Who’s that?” He asked, pointing at Germanicus’ new slave.

“Oh, him?” Germanicus glanced over his shoulder. “I just purchased this slave… I did not wish to order Father’s around, so I acquired one of my own.”

His cousin still looked puzzled. “Is that so?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “How much did you pay, might I ask?”

“Oh, well, I…” the fact that he had just paid a hefty sum of money on what was effectively a whim was beginning to descend upon Germanicus with startling rapidity. Embarrassed, Germanicus cleared his throat, and mumbled “Twenty aurei…”

“What was that?” Melicus put a hand to his ear. “I didn’t quite catch that, Germanicus.”

“Twenty aurei…” Germanicus averted his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable outburst from his frugal cousin.

“WHAT?” Melicus’ eyes grew to the size of dinnerplates. “Twenty aurei? Cousin, you’ve been had! Come, let’s try to find the crook that sold this slave to you, and report him as a con man! Charging that much for this scrawny specimen…” he wrinkled his nose. “…it’s criminal!”

“I was not scammed, Melicus,” Germanicus explained, wondering whether his young cousin was going to have an apoplectic fit. “I felt it to be a fair deal.”

His cousin shook his head. “Unbelievable…” he murmured, eyeing the slave. “That much… for him…” 

Germanicus nodded patiently, resigning himself to constant reproach from his cousin on the walk home.

***   
The moment that they arrived home, the three men were immediately met by a very hungover Romulus, who had apparently fallen asleep in the dining room the night before. He greeted Germanicus and Melicus with a nod, and was about to go about his business when he noticed the third party. “What do you have there?” he inquired, rubbing his temples in a vain attempt to ease his headache.

Melicus was about to launch into a lengthy tirade about Germanicus’ spending habits, but was cut off.

“This is my new slave,” Germanicus blurted out, casting a glare at his cousin. “I just purchased him this morning.”

“Is that so?” Romulus turned to the auburn haired man. “And what is his name?” His eyes rested on the slave questioningly. “You do have a name?”

The slave nodded and blurted out a very foreign sounding, highly unpronounceable name. Romulus flinched at how unRoman it was. Not even Greek. He shook his head. “That will not do,” he declared, turning his gaze to Germanicus. “He needs a more palatable name, don’t you think? One that rolls off the tongue, yes?” 

Germanicus opened his mouth, only to close it again when he realized that Romulus was not actually asking for his opinion. “Let’s see…” Romulus rubbed his slightly stubbly chin with his thumb and forefinger, regarding the young man as if he were appraising a horse. “He is very lucky to end up in such a prestigious household as this! Just look at him- I’m sure that he could have easily ended up somewhere nasty… so very fortunate!” He nodded sagely to himself while the three younger men merely gaped at him. “Ah well,” Romulus scratched his head. “It seems that last night’s wine has temporarily impaired my creativity… but don’t worry, I shall think of a good name soon enough!” He addressed the slave once more. “Until then, know that you are very lucky to be here- your new master won’t allow any ingratitude, to be sure. Very, very fortunate… felicissimus!” He gasped, turning to Germanicus. “That’s it, My Boy! Felicissimus. That is his new name. Shouldn’t be any other way!” Romulus nodded again for good measure. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” he yawned, “I fear that last night’s wine is bidding me to sleep a little more…” Without another word he strode off, leaving two dumbstruck Romans and a confused slave behind him.

After a few moments had passed, Melicus spoke. “Did-did he just give your slave a new name?” he asked incredulously. Germanicus nodded. 

“So it would seem,” he agreed. “At any rate, it is not worth arguing the point with him. You know how he can get. “ With a heavy sigh, he turned to his newly named slave. “Come,” he commanded, wondering whether or not the young man was aware of his new name. “I shall escort you to your quarters and brief you of your responsibilities.” With those words Germanicus walked off, the slave in tow. Germanicus could not help but wonder whether he would regret his newest purchase.  
*** 

Three weeks had passed since Germanicus brought his new slave home with him, and they had been some of the most hectic weeks of Germanicus’ life. That included his entire military career up to this point. Germanicus had had to fight off swarms of disorganized barbarians, help quell the dissatisfactions of disgruntled soldiers, and contain at least four different epidemics that threatened to decimate his entire cohort, but he had handled those issues with admirable aplomb. This, however… 

A loud crash from the other room earned a tired groan from the blonde man, who winced and rubbed his temples. He did not want to imagine the wreckage in the other room. As infuriating as it all was, Germanicus could not bring himself to punish his slave with anything more serious than yelling. True, the young man was irritating beyond belief at times, especially the times when Germanicus had caught him sleeping instead of doing chores, and the times when the young man would shamelessly make romantic passes at the female slaves. Feli- Germanicus had given up using the full moniker that Romulus had decreed, for he found himself tongue tied after having to shout it so many times in one day- was also a very… tactile man, much to Germanicus’ horror. Despite it all, Germanicus bore these antics with the utmost patience, which merited more than a little confusion from his family.

Germanicus’ flat out refusal to get rid of Feli, or at least give him a good beating had exasperated his family members, most of all Melicus, who had angrily demanded to know the reasons behind Germanicus’ clemency. When Germanicus was unable to provide an answer, his cousin had stalked away to express his frustration and disappointment at his cousin’s poor judgment by playing his cithara.

It was true that Germanicus could think of no real reason why he kept the slave around. The young man was so frustrating, but Germanicus found him somewhat endearing. For reasons unknown, he found himself completely disarmed by Feli’s large amber eyes and big happy smile. Not to mention the man could cook incredibly well… He was also extremely social, and had picked up a lot of Latin over a very short period of time. Germanicus, who had always treasured his alone time, begrudgingly admitted that there were times when he appreciated the young man’s seemingly endless string of chatter. After having been constantly surrounded by people whilst in the army, Germanicus often found his surplus of solitude to be a bit overwhelming.

“Dominus!” A high-pitched yelp from the other room interrupted Germanicus’ musing. At moments such as these, however, Germanicus was none too fond of the situation. Perhaps if he ignored it, it would all go away…

“Dominus!” Louder, more insistent this time. Germanicus groaned audibly and went to investigate; bracing himself for the disastrous sight that he would surely meet with.

“What is it this time?” he sighed impatiently, preparing to clean up whatever mess he found. The slave was standing in the middle of the kitchen amidst the remains of what had once been a wine urn. Fortunately the vessel had been nearly empty, and only a small amount of the deep red liquid had splattered on the floor.

“I-I’m sorry, Dominus,” the young man stammered, casting his eyes downward, ashamed. “I did not mean to- please don’t yell!“ He fell to his knees scrambling to pick up the shattered pottery.

Germanicus raised his hand to silence him and took a few calming breaths before speaking. “Felici- Feli, calm down.” He sighed, trying his best to control the urge to harshly bark out demands and then deliver a sharp blow to the side of the head for good measure. Old habits die hard. Germanicus composed himself and continued. “Just… clean this mess up, and we can forget about it.”

Feli’s eyes widened and a grin split his face. “Thank you, Dominus!” He cried out, launching himself at his master and embracing him tightly. “Dominus is so kind, strong, brave…”

“Enough!” Germanicus cried, desperately trying to extricate himself from his slave’s vice-like grip. “Please this really isn’t necessary- let go!” The sound of a throat being cleared interrupted the scuffle, and Germanicus looked up to see Melicus standing in the doorway. Germanicus blushed, and took the opportunity to shove Feli off of him. Brushing his tunic off, he offered a small smile at his cousin and calmly asked whether he needed anything.

“Your father wishes to see you,” Melicus arched an eyebrow. “Is now a bad time? I would hate to interrupt anything.”

Germanicus shook his head, trying his very best to hide his embarrassment. “No, not at all,” he insisted, irritated by Melicus’ smirk. “What does my father want?” Melicus shrugged. “I haven’t the faintest idea. I think it’s serious, though. He has what Gaius used to call ‘his Pater Familias’ face on.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what Melicus meant. He had borne witness to that face many times in his youth, and it was usually a harbinger of some kind of reprimand, though traditionally Gaius was the recipient of such scolding. “I’d better go and see what he wants, then.” Taking a moment to compose himself, Germanicus went to find his father.

*** 

Germanicus found his father in the tablinum, having what seemed to be a light-hearted discussion with the seemingly omnipresent Romulus. When he caught sight of his son, Lucius gestured for him to come over. “Ah, here you are. Good.”

Germanicus walked over to his father, vaguely wondering why Romulus seemed to be at their house all the time. “You wanted to speak to me, Father?”   
“Ah yes.” Lucius sat down, gesturing for his son to do the same. Germanicus complied, glancing over to Romulus, who had wandered over to the other side of the room, ostensibly admiring some paintings. “Now,” Lucius continued, fixing his son with a firm stare. “I understand that you are meant to go off to Illyricum after the New Year.” 

Germanicus nodded. “Yes. The Pannonians are threatening to start some trouble, and Caesar anticipates that extra forces will be required.”

“I see.” Lucius fell silent, brow furrowed as if deep in thought. “Germanicus, I want you to leave the army.” Silence followed. Germanicus tried to find the words necessary to coherently express his thoughts. His father said nothing, but continued to scrutinize him with pale eyes, so much like Germanicus’ own. Finally, Germanicus managed to speak.

“Father,” he began, trying to keep his voice level. “Why do you want me to leave? This is my career. My life. Besides, it was you who pushed for me to join in the first place.”

Lucius sighed. “Germanicus, you are my only living son. I am old; I will not have anymore. If you die…” he faltered momentarily, perhaps remembering Gaius, and the others who had not survived infancy. “I do not want my line to end,” he finished, not breaking his gaze. 

“What would you have me do?” Germanicus sputtered. “Give up my career? Spend my days lounging around and bickering about politics? No.” He shook his head. “Father, I cannot. I will not.”

“Please, Germanicus,” Lucius’ voice took on a pleading note, and Germanicus thought that he had never seen his father look so aged. “For my sake, and the sake of our line, do not risk your life any longer. Get married. Have children. By Jove, you’re in your twenty-ninth year! It’s high time. Besides,” he added, face thoughtful, “I’m sure you could secure an official position in the vigiles. The gods know that they could use someone who can organize them-“

He was interrupted when Romulus let out a loud snort. “Lucius!” He laughed, seemingly oblivious to the gravity of the discussion. “Listen to yourself! Germanicus policing the streets? Surely, that is what hell would be like… “ He glanced up at Germanicus, who shot him an indignant look. “No offense.”

“Oh be quiet,” Lucius snapped. “Why are you even in here, anyway?”

Romulus shrugged and pretended to be very interested in the hem of his tunic.

Lucius scowled and turned back to his son. “Germanicus, you have served Rome well. It is time to do your duty to your family now. You may go.”

Germanicus stood, setting his jaw and left without saying a word. He had to employ all of his self-restraint to keep from attempting to punch a hole in the wall. How could his father ask him to do such a thing? It was unthinkable! Settle down, get married… Germanicus cringed at the thought. Although the thought of such things was repugnant to him, Germanicus had to concede that his father had put him in a difficult position. If he were to refuse… Germanicus did not want to think about the possibility of estrangement from his father. He groaned in frustration.

“Bad news, Cousin?”

Germanicus turned, surprised by his cousin’s sudden appearance. “Father wants me to leave the army,” he stated bluntly. “He’s afraid that I’ll be killed and leave him without any offspring.”

“Ah.” Melicus nodded slowly. “But what would you do if you became a civilian? You’re already lost without your training!”

Germanicus scowled. “Father mentioned the vigiles… though Romulus seemed violently opposed.”

“Romulus? What does he have to do with it?” Melicus wrinkled his nose. “Why is he always here, anyway? I don’t know why your father tolerates him.”

Germanicus shrugged. “Lonely, I suppose. They’re both widowers. Gaius is dead, I’m rarely here… Romulus’ son is gone… I think they keep each other company.”

Melicus made a noncommittal sound and continued. “At any rate, what do you intend to do?”

“What can I do? I do not wish to anger Father…” Germanicus sighed. “I don’t know. I have ten months before I am meant to leave for Illyricum- I’ll figure something out. I have to.” 

“Either way…” Melicus smirked, “I doubt you’ll be bored, what with your new slave.”

“What do you mean?” Germanicus arched a blonde eyebrow at his cousin, curious.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, he’s trying to clean the kitchen again.”

Germanicus paled, thinking about the disastrous mess that was surely being made at that very moment. “I-I must go,” he sputtered out, and hurried off to salvage the kitchen.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Rememoratio et spes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to make the Germany/Italy relationship develop slowly in this story, and their relationship is starting to (slowly) develop in this chapter. I haven't done too much editing of this, so I apologize for any silly errors.

Germanicus had not spoken anymore about leaving the army, nor had his father, who evidently was not keen on revisiting the topic. The weeks were passing slowly, and Germanicus was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with the frustrations of civilian life. He could barely believe that he still had at least half a year remaining before he left for Illyricum (he had made an unspoken decision not to give up his military career). Part of him wondered how his fellow officers were handling their surplus of leisure time.

“Probably lounging around and drinking barrelfuls of wine,” he murmured to himself, imagining Gallus. Germanicus had seen his chief centurion once or twice since their return to Rome, and the flippant lecher had been in the company of young and attractive women each time. With a disapproving snort, Germanicus turned back to the scroll in front of him. His father had decided to hold a modest dinner party in honor of the fast approaching Ludi Romani, and Germanicus had been given the task of looking over the cost of the food and entertainment, one that he did not relish in the slightest.

Sighing, Germanicus rubbed his temples. He did not see why his father had thought it necessary to allot him this particular job. His father had insisted that it was of absolute importance for him to learn how to manage such things, but Germanicus suspected that his father simply did not wish to deal with the task at hand himself, but didn't dare entrust it to one of the slaves. Germanicus squinted as he tried to decipher the tiny handwriting. It was going to be a long day…

The sensation of someone's hands on his shoulders made Germanicus jump. He turned around, ready to berate whoever had snuck up behind him, and was met with the smiling, if not slightly surprised, face of Felicissimus. Germanicus felt his cheeks flush.

“W-what do you mean by sneaking up behind me like that?” he sputtered out, trying to contain his discomfiture at being unexpectedly touched. 

Feli smiled kindly. “Dominus looked tense,” he murmured softly, his hands fidgeting. “I thought I might help…”

“It is not necessary…” Germanicus averted his eyes. “… really.”

“But…” the slave frowned and cocked his head to the side. “It’s my duty to do what I can to serve you, Dominus. You’ve said so yourself.” He reached out and laid a hand on Germanicus’ shoulder once again. “Dominus will be ill if he keeps working like this.”

Germanicus glanced at the hand on his shoulder and swallowed. “Ah,” was all he managed to say, turning back to his work. “Well, then… carry on.”

Feli’s face brightened immediately. “Yes, Dominus!” Smiling, he began to gently rub Germanicus’ neck and shoulders. 

Germanicus sighed, feeling slightly awkward at the contact, and relaxed as much as he could. He had to admit that it felt rather nice… Feli was very good with his hands. Germanicus suppressed a murmur of approval and continued to squint at the lists in front of him. Figs, nuts, dates… dormice? Germanicus wrinkled his nose. Since when had his father indulged in such silly delicacies? Dormouse, indeed… He almost wished he was back to eating simple (if not slightly stale) oatcakes and porridge… almost. 

Felicissimus, who had been softly humming to himself, shifted his hands slightly and began working at a particularly painful knot in his master’s back. Germanicus bit back a moan. He had no idea that his back was that tense, and his slave was certainly doing a good job of eliciting embarrassing noises from him. As if reading his thoughts, Feli asked: “Ve… does this feel nice, Dominus?”

Vaguely wondering what “ve” meant, Germanicus turned and answered in the affirmative, and received a happy smile in response. “I’m glad!” Feli chirped, not stopping his ministrations.

Germanicus was struck with a sudden feeling of guilt then. He had invaded this man’s town, burned it to the ground, and given the order to kill and capture all of the residents without a second thought. He was most definitely responsible for the death and capture of most of Feli’s family, and yet here Feli was, happily massaging his shoulders and smiling at him. Germanicus had no idea how this was possible. Was his slave secretly plotting his demise? Probably. Germanicus would not be surprised if he were nor would he blame him.

There seemed to be no trace of rancor, however. Feli continued to hum softly as his graceful fingers deftly worked out the knots in Germanicus’ back, not showing even the slightest hint of harboring wrathful intentions. If anything he appeared to be rather content.

Germanicus tried to concentrate on his work, but found it increasingly difficult. Setting the documents on the table, Germanius sighed and closed his eyes, letting Feli’s soothing touches wash over him. It had been along time since he had felt so relaxed. He became aware that his slave was focusing his ministrations on his neck, now, right below the hairline, and when he felt Feli run his fingers down his scalp, he inhaled sharply. The sensation caused small shivers to erupt at the base of his spine, and made his chest tingle. Germanicus bit his lip, contemplating asking his slave to stop, lest he embarrass himself further.  
.  
“Ve…” Feli murmured absently, twirling a lock of Germanicus’ hair around his fingers. “Dominus has such pretty hair! And so soft…” Germanicus felt his face heat up. He felt awkward, the whole situation made him uncomfortable, and yet he could not bring himself to ask Feli to stop. The arrival of another slave alleviated the situation.

“There is someone here to see you, Sir!” The slave informed Germanicus. “I showed him into the atrium. He says it’s important.” Germanicus stood, happy to escape from his uncomfortable position. He briefly turned to Feli, giving a curt nod in thanks, before heading towards the atrium. 

Out of all the people in Rome who could have been standing in the atrium, Germanicus never for an instant imagined that it would be Gallus. Surprise gave way to a feeling of irritation, and Germanicus greeted the centurion sharply. “Gallus,” he said firmly, striding forward and shaking the man’s hand. “I was under the impression that I was to be without your presence for a few more months. To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?”

Instead of responding with his usual flippancy, Gallus’ face remained grave. “Germanicus,” he began, his voice laced with urgency, “I have received some news from Hispania, from one of my friends who has settled there.” He gulped, looking both excited and nervous. “He tells me that… that your brother Gaius is still alive.”

Germanicus said nothing for a few moments. He had given up the mere notion that his brother had somehow survived months before. It was impossible- to dare to entertain such a thought would be ludicrous… He found his voice. “Why has nobody informed me of this? Or my father? Why were you the one to hear this news first? If this is some sort of joke… Gallus, I am not amused.”

Gallus shook his head violently. “No, Germanicus. I swear to you this is no trick. I was wondering whether you had heard anything. I wanted to know if you had more information, I felt sure that if Gaius was alive, you’d be the first to know.”

Germanicus frowned. Should he dare to hope that somehow, against all odds, that Gaius was still alive? “You saw him taken, Gallus. You told me that he was as good as dead.”

The centurion threw his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know what to say, Germanicus. Yes, I saw him taken, yes that is usually a death sentence… I can’t explain it.”

Germanicus closed his eyes and sighed. “What did your friend say in his letter?”

“Antonius wrote that Gaius was found less than a mile outside his town. Delirious with fever, and in very bad shape. Antonius found physicians to treat him, and Gaius told him his name. I do not know what state he is in now.” Gallus paused for breath before continuing. “Antonius does not know you. I can only guess that is the reason why you did not receive this news…” He looked hopefully at Germanicus. “Germanicus… Gaius was… is my friend. I want for him to be alive just as you do.”

After a few moments of quiet contemplation Germanicus spoke. “Write to your friend. Ask him for more information on the state of Gaius’ health. If he is in any state to travel, I want him to come back here as soon as possible.” Gallus nodded, and was hurrying out when Germanicus spoke again. 

“And Gallus,” he added. Gallus stopped walking and turned back to look him. “My father is not to know of this. Don’t tell anybody else until we have confirmed that Gaius is still alive and in decent health. It would be cruel to give my father hope only to snatch it away.” Gallus swore he would not breathe a word to anyone and hurried away.

Once Gallus left the premises, Germanicus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. The news had come as a shock. It was good news to be sure; Germanicus was overjoyed that Gaius might still be alive, but he also recognized that it was just that: a possibility. Until he received more information, he could not be sure that Gallus’ words bore any credibility. Germanicus knew that he would be unwise to get his hopes up a second time. 

For weeks after Gaius’ supposed death Germanicus had desperately clung to the impossible hope that his brother was safe and would somehow turn up as his normal, boisterous self. Every day he hoped. And as that hope became fainter and fainter with each passing day, the cold feeling of grief became stronger. It had gnawed at his stomach, making Germanicus feel ill. It chewed away at him; a little more each day, until Germanicus became certain that he couldn’t stand it anymore…. Then finally the pain began to grow dull, and Germanicus was able to hide it away as if it were nothing more than an embarrassing secret.  
Now this new glimmer of hope threatened to bring all of the pain back. Germanicus sighed, his eyes scrunched together. As agonizing as any false news would be to him, Germanicus knew his father would suffer tenfold. Germanicus knew that all he could do was to wait patiently for more information. If only news travelled faster… With a soft groan, Germanicus sat down in a nearby seat.

 

“What’s bothering you, Germanicus?” Germanicus looked up and was not particularly surprised to see Romulus standing before him. With a soft sigh, Germanicus answered as truthfully as he could.

“I’m thinking about my brother.”

“Ah.” Romulus nodded, his face uncharacteristically sensitive. “We all miss Gaius. None more than your father.” He sat down next to Germanicus and offered him an encouraging smile, which the blonde did not return. He continued.

“Gaius was always very special to your father, even though the old man might not have made that too obvious!” He chuckled. “Your father has never been an emotional man.”

Germanicus nodded in agreement. Romulus went on, a reminiscent smile appearing on his face.

“I remember the day he was born. Your father was so excited! His first child was a son.” Romulus’ smile faded. “But then he saw him, and saw that he was not… not normal. He was so pale… his hair, his skin… and his eyes! His eyes were so strange…”

Germanicus made no comment. His elder brother’s odd coloring had been the cause of many stares and cruel nicknames during his childhood. Some had even gone as far as to say that Gaius had been forsaken by the gods themselves. 

“The midwife told your father that the child would likely be sickly, that his coloring was a bad omen.” Romulus continued his story, eyes distant. “I know that your father very nearly gave the order for Gaius to be exposed. He wanted to, at first.”

“What stopped him?” Germanicus asked, suddenly intrigued. He had never hear this story before.

“Gaius’ mother.” Romulus answered, his smile returning. “Gaius’ mother- your father’s first wife, you know- was a very lovely woman. Your father loved her very much. Perhaps more than any man should admit!” He laughed softly. “He would have done anything for her. So when your father saw how much she loved Gaius already, he couldn’t go through with it. He could not risk making her hate him. You know she died only a month or so after….” Romulus turned to Germanicus, his face melancholy.

“I know you grieve, Germanicus,” he said softly. “It is a different grief than that of your father. You would not understand now, but someday, when you have children of your own, you might. Gods willing, you never do.” 

Germanicus said nothing. He was taken aback by Romulus’ aberrant display of compassion. Romulus was usually too full of bravado and wine to ever be so sensitive. He gave the older man a grateful nod. “You are a good friend to my father, Romulus. And to me. Thank you.”

Romulus returned the nod before he clapped his hands and stood. “Well, Young Germanicus,” he exclaimed, his bravado returning quickly, “I must be off. All of this serious conversation calls for wine and good company, eh?”

Germanicus forced a tiny smile and nodded weakly. “I am inclined to agree,” he said, clearing his throat. “But I must finish some work that Father assigned me. I have to help organize things for his dinner party, and I’ve already fallen behind.” He stood. “I’m sure I will see you later, though. I take it you’re staying for dinner tonight?” 

Romulus looked thoughtful before replying. “Ah, I suppose I might. We’ll see.” 

Germanicus grinned inwardly. Of course Romulus would be there for dinner. He always was. “Well,” he continued. “Perhaps I shall see you tonight then. Vale, Romulus.” He returned to his room, determined to finish his work before the day was out. Picking the documents up from his desk, Germanicus vaguely wondered to where Feli had disappeared. Unable to think of an answer, he shrugged and began to read through the documents once again. “Figs… dates… dormice…”

***

Germanicus’ father held his dinner party on the first day of the Ludi Romani. The party was by no means sumptuous; all told there were fifteen diners that evening. Germanicus reclined next to his father and Melicus, while Romulus reclined on the adjacent couch. Herakles the Greek was also present, as were several politicians and their wives, who sat upright rather than recline.

Once all of the guests were settled, each was offered a preliminary cup of wine that had been sweetened with honey, and a light appetizer of radishes and mushrooms. It was not until the main course of eel, partridge, and dormouse however that conversation began to pick up. Germanicus paid very little attention to the political banter. Such things usually fascinated Germanicus, but his mind was elsewhere. He had not yet heard back from Gallus concerning his brother, and he was growing anxious. Germanicus knew that three weeks was hardly enough time for Gallus’ letter to reach Hispania and for a reply to be received, but he could not help being impatient.

“What do you, think, Germanicus?”

Germanicus snapped out of his thoughts. “Forgive me, what?”

“What do you think about the commission of the Ara Pacis? You know, to honor the return of Augustus from Hispania? Oh, it’s old news of course, but, I wanted to get the perspective of someone who actually was involved in the campaigns against the Cantabrians.”

Germanicus looked up at the man who had addressed him, a friend of his father’s. “I think it is a very nice gesture, albeit a misleading one.” He furrowed his brow, deep in thought. “It is clear to me that the situation in Hispania is not over. The Cantabrians and the other tribes will not bend to Roman rule so easily, even though doing so would be very beneficial to them.”

His father’s friend, a middle-aged man named Marcus Caecilianus laughed. “Spoken like a true Roman! Lucius!” He nodded at Germanicus’ father. “You have raised a fine son. A fine son indeed!” Caecilianus turned his attention to Melicus, who was picking at the dormouse disinterestedly. “And what of you, Melicus? How do you fare? Surely you have some political aspirations by now.”

Melicus was about to reply when he was interrupted by Romulus, who had just finished his sixth helping of wine. “Ah, Caecilianus,” he said jovially, gesturing to a nearby slave to refill his cup, “Young Melicus has been studying law! That is, whenever he can be torn away from his music! He has proven himself to be quite adept in this field.” Romulus paused to drink from his newly filled cup, and Melicus seized the moment to speak.

“Indeed it is so, Caecilianus,” he murmured. “My Uncle wishes for me to begin pursuing a career in politics as soon as possible.”

“Good, good…” Caecilianus chuckled, helping himself to more food. “And what of you, Germanicus? Still planning on fighting the good fight?”

Germanicus’ eyes flickered to his father momentarily before replying. “My cohorts are set to go out to Illyricum next summer, and, gods willing, I will go with them.”

“Very good. You must be very proud of your son, Lucius! It is so rare these days to meet someone who cares so much about the well-being of the state.” 

Germanicus’ father gave his friend a strained smile and responded that he was very proud indeed. The conversation continued and the diners broached a vast array of topics. Politics, the games, who was sleeping with who, who was getting married, who was getting divorced and the like. Germanicus found most of it to be very boring. Melicus, on the other hand, listened with rapt attention. The man was secretly one of the biggest gossips in the entire city.

When the main course was finished and the offerings to the household gods had been made, Germanicus excused himself. His father frowned. “But Germanicus, we have yet to serve secunda mensa, and you will miss the after dinner entertainment. Stay a while longer.”

“I’m sorry, Father, but I do not feel well. My apologies.” Germanicus inclined his head at the guests and exited the triclinium. Stress about his brother’s whereabouts combined with his abhorrence of drunken gossip made for a rather upset stomach. With every intention of going straight to bed, Germanicus went to his room, and immediately sighed in annoyance. For his bed was occupied by none other than Feli, who was curled up on top of the sheets. Germanicus shook his head and cleared his throat. The slave did not stir. With a sigh, Germanicus gently nudged the slave’s shoulder, which elicited no response. Germanicus was not amused by his slave’s ability to sleep the sleep of the dead, and, seizing his shoulders once more, violently jostled the young man awake.  
Feli squealed and jumped to his feet, stuttering incoherent apologies and wildly gesticulating. Germanicus tried to understand his slave’s babbling to no avail. The man was just speaking so fast, his rapidly moving hands were distracting, and Germanicus was fairly certain that the young man was speaking some strange combination of Latin and his native tongue. It was all very irritating, and Germanicus could feel a headache fast approaching. 

“Enough!” Germanicus shouted, and his slave fell silent, eyes wide. “Now,” Germanicus continued, composing himself. “What were you doing on my bed, Slave? Explain yourself!” Feli began to blather again. 

“Dominus, I’m sorry. I-I was tidying, and sat down on your bed for only a moment, then I must have fallen asleep!” His eyes widened. “Oh, please Dominus, don’t punish me! I’m sorry!” The young man looked so very pathetic with his wide amber eyes and trembling lip that Germanicus’ wrathful intentions immediately subsided. 

“Fine,” Germanicus sighed, shoulders sagging a tiny bit. “I am far too tired to punish you anyway.” He raised a finger threateningly. “But do it again, and I will have you whipped. I’m a man of my word.” 

Feli nodded, rapidly spewing out phrases of gratitude as he left the room. A few moments later his head popped back in. “Does Dominus need anything?” he asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Germanicus shook his head. “No. I’ll call if I want anything.” Felicissimus left, and Germanicus occupied himself with organizing the papers on his desk, before undressing and falling into bed. He lay awake for what seemed like hours, thinking about when he had last seen his brother, fighting the Cantabrians. He remembered the clashing of swords, the frantic snorting and neighing of the horses, the screams of the wounded and the groans of the dying… Germanicus thought about such things for a long time, and when he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of war.

He dreamt that he was fighting the Cantabrians. He killed enemy after enemy, but their numbers never seemed to get any smaller. They just kept coming in swarms, their eyes flashing, weapons held high, ready to strike…. And then Germanicus felt someone grab him and hold him tightly. He struggled, desperate to break the grip, his efforts constantly increasing...

“Dominus!”

Germanicus’ eyes flew open, and he immediately caught sight of Felicissimus, who was on the bed next to him, one of his arms around Germanicus’ chest. Germanicus leapt out of the bed, blushing furiously. “W-what are you doing in my bed?” He demanded, rapidly vacillating between confusion and anger. 

“I heard you yelling, Dominus. I tried to wake you, but you just kept yelling in your sleep! So I tried to calm you down…” Feli trailed off, looking apologetic. “I did not mean to make you angry, Dominus. I only wanted to make you feel better!”

Germanicus’ anger abated when he heard of his slave’s honorable intentions. “I see,” he murmured, sitting back down on the bed. “If that is the case, then thank you, Felicissimus. Your loyalty is… uh, praiseworthy.” Feli beamed, pleased by the compliment. “Um…” Germanicus continued, clearing his throat. “I suppose I shall go back to bed, then.” 

Feli smiled. “Yes, Dominus!” He exclaimed happily, not budging from his spot in Germanicus’ bed. 

Germanicus felt his cheeks heat up. He was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. Why couldn’t his slave just leave? “… you may go.” 

Felicissimus’ sleepy smile turned into a look of concern. “Ve, but Dominus!” he protested, sitting bolt upright, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “But what if you have another bad dream? What if you get very upset and need help and I can’t hear you, and something horrible happens and-“

“That won’t be necessary,” Germanicus interrupted. “I’m quite sure that I will have no trouble. Thank you, though.” Feli looked crestfallen. He slowly rose from Germanicus’ bed and slowly slunk out of the room. Germanicus watched him leave, figuring that the young man’s disappointment was due to him wanting to be of use. Sighing, Germanicus called his slave back. “Feli… I… suppose you can stay here, in case anything happens. Just this once.”

Felicissimus brightened immediately. “Yes, Dominus. I will be here to help you!” He practically skipped over and hopped onto Germanicus’ bed, burying himself under the covers. Germanicus groaned inwardly and tentatively got into bed. He glanced over at his slave. “Move over to the other side.” Feli slowly complied, shifting over a little bit. Germanicus frowned. “A little more.” Feli scooted a bit farther away, and looked back at his master hopefully. Germanicus narrowed his eyes and Feli moved over a little more, until he was on the other side of the bed. Germanicus nodded in approval before lying down and scooting all the way to his edge of the bed. Wanting to put as much space between himself and his slave, Germanicus turned his back to Feli and was soon asleep. No more dreams troubled him that night.

*** 

Germanicus awoke the next morning at the first hour, as was his custom. He noticed much to his discomfort that his slave had migrated over to his side of the bed during the night, and had snuggled up uncomfortably close to him. Groaning, Germanicus got out of the bed, washed, dressed, and went to grab something simple for breakfast.

He was met by one of his father’s slaves in the Atrium, who handed over a letter. “This arrived for you an hour ago,” the slave explained as Germanicus took the letter from him. “I did not want to wake you before the first hour.” Germanicus thanked the slave and walked off, letter in hand. He returned to his room to read it, his desire for breakfast forgotten. 

Germanicus was not surprised to see that Felicissimus was still asleep, but held off from waking him in favor of reading the letter. To his excitement, it was from Gallus. The letter was uncharacteristically brief; brevity was not a trait that Gallus possessed. Gallus had written that he had finally received news from his friend that Gaius was indeed alive, in good health for travelling, and would set off for Rome as soon as the weather permitted.

Excited, Germanicus hastily penned a reply, thanking Gallus for his efforts and requesting that he be made aware of any further developments. Sealing the letter shut, Germanicus walked over to his bed, where Felicissimus still lay fast asleep. “Wake up!” Germanicus shouted, shaking the slave violently.

Feli sat up, blinking sleepily. “Yes, Dominus?”

Germanicus grabbed Feli’s arm and yanked him to his feet. “Get up! You’ve slept far too late.” He thrust the letter into Feli’s hands. “Deliver this immediately.” Feli blinked, confused. Germanicus sighed in exasperation, and elaborated further, informing his slave about where Gallus lived and how to get there. “It’s very easy. If you get lost, ask someone for directions. Now go!” The young slave nodded and shuffled sleepily out of the room. Germanicus scowled after him for a few moments before renewing his quest for breakfast. 

A few minutes and a meager breakfast later, Germanicus began thinking about telling his father of their good fortune. He knew that his father would be overjoyed to hear that his eldest son was alive and in good health, but he also knew that the journey from Hispania to Rome was long and arduous, and he had no idea when he could expect his brother to arrive. Although it displeased him, Germanicus accepted that all he could do for the moment was wait for any updates from Gallus, and try to occupy himself in the meantime.

*** 

By the seventh hour of the day, Germanicus decided that it would be best not to tell his father about his brother right away. He would wait until the end of the Ludi to tell him. After all, his father had a lot to think about during the Ludi, like planning dinner parties, making political connections, dealing with Romulus’ never ending desire to go watch gladiator tournaments and various other events… The two men had in fact just returned from watching some fights that morning, and Germanicus could hear them discussing it loudly. 

“No, I don’t think it would be appropriate to have nude female wrestling as a preshow, Romulus!” 

“I’m just saying that it would help break up the monotony!”

“So the sight of men disemboweling each other isn’t exciting enough for you, then?”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. Of course Romulus would be one to make such a salacious suggestion. He allowed himself to entertain Romulus’ idea for a moment. It would be a rather interesting spectacle…for the novelty! Strictly for the novelty. Surely not for the nudity. Never. Germanicus blushed and tried to focus on other things. He supposed he could exercise some more. Or rearrange his room. He sighed. Civilian life was quickly becoming far too tiresome for his liking. Perhaps nude female wrestling really would break up the monotony… Germanicus groaned loudly and buried his head in his hands. All of his free time threatened to turn him into a debauched shadow of himself, like Romulus, or, gods help him, Gallus.

Germanicus grimaced at the thought, then remembered that he had sent his slave over to Gallus’ home to deliver a message. That was over four hours ago. Surely Feli would have returned by now. Had he gotten lost? Had something happened to him? Germanicus wondered whether he should go and look for him. He was about to head out to look for his slave, when said slave stumbled into the room, panting and sweaty.

“Where have you been?” Germanicus demanded, throwing his hands up in exasperation and stalking over to the young man. “I sent you out hours ago! Do you have a message for me?”

Still panting, Felicissimus leaned against the wall. “Yes, Dominus. Here.” He handed over a small scroll to Germanicus. Germanicus opened it. There was a short message written in Gallus’ flowery handwriting:

“Gallus L. Germanico salutem dicit, S.V.B.E.V,  
In regards to you brother I would say that he would have left Hispania sometime last week, judging from what Antonius has told me about the weather. There were storms last week- I suppose that they have let up by now. My congratulations on this fortunate turn of events! Also, your slave is exceedingly enjoyable. I’d gladly buy him off of you if you should ever tire of him!”

Germanicus scowled. What was wrong with that man? Gallus was the last person Germanicus would sell his slave to. He dared not think about the horrible things that awaited any young attractive slave that entered Gallus’ household. Not that he thought Feli was attractive, he would never think such things about another man! Gallus would, however. First he would think impure thoughts, and then he would act on them, that dirty old-

“Dominus, may I go?” Feli’s voiced jerked Germanicus back into reality. 

“I’m sorry, Feli, what did you say?”

“I asked if I could go, Dominus.” Feli yawned. “I had to walk so far, Dominus! I’m so tired…” He yawned again dramatically. 

“Fine. You may go.” Germanicus nodded as he dismissed his slave, who slowly left the room. Germanicus smiled to himself. Despite the annoying tone of Gallus’ letter, it was altogether a very positive letter. For if Gallus had thought rightly, Gaius would arrive within the month. Barring any tragic circumstances, of course. He would have to tell his father immediately- except that the loud arguing coming from the other room indicated that now was not a good time. Apparently his father and Romulus had let their disagreement about preshow entertainment escalate to new heights.

Germanicus sighed in frustration. How anything managed to get accomplished in this household was beyond him.; all the bickering that seemed to be going on all the time daunted everything’s progress. Germanicus knew it would be best for him to wait until he could speak with his father alone, anyway. Not wishing to speak to anyone other than his father, Germanicus made a hasty retreat to the gardens, where he would await the departure of Romulus.

To Germanicus’ great surprise, he saw that Felicissimus was also outside, seated on one of the benches. Despite his earlier wish to be left alone, Germanicus wandered over to his slave, who was staring up at a fig tree with a dreamy smile on his face. “I’m surprised you’re here,” Germanicus remarked bluntly, causing Feli to jump. “I was sure you’d gone off to take a nap somewhere.”

Feli shook his head. “No, Dominus,” he answered, his dreamy smile returning.

“Hm, well…” Germanicus was unsure what to say, but felt like he should say something authoritative, so as not to appear disinterested. “Well, carry on then!” He punctuated his sentence with a nod and turned to walk off, but Feli’s voice stopped him.

“I’m listening to the sky lark, Dominus!” Feli explained, his voice adopting a peaceful tone. “Can you hear it?”

Germanicus nodded. “Yes.” He bit his lip, unsure whether or not he should say anything more. He felt odd. “It’s a bit late in the year for a lark to be singing,” he finished lamely, wondering why he was even bothering with such an inane conversation in the first place.

“Ve… I can’t see it, though.” Feli sighed. “I can never spot them.”

“Ah. Well.” Germanicus walked a little closer and scrutinized the branches with sharp eyes. “It’s right… there.” He pointed, “See? On that branch.”

Feli squinted a bit. “Yes!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together happily. “I see it! It’s so small and pretty. Thank you, Dominus!”

Germanicus tried to hold back a smile, but failed. “You just have to look closely,” he explained, feeling rather pleased with himself. “Why are you so interested in skylarks?”

The young slave shrugged. “I think that they sound pretty. They always used to sing at home.” Germanicus felt as though someone had punched him in the gut as the all too familiar feeling of guilt crept up on him. He shifted uncomfortably, and merely nodded in response. Feli seemed to be completely oblivious to his discomfort, as he was still gazing happily at the little bird in the tree. Suddenly, he turned to Germanicus. “You seem upset, Dominus,” he observed. “Can I do anything for you?”

Germanicus shook his head. “No. I’m just… thinking about the letter you brought me.”

“Oh.” Feli nodded. “What did it say?”

Germanicus glanced at the young man, slightly taken aback by his brazenness. Admittedly, he’d just assumed that Feli had peeked at the letter himself, since there was no seal on it, so the slave’s curiosity came as a bit of a surprise. “My brother is coming home, and I am anxious for his arrival. You mean you didn’t read it yourself?” he asked in a mildly joking tone, his mouth curving into a half smile.

Feli shook his head, fervently denying it. “No, Dominus! I would never read your letters. Besides, I can’t read,” he added as an afterthought.

Germanicus felt incredibly stupid just then. Of course Feli couldn’t read. He hadn’t even been able to speak Latin as of a few months ago. Germanicus didn’t even know whether any of the Iberian tribes had a system of writing.

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Feli continued, smiling. “I have a brother too.”

“Oh?” Germanicus asked, not liking where the conversation was going. He kept his eyes trained on the ground, waiting for his slave to continue. 

“My brother wasn’t always very nice, but I miss him.” Feli sighed. “I probably won’t ever see him again. He ran away months ago during all the fighting.”

“Ran away?” Germanicus felt a little better, knowing that there was a possibility that he was not completely responsible for the annihilation of the young man’s family. “Why was he not fighting against us?”

“Oh but he did fight!” Feli’s eyes widened dramatically. “Not very much, I think. But when he saw all was lost he left. Our father always told us that there is no shame in running if it means we’ll live to see another day.” He sighed, his eyes growing sad. “Sometimes I wish I’d gone with him. Then I’d know where he is.”  
Germanicus swallowed a lump in his throat. Seeing his slave look so forlorn was proving to be rather painful, and for a brief moment he wondered if there would ever be some sort of reckoning for his actions. He had never been a particularly religious man, but for the first time in his life Germanicus asked himself what he would say in defense if asked why he had done so much harm to so many innocents, why he had wronged such a sweet natured person as Felicissimus. Would he say that he was following orders? That it was his job? He was surely doomed to Tartarus…

“Dominus?” Germanicus forced the morose thoughts from his mind and forced a small smile. His slave was gazing at him, large eyes filled with concern.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Germanicus cleared his throat, desperate to change the subject. “Feli, I think that I ought to teach you how to read and write. Or at least hire somebody to do so. You would be much more useful if you were literate!” He paused, trying to think of something nice to add. “And you would be able to read all of the wonderful literature that Rome has to offer.”

His slave brightened immediately. “Really, Dominus? You would teach me?” His eyes filled with emotion, and for the third time that week, threw his arms around his master. Germanicus knew that he ought to be used to such a performance by that point, He had learned however that the more he struggled to escape his slave’s rather strong embrace, the tighter Feli would hold on. It was best to stay calm.

“Yes, of course I shall,” he answered after a moment, gently pushing the young man away from him. “Perhaps we can start tonight, even. I won’t be busy. At the moment, however, I must go speak with my father. Important matters.” Giving his grateful slave a small smile, Germanicus went back inside the house, hoping that his father was alone.

***  
“Are you absolutely sure, Germanicus?” Germanicus’ father paced back and forth, blues eyes occasionally flickering up at his son, who opened his mouth only to be interrupted. “There is no mistake, is there?” Germanicus attempted to speak again, but his father cut him off again. “You haven’t been misinformed?”  
Germanicus waited a moment to ensure that there were to be no more interruptions before answering. “Father, there is no mistake. I had it confirmed. Gaius is alive… somehow, and will be back in Rome in a few weeks. A month at the most.”

His father finally stopped pacing.. “So my eldest son lives,” he murmured, his eyes vacant. “He’s alive, “ Suddenly, his eyes brightened, and Germanicus could have sworn that his father looked ten years younger. “My eldest son is alive and he’s coming home! Have you told Melicus?” Germanicus shook his head. “Well then. Do so at once! I must tell Romulus. He will be so pleased.” He turned and practically skipped out of the room, leaving a thunderstruck Germanicus behind him.

Seeing his father waltz out of the room with such a spring in his step made Germanicus chuckle. He hadn’t seen his father look so lively since his childhood. Telling his father about the advent of Gaius seemed to give a sense of finality to the matter, and for the first time since he had heard the news, Germanicus allowed himself to fully believe it. Bubbling with excitement, Germanicus broke into a large grin. “Melicus!” He called loudly, walking briskly to his cousin’s room. “Melicus! I have to tell you something!”

Melicus, who had evidently been sleeping, groggily stumbled out of his room. “What is it?” He demanded. “Germanicus, why are you yelling?” He pressed long delicate fingers to his temples. “This had better be important.”

“Melicus, Gaius is alive! He’s alive and he is coming home!” Germanicus watched in amusement as Melicus’ face lit up at the news.

“That’s wonderful, Germanicus!” Melicus’ smile soon faded, only to be replaced by a grimace. “You don’t suppose he’s changed at all, do you? In such a way so that he won’t torment me anymore?”

Germanicus sighed. “Cousin, it’s been over ten years since you last saw him. Besides, he’s thirty-two now. Surely he’s matured enough to spare you.” He paused for a moment before resuming. “We shall just have to see, won’t we? Try to be excited about it.” Smiling to himself, Germanicus strode off, wishing that his brother were going to arrive the very next day.

*** 

“Now, this is an ‘A’. As in ‘Africanus.’” Germanicus patiently reviewed the Latin alphabet again for Feli’s benefit. The young slave seemed to be picking it up quickly, but Germanicus did not see any harm in reviewing the basics. 

“Dominus, I understand this. Show me how to read! We’ve already had about five lessons…” Feli demanded impatiently. He was sitting on a stool next to Germanicus, looking intently at the scroll in his hand. 

Germanicus sighed. “All right, fine. I suppose that we have gone over this often enough. What should we read? Hmm…” He furrowed his brow. “There’s Caesar’s Gallic War, that’s a good read, Vergil, Cicero… no, Cicero is too political…Catullus? No, too vulgar. Plautus?” He grabbed his copy of Miles Gloriosus. “This is fairly easy. And fun, I suppose. What do you think?” He received a shrug in reply. “Very well. Plautus it is. Now,” He pointed to the words on the scroll. “You must not only sound out the letters, but you must also find the words.”

Feli gaped at the script. All of the words were bunched together, with no indication of where one ended and another began. He looked at his master for help.  
“Very well. I will place my finger at the end of each word to make it easier.” Germanicus did just that. “Now, sound out this word.”

The young slave slowly read out the title. “Mil-es…. Glor….i…o…sus.” He looked up at Germanicus. “What is ‘Gloriosus?’”

“’Gloriosus?’” It had not occurred to Germanicus that he would have to explain some vocabulary. “It means, um… bragging? Self-important. Full of bravado, swaggering. Understand?” 

Feli nodded slowly, and continued to read. “C-cu-rate ut splend-or meo sit clupeo cla-clarior quam solis radi-i esse olim quam sudu-mst- what is ‘sudumst?’ 

Germanicus glanced down at the paper. “It means ‘sudum est. ‘ It’s been shortened to fit the meter.” He looked over at his slave who looked completely lost. “How about I read the rest of this to you, and you can follow along?” Feli seemed to have picked up the basics quickly enough. Surely he could follow along.  
The slave nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, Dominus! I would like that very much!” Germanicus smiled to himself and proceeded to read the play aloud to Feli, moving his finger along the text so that the slave could follow along. Feli seemed to take great enjoyment in the piece, and would often giggle at the sillier parts.  
By the time Germanicus had finished Act I, he noticed that the intermittent chuckling had ceased. He had been so engrossed in the story that he had failed to notice that Feli was leaning against his shoulder. He glanced over at the young man and saw that he had fallen asleep. Germanicus took a moment to look at Feli’s youthful face. He looked so calm and happy, and, dare he say, almost cute. Germanicus gently shook the slave awake.

Feli slowly opened his eyes. “What? Oh, Dominus! I’m sorry. I must have fallen asleep! I was just enjoying hearing you read…”

“It’s fine.” Germanicus rose from his seat to return the scroll to its proper place. “I hope you at least learned something. Someday when I am old and blind you will have to read to me!” He chuckled. “We will do more later. Now, unless I’m mistaken, I believe you were supposed to tidy the kitchen today?”

The auburn haired man nodded energetically. “Yes, Dominus!” he agreed, before hurrying out of the room to do just that. Germanicus could not help but smile a little bit. He was in a good mood. His brother would be home soon, he was successfully making his slave literate, and, to top it all off, he had not once had to clean up any messes that Feli had inadvertently made. All in all, it had been a quite successful couple of weeks.

Things continued to be fairly uneventful. Germanicus continued to help Feli with studies, Melicus continued to lounge about playing the cithara, and Romulus would occasionally make an appearance, usually to drunkenly tell stories of his own acts of bravery. The general peacefulness, while pleasant, did not make the wait for Gaius’ arrival any easier to bear, however. Thus it was a great relief to everyone when the wait ended on a rainy night in early October.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a random note: Normally, when addressing someone in Latin, one would use the vocative case. Feli calls his master "Dominus," which is the nominative case, and is therefore incorrect. I did this because I figured that he would not have fully grasped all of Latin grammar.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys this!


	5. Fraternitas et Lustrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being feared dead, Gaius (Prussia) returns, and seems to be his usual self. The brothers go cavorting. Lots of inconsequential OCs make brief appearances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has a lot of... random stuff happening in it. I've been trying to convert Germany into a more Roman character, which is why he might seem a little bit OOC (Same with Prussia.) For example, the Romans would not have been drinking beer heavily. Also, since Germany likes to follow as many rules as possible, I am making him adhere to Roman values and laws (which might contrast with those of the actual character.) Anyway, enjoy!

“He was supposed to arrive this afternoon! Now it is approaching the fifth hour of night, and still no sign.” Germanicus’ father paced back and forth, letter in hand. To everyone’s utmost joy a letter had arrived from Gaius himself a few days before, informing them that he had arrived in Mediolanum safely, and that they should anticipate his arrival five days before the Ides of October. 

Germanicus regarded his father with frustration and concern. It was most unlike his father to be so anxious about anything, no matter how serious, and yet the man was pacing back and forth across the atrium as though his life depended on it. “Father, you mustn’t worry yourself too much. Gaius probably got delayed because of the weather. The roads must be muddy. Besides, Gaius is notorious for making wrong estimates about travel time.”

“No, Germanicus.” His father shook his head. “The roads of Rome are unparalleled in safety and maintenance. There is no reason he should be late!”

“Really, Father, you’re fretting more than Mother used to. Gaius will get here when he gets here. He’s come too far to let anything happen to him now.” Germanicus spoke confidently, but he could not suppress his own worries. He knew that it was imperative that he acted calm, however, for his father’s sake. 

“Perhaps we should all just go to bed,” he suggested, rubbing his temples. “There is no use in staying up like this. There is no way Gaius would be travelling in this weather anyhow.” As if to prove his point, a loud clap of thunder resounded throughout the house. “One would have to be extremely foolish to-“

A loud knock at the door interrupted Germanicus’ words, and one of the slaves hastened to answer it. Everybody in the room seemed to hold their breath while they waited. Presently, the slave returned, followed by cloaked man.

“By Jove, it’s raining so hard out there, I rather think I was drier at sea!” The cloak was cast off to reveal a happy, if not drenched, Gaius. “Take this.” He carelessly cast the sopping wet cloak over to the slave who had shown him in, then fixed Germanicus and his father with a toothy smile. “Well, Father,” he said loudly, smile growing wider. “Did you miss me?”

Germanicus watched in wonderment as his father briskly walked over to Gaius and embraced him tightly. His brother’s presence had not fully registered with him yet. The whole experience felt surreal. He felt rather peculiar as he watched his father come perilously close to tearing up, and Gaius’ facial expression soften into a gentle smile, He was always aware that his father shared a particularly close bond with his eldest son, but he had never seen it as clearly as he did just then.

“I was told that you were dead!” 

Gaius’ face resumed its normal cocky expression. “Hardly, Father. It will take more than a few Iberians to get rid of me!” He turned to Germanicus. “I see you made it back as well, Brother. The barbarians should have thought twice before challenging us!” Germanicus was caught in a tight embrace. Once released, he wasted no time in bombarding his brother with questions.

“Gaius, how did you get away? Did they hurt you? What happened?”

To his annoyance, Gaius laughed. “Oh, Germanicus, you are businesslike as usual. I will answer all of your questions, but I am in dire need of dry clothing.” He glanced around the room. “Where is Melicus?” He asked causally. “He still lives here, doesn’t he?”

“Melicus went to bed hours ago,” Germanicus informed him. “He’ll undoubtedly be pleased to see that you’ve arrived in one piece.”

Gaius snorted. “Typical of him. That pretty boy has never been able to stay up late. I imagine he needs his beauty sleep.” He snorted derisively again.

“I think that Melicus was rather hoping that you’d lost interest in mocking him. I can see that he is going to be disappointed.” Germanicus’ lips curved into a smile. 

“If he didn’t make it so damned easy, then perhaps I wouldn’t do it,” Gaius retorted before turning back to his father. “All right, Father, I must change out of this old tunic before I catch my death. It would be very frustrating if I succumbed to a cold after coming all this way.”

His father nodded. “Yes, my son. Get dried off. Get some rest. You can tell us your stories tomorrow after you have rested. “ He turned to Germanicus. “And don’t you pester him for information. He’s been through enough already, and will make everything clear once he feels up to it. In the meantime, take him to his room and make sure he has everything he needs. I will not have my eldest son travel all this way only to be uncomfortable!” With that, he ushered his two sons out of the atrium.

Gaius chuckled once he and Germanicus were out of earshot. “Well, it seems as if the old Pater has taken to nagging in his old age! Has he been driving you mad in my absence?” 

“Not as much as you might think. He spends most of his time arguing with Romulus to bother nagging me.”

“Romulus, eh? He’s still around, is he?” Gaius glanced over at his brother who nodded. “I thought as much. Well, I don’t mind. Romulus is a fun guy. You know he took me out to a brothel when I came of age? Now that is a devoted friend of the family! This is my room, I take it?”

Germanicus nodded, scowling at his brother’s crass attitude. Some things would never change.

“Good!” Gaius entered the room and immediately flopped onto the bed. “If I could make alcohol appear out of thin air,” he murmured wistfully, fingers running through his snowy hair, “I would be a happy man.”

Germanicus sighed, getting the hint. He turned to the slave that their father had sent with them, and ordered for him to bring wine, and a dry tunic. The slave nodded in affirmation and complied.

“Is it just me, or has Father gotten rid of all the pretty slaves?” Gaius furrowed his brow in concern. “I was hoping I could find one to keep me company tonight.” He grinned. “Remember Mandane?”

“How could I forget?” Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You were incapable of shutting up about her for more than two seconds.”

“You exaggerate!” Gaius protested, shedding his wet clothes. “You’re just jealous because she wouldn’t sleep with you.”

Germanicus immediately noticed the angry looking scars that marred his brother’s chest. Biting his lip, he considered mentioning them. He decided against it, and instead responded to his brother’s taunt. “Positively seething.”

“That’s what I thought! She was so pretty. “ He sighed happily. “Nice hair, pretty eyes… fantastic ass…”

“...perfectly fine with bringing up an army of your bastard children.” Germanicus added, smirking.

“Those could have been anybody’s!” Gaius snapped. “She let Romulus bed her frequently enough.” He paused when the slave returned with a dry tunic and a jug of wine. Gaius poured himself a cup and took a large gulp before continuing. “Besides, none of them looked like me.” 

“No one in Rome looks like you,” Germanicus retorted, recalling all of the questioning stares that his pale brother had received over the years. 

Gaius shrugged. “Irrelevant. What’s new with you?”

Germanicus frowned. “Nothing exciting. I am waiting here until I get sent out to campaign in Illyricum. Gaius, that is all unimportant. How did you survive in Hispania? We all thought you were dead.”

Gaius waved his hand dismissively, taking another drink of wine. “When you consider the sheer magnitude of my greatness, can you really be surprised by my survival?”

“I see your ordeal has failed to instill an ounce of humility within you.”

“If I were to exercise humility and downplay my merits then I would be lying. You wouldn’t want your awesome elder brother to be a liar, would you?”

Germanicus fixed his brother with an icy glare. “You’re trying to distract me from my questions. It won’t work.”

Grimacing, Gaius whined. “Oh come on, Germanicus. You know that Father is going to make me tell the entire story tomorrow, and then press me for every detail. Don’t make me tell it twice. It’s a long story! It will take hours! Hours!”

Sighing, Germanicus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. I’ll let the subject drop… would you put some clothes on?”

His brother shrugged and donned the fresh tunic. “Does nakedness still bother my sweet dear innocent little brother? Even after all those years in the army?”

“No. Your whiteness is blinding me.” Germanicus secretly enjoyed the scowl his words elicited, dodging the pillow that was subsequently thrown at him, but failing to avoid the shoe that soon followed. “Bastard,” he grumbled as the shoe made contact with his shoulder. “It’s good to have you back,” he said after a moment, rubbing his shoulder gingerly.

Gaius smiled. “Believe me, I’m glad to be back.” He yawned. “As much as I’d love to continue this emotional reunion, I’m exhausted.” He flopped down onto his back on the bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? And if you happen to pass any pretty slaves in the hallway, send them to me!”

“And what would you do, snore at them?” Germanicus chuckled. “Good night, Brother.” Yawning, he made his way to his own room, and was completely unsurprised to see Feli fast asleep on his bed yet again. Germanicus momentarily considered waking the young man and kicking him out, but decided against it. He was too tired. The room was also cold, and although Germanicus would never admit it, he welcomed the warmth that radiated from the young man curled up on his bed. Thinking no more of the matter, Germanicus climbed into bed, and was soon asleep. He was so tired that he didn’t seem to mind that Feli immediately wriggled right up next to him.

***

“So, tell me again. Were you captured by the Cantabrians? Or the Asurians?” Romulus furrowed his brow in interest. Gaius had been wrong about his father wanting to ask him about every detail. Lucius Germanicus the Elder had listened to the story in silence; it was Romulus who kept on interjecting at random times, and asking for Gaius to repeat himself.

“I’m not sure. They’re both Iberians. What difference does it make? Anyway,” Gaius drank some wine. “The point is they took four other men and myself. I’m not sure why they didn’t just kill us. Who knows? Maybe they thought they could ransom us, or get good money from selling us as slaves.”

“But how did they manage to subdue you in the first place?” Melicus asked, eyes narrowed in concern. “It seems to me that a horde of barbarians is no match for a well armed Roman!”

“You’d be surprised,” Gaius answered darkly, face growing serious. “The men who are defending their homes always fight the hardest. I was outnumbered, and my sword was knocked from my hand. I was completely defenseless, and I had received a painful blow to my shoulder, so I couldn't have put up much of a struggle. To resist would have been suicide. And to be honest,” he sighed. “I don’t think I had it in me to resist. I was exhausted and wounded.”

Germanicus listened aptly as his brother detailed the circumstances that followed his capture. He had been beaten, tortured, and starved for days Two of the other captives had died from the wounds they sustained.

“Why would they do this to you?” Germanicus asked suddenly, interrupting a particularly gory part of the story.

“I wish I knew.” Gaius shrugged. “My only guess is that they hated us, and wanted to punish us for attacking them. I don’t know. I could be wrong.” His eyes had grown distant, and his voice trailed off.

“How did you get away?” Melicus’ question seemed to magically banish the pained look from his Gaius' eyes.

“I did the only thing someone as brilliant as me could.” A cocky grin spread across Gaius’ face. “I slipped my bonds one night, and attempted to escape unseen. Of course, that did not go too smoothly. I was immediately pursued.” His grin grew wider. “But that’s all part of the fun, isn’t it?”

He then proceeded to launch into the most drawn out (and very probably exaggerated) description of a fight that Germanicus had ever heard. It rivaled the Iliad in its descriptiveness.

“… then I wandered for Jove knows how long, and I suppose I must have passed out. I was told that I was laying in a field outside a small town, unconscious and running a fever.” Gaius shrugged. “The rest is fairly unexciting. I was brought to Roman’s home, cared for, and when I was well enough I told him what happened. You know the rest.”

“But what are your plans now?” Romulus demanded. “Are you going to go to Illyricum with your brother?”

Gaius shook his head sadly. “Alas, no. Not with the wounds I sustained to my shoulder. It will be months before I will be able to wield a sword properly, much less be able to fight successfully.” He sighed. “Oh well. What’s done is done. It’s not like I don’t have any options. I can go into politics now. Perhaps my awesome prowess on the battlefield will carry over into my political career. Maybe I’ll get a Quaestorship.“ Suddenly grinning, he turned to Germanicus. “Hey, Brother, I think that the real tragedy here is that you’re going to be fighting without the most awesome warrior in all of Rome! Try not to be too terrified. Perhaps the gods will take pity on you.” 

Germanicus rolled his eyes at his snickering elder brother, but said nothing in protest. He knew that Gaius was probably feeling very lost, being faced with civilian life. Not because of a lack of order and routine, but because he loved fighting. Gaius was in every way a conqueror. He loved planning battles, sallying forth into combat, slaying the enemy… Germanicus felt a twinge of sadness for his brother just then.

“Besides,” Gaius continued, “at least now I won’t be getting sunburned all the time!”

Melicus snorted. “Cousin, you’d get sunburned even if you lived in Britannia.”

“Melicus. I’d wager you wouldn’t even survive the journey to Britannia.”

“Oh shut up. I would.”

“Really? I seem to recall an instance where you couldn’t even make the journey to Capua without falling ill and complaining every step of the way…”

“Bastard!”

“Poncey brat!”

“Be quiet, the both of you!” 

The two men gazed sheepishly at Lucius, who was giving them his most authoritative of stares. The paterfamilias had the ability to command respect even from full grown men, even one as outspoken as Gaius.

Knowing that it was only a matter of time before the squabbling started up again, Germanicus excused himself. As much as he loved his brother, he was not very fond of Gaius and Melicus' constant bickering. It had been that way since childhood, and Germanicus suspected that it would never change. 

Still, he mused, it was a small miracle that Gaius had managed to escape the ordeal in fairly good spirits. Germanicus wondered if he would have borne the humiliation and torture as well as Gaius apparently had. The pained whimpers and gasps that Gaius uttered in his sleep, however, unbeknown to his brother, indicated otherwise.

*** 

“Dominus, you are speaking too quickly, I can’t keep up!” Feli scribbled frantically on the wax tablet, trying his best to write down Germanicus’ words.

Germanicus sighed. “How far did you get?” Over the past few weeks his slave had learned the basics of reading and writing, and was now learning how to write down words as Germanicus dictated them. Germanicus had to admit that his slave had become fairly literate at an almost alarmingly fast pace, and wasn’t sure whether to attribute it to his teaching skills, or to Feli’s intelligence.

Feli looked over his shoulder. “I only just started to miss the last five or so words…” He held out the wax tablet to Germanicus.

“Hmm…” Germanicus squinted at the tablet, trying to decipher Feli’s nearly illegible handwriting. “Well, you… almost got all of it right.” He was relieved that he had thought to have his slave practice on a wax tablet, rather than with more permanent and expensive materials. “Perhaps we should work more on penmanship?”

“If you say so, Dominus…”

Germanicus was about to provide his slave with handwriting exercises when his brother loudly stomped into the room. “Germanicus!” He exclaimed,  
catching sight of his slightly perturbed younger brother. “I have a question for you.” He paused, staring at Feli in confusion. “What’s he doing?”

“I’m teaching him how to write legibly,” Germanicus explained. “I figured that it would be nice to have someone to write letters for me while I am busy with other things.”

Gaius wrinkled his nose. “Sounds like a lot of effort, Brother. If I were you, I would just invest in a literate slave next time. “ He glanced over at the writing tablet. “I can’t even read this.”

“I was going to give him exercises to copy down…”

“Aha! I know just the thing!” Gaius smirked. “Hey, Slave. Have you ever heard of Catullus?”

Feli shook his head, his wide eyes filled with confusion.

“Then you, my friend, are missing out. Allow me to recite my favorite poem of his…” Gaius inhaled and puffed out his chest. “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo-“

“Enough of that!” Germanicus interrupted. “Stop spewing those profanities. What were you going to ask me, anyway?”

“Oh yes.” Gaius broke into a grin., still chuckling a little bit about his recitation of rude poetry. “I wanted to know whether you wanted to come with me to the theater later tonight- I heard that the shows going on are hilarious.”

“Who told you that? Gallus?” Germanicus rolled his eyes. He knew that his brother was not one for the theater unless the show involved at least three different varieties of raunchy behavior. “So by ‘theater’ you meant ‘ribald variety show.’ I’m not too keen on spending my evening watching bawdy spectacles.”

“Stop pontificating! You know that you want to come with me. Maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll see tits!”

Germanicus blustered, his face bright red. “I-I have no desire to go, and, um… watch loose women…flaunt their… um….”

“Oh please,” Gaius interrupted, snorting. “I remember all those dirty pictures you used to keep! Come on, it will be fun. If you want, we could even visit a brothel after. I for one think that it’s been far too long since you last bedded any-“

“Shut up!” Germanicus was sure he would die of embarrassment. Entirely against his will his mind wandered back to the first time his brother had taken him to a brothel. Germanicus had been sixteen, and Gaius had insisted that it was of the utmost importance that his younger brother gained some sexual experience before joining the army. It had been a mind-scarringly awkward ordeal. After overcoming his initial discomfiture over being with a naked woman in the first place, the young Germanicus had floundered around, trying to find the best way to go about it… all he'd had to go on were some pornographic pictures he'd... stumbled upon, and there was only so much one could learn from those. If the whore had not been so patient, Germanicus would probably have run out of the brothel, virginity and all. Germanicus cringed as he recalled the extremely brief, awkward coupling that had followed. Even fourteen years later, his teenage ineptitude was still humiliating.

“No need to be so uptight!” Gaius slapped his brother on the back. “It will be good for you. Come on, Germanicus. It’s been far too long since we’ve done anything like this together!”

“There’s a very good reason for that,” Germanicus muttered under his breath. Still, Gaius refused to take no for an answer, and Germanicus finally relented. “All right,” he sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat. “When is it?”

“Not for quite a few hours. I was thinking we could go get sufficiently drunk beforehand, though. How does that grab you?”

Germanicus shrugged. “I suppose if I am going to endure a night of debauchery I might as well be drunk enough to enjoy myself.

“Amazing. I’ll let you finish up… whatever you’re doing here.” He gestured at Feli and the writing implements. “And don’t spend too much time teaching him how to write legibly. From the looks of what he’s done already, it’s a lost cause.” Thus speaking, Gaius left Germanicus and the slave alone for the time being.

“…shall we continue, then?” Germanicus asked, clearing his throat. “I will give you some sentences to copy down.”

“Yes, Dominus. But, Dominus… what do ‘pedicabo’ and ‘irrumabo’ mean?”

“I think I ought to spare you from the cruder parts of Latin…” Germanicus reddened. “There is no need to incorporate those words into anybody’s vocabulary.”

“But Dominus-“

“I am not telling you.”

Feli looked disappointed, but he picked up the stylus and wax tablet, ready to begin again. “What shall I write now, Dominus?”

*** 

The outdoor theater was filled with the sounds of raucous laughter and drunken hoots and hollers as the masked actors pranced about in gaudy costumes. A man wearing goat mask and a comically large fake phallus chased another man, heavily made up wearing a wig and fake breasts, around in circles, while the other actors on the stage looked on in mock horror. When the goat-man pounced on the “woman,” Gaius roared with laughter along with the rest of the crowd. Even Germanicus found it amusing. He had consumed much more wine than he was accustomed to, and found that everything seemed much funnier after a certain point of inebriation had been reached. 

“Hilarious! Absolutely brilliant!” Gaius laughed, accepting what must have been his tenth cup of wine from an attendant. “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here, Brother? Look!” He pointed towards the stage. “Real women. Finally! I’ve been waiting for the vaudeville to become a burlesque!”

Germanicus nodded, secretly enjoying the ribaldry. He even joined in the cheering and whistling when the scantily clad girls began dancing and juggling fire. Entranced, he accepted more wine, knocking it back quickly. Meanwhile Gaius began making vulgar appraisals of the dancers.

“Look at the tits on that one!” He guffawed, pointing. “Haven’t seen any like those in a while. Think I could get her to take her dress off?”

Germanicus glanced sideways at his brother, but did not respond. He was too preoccupied with the naked women- no, the performance. The performance. Despite the large amount of alcohol in his system, Germanicus had not yet reached the point of admitting to himself that he was watching several half naked women frolic around on a stage, and enjoying every moment of it. A few more drinks remedied that, however, and when lavishly dressed prostitutes began to enter the vicinity, Germanicus was unfazed.

The spectacle lasted for nearly an hour more, and by the time it was over, the theater had turned into a veritable brothel. Men were being led away by women in scanty dresses and heavy makeup, whilst actors and other entertainers began pandering for money from the spectators. Gaius had wasted no time in pulling one of the women into his lap.

“What a pretty thing you are,” he murmured huskily while the young women giggled, pretending to be scandalized by his wandering hands. Germanicus looked away; he had no desire to watch his elder brother seducing women. He was not that drunk. He shot a sideways glance of disapproval at his brother, who had whispered something into the young woman’s ear, and received a slap for his troubles.

“Control your filthy tongue!”

“Oh, my dear, give me but a few minutes, and you will never insult my tongue again!”

Germanicus snorted in disgust, and rose to leave. If his brother wanted to spend the rest of the evening dallying with whores, then that was his prerogative. Germanicus’ escape, however, was delayed when one of the prostitutes grabbed his tunic.

“Leaving so soon, Sir?” She asked, batting heavily made up eyes at him. 

Germanicus nodded shakily. Over the course of his life, Germanicus had conquered many things. His awkwardness around women, however, was not one of them. He always felt completely disarmed by the pretty ones, and intimidated by the shrewish ones. The woman in front of him now was decidedly of the former category despite her heavy maquillage, and her scanty, almost see-through clothes showed off what Germanicus thought was a rather attractive body. He had to admit, he was sorely tempted. After over a decade of near celibacy, save for a few encounters with female hostages or the occasional provincial prostitute, a finely dressed young woman was indeed appealing.

The young woman smiled coyly at him. “Don’t you have a name?”

Completely captivated, Germanicus managed to sputter out his name. The prostitute laughed softly.

“Well then, Ge-Ger-Germanicus,” she giggled at her own joke. “My name is Valeria. Now that we know each other…” she ran soft fingers down his arm beguilingly, “how about we get further acquainted?” She had begun caressing his chest and slowly running her hands down to his thighs.

He knew that he ought to shake her off of him and walk away, but he couldn’t. Germanicus let out a soft moan as his body betrayed him. He did not want to be known as a patron of whores, but the way Valeria was touching him was driving away what little reason he retained.

“Why don’t you come with me?” Valeria whispered, painted lips brushing against the shell of Germanicus’ ear. Her hand had slipped under his tunic, and was slowly making its way up his thigh. Her hands were very, very soft.

Germanicus bit his lip, suppressing another moan. It had been a long time since his last sexual encounter- nearly a year. When the prostitute began to lead him down a side street, he did not resist. Nor did he complain when she sank to her knees to take him into her pretty mouth. No thoughts about the possibility of somebody seeing him being fellated in an alley crossed his alcohol-addled mind. Germanicus merely leaned against the wall and allowed it to happen, tangling his fingers in Valeria’s hair. When he finished, Germanicus barely took the time to collect himself before paying the prostitute for services rendered. Drunk, sated, and exhausted, Germanicus staggered home, figuring that his brother could find his own way.

*** 

Germanicus awoke the next day with what he considered to be the worst headache of his life. It was the second hour; later than he was accustomed to. He groaned as he got to his feet, rubbing his forehead as he did so. He could not remember that last time he’d drank that much. Cursing his brother’s bad influence, Germanicus washed and got dressed, hoping that his headache would subside as the day went on.

A few hours and several glasses of water later, Germanicus’ headache had begun to fade. It was a small consolation to him that Gaius was in far worse shape than he; Gaius had woken up a short while ago and promptly vomited. He was still loudly complaining about his own headache, much to Germanicus’ annoyance.

“If your head hurts so badly then why don’t you just go back to bed?”

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep. And nothing would be distracting me from the pain!”

“It’s your own fault. I have no sympathy.”

Gaius groaned again and covered his eyes. “Everything is too bright. Make it go away.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You got yourself into this, Brother. Stop complaining. I know for a fact you’ve been through worse than a bad hangover.”

“I’d rather face a horde of angry barbarians…”

Scoffing, Germanicus turned to leave, saying that he needed to exercise. He did not want to risk becoming unacceptably out of shape before leaving for Illyricum. Glancing over his shoulder at Gaius, Germanicus added, “Why don’t you go and find Melicus? I’m sure you’ll feel better after you’ve insulted him for about half an hour.” Not waiting to hear his brother’s reply, Germanicus left, eager to fit some running into his day.

***

Germanicus returned home some hours later, after having had what turned out to be a rather relaxing day. After he had exercised, he’d visited the baths, then proceeded to the barber for a shave. He joined his family for dinner shortly after his return. Unsurprisingly, Gaius was not present. He’d gone back to bed, declaring that he was at Death’s door.

Dinner was a simple affair. The meal consisted of fish, fruit and vegetables; the conversation was just as bland. Germanicus listened to his father talk about the morning salutatio, and to Melicus complain about how he never got a moment of peace now that Gaius was back.

“Speaking of Gaius, did you two enjoy yourselves last night?” Melicus cocked an eyebrow at his cousin. “Gaius obviously did. Did you have a good time watching the… performance?” 

Germanicus narrowed his eyes at his smug cousin. “It was… entertaining, yes. Would I do it every night? No.”

“Ah. Well, I can’t say I approve.” Melicus sniffed, and continued picking at his food. “I’ve always thought that sort of entertainment to be insufferably plebian.”

Germanicus chose not to respond. He knew that his cousin derived a sort of pleasure from passively taunting others. It was best to ignore him at these times.

“Melicus, please.” Germanicus’ father looked at the young man sternly. “Let’s not mar dinner with argument.”

Melicus seemed disappointed, and fell silent.

“Now,” Germanicus’ father continued. “I would like to discuss the upcoming holiday. Saturnalia will be upon us soon. Three weeks might seem like a long time, but believe me, it isn’t. We have to figure out who to invite over, we have to acquire the proper clothing- Germanicus, I don’t think you have any of the colorful tunics, Melicus, I know you have several...” 

After listening to his father drone on about the intricacies and planning of Saturnalia for a good hour, Germanicus decided that it was high time to get some work done. He had a few letters to send, and he had been planning on having Feli work on handwriting some more.

It was not difficult for Germanicus to find his slave. The young man was sitting in Germanicus’ room, wax tablet in hand. His face was  
contorted in a look of intense concentration as he moved the stylus over the wax. So great was his concentration that he did not notice Germanicus’ presence until the blond man was standing right in front of him.

“What are you writing?” Germanicus asked, breaking Feli’s concentration. He guessed that whatever it was had to be important- he had never seen the young man look so focused before.

Feli smiled, and shyly handed the tablet to Germanicus. Instead of words, the tablet was covered with little drawings of birds, pots, pans, and pieces of fruit. Germanicus had to admit, they were good sketches. Glancing up from the tablet, Germanicus fixed his slave with a stern look. “Have you practiced writing at all today?”

Feli shook his head. “I was going to, Dominus! But then I started thinking about pretty things, like birds! Then I couldn’t help but draw them…” He looked so happy and pleased with himself that it took every ounce of Germanicus’ self control not to smile. He had to admit that there was something very charming about Feli’s carefree attitude, and it sometimes instilled a kind of longing in him, akin to one wishing to live a simpler life. Before he became too sentimental, Germanicus reminded himself that it was that kind of attitude that got nations conquered. 

“I think that you should do more writing exercises,” he declared. “If I’m going to have you write some of my letters for me, your handwriting has to be legible. Or, perhaps if you wanted to write to anybody… “

Feli cocked his head. “Ve…but Dominus, who would I write to?”

Germanicus shrugged. He hadn’t thought about that. “Whomever you want,” he answered quickly. “Oh, Feli,” he added. “Saturnalia is in a few weeks. I don’t suppose you know what that is?”

The slave shook his head. “Is it a holiday?”

“Yes.” Germanicus nodded his head solemnly. Holidays were serious business. “It’s a celebration, but it’s very particular. You see, it’s about throwing away the normal order of things. For instance, nobody frowns on gambling, or drinking to much.” His mind wandered back to the previous night, and he felt a blush threatening to rise. His behavior had not been particularly dignified. “But more importantly,” he continued, forcing away thoughts of wine and bawdy shows, “slaves do not have to act as slaves for the duration of the celebration.”

Feli’s eyes widened. “What do you mean, Dominus?”

“I mean that you may dine with us, you may gamble, carouse, do whatever you wish. And, we are not allowed to punish you.”

“Oh… but, you already don’t punish me, Dominus!”

“Well, um, perhaps not, but…” Germanicus felt a bit embarrassed by his indulgent lenience. He often let Feli get away with things that no one else would. “…well, if you were to tell me that you thought I was too strict, or unkind, I would not be allowed to reprimand you.”

“I would never call Dominus unkind!” Feli paused for a moment, and his face grew thoughtful. “Maybe I would say that you should not frown so much, though, Dominus. You look older when you frown.”

“….Saturnalia has not started yes,” Germanicus deadpanned, unsure whether or not he should be annoyed, “Save your criticisms for another three weeks. Now, are you ready to practice penmanship?”

“Yes, Dominus.”

“All right then. Write down what I tell you to.” Germanicus paused to think of an easy sentence. “Ego sum Romanus. Write that.”

Feli complied. Germanicus looked at the tablet and sighed. “Feli, I can’t read that. Try again.” Once his slave had done so, Germanicus took another look. “You are writing too quickly,” he decided. “Slow down. Form the letters carefully.” Dissatisfied with his slave’s efforts, Germanicus sighed and , standing behind his slave, grabbed Feli’s hand, and guided it over the tablet.

“Like this,” he instructed. “Honestly, I don’t see how somebody with such a talent for drawing can write so poorly.” 

“I’m sorry, Dominus.” Feli offered a tiny smile. “I’ll practice more… are you angry, Dominus?” His expression became sad.

Germanicus felt something inexplicable tugging inside his chest. “No, I’m not angry,” he answered, withdrawing his hand. “I just want you to learn.” His assurances seemed to placate his slave, who grinned before tackling the exercises once again. Germanicus watched Feli copy the assigned sentence several times, keeping his eyes focused on the words as they were slowly and deliberately etched in the wax. He couldn’t help but notice the way Feli’s long slender fingers gripped the stylus. Germanicus wondered how anybody who possessed such… delicate fingers could be so clumsy. It didn’t make any sense. His eyes wandered to Feli’s face. His slave looked so determined, so focused. Lips pursed in concentration, Feli did not look up from his task, even when his auburn hair fell into his eyes. Germanicus fought the urge to brush it back for him.

“Is this any better, Dominus? Dominus?”

“Oh.” Germanicus quickly looked back at the tablet. “Yes. Much better.” He nodded. “Now, just put that kind of care into everything I ask you to write.” His eyes briefly travelled back to Feli’s face, and he momentarily wondered how old he was. He entertained the notion of asking, but ultimately decided that it was too forward.

“Dominus?” Feli asked a short while later.

“Yes?”

“Now that you’re happy with my writing, are you not going to help me with reading anymore?”

Germanicus thought for a moment. “Would you like to learn more?”

Feli nodded. ‘Yes. Yes I would. Besides,” he smiled. “I like it when you read things to me.”

“That… that is not the point of the lessons!” Germanicus sputtered. “You’re supposed to be learning how to read things for yourself!”

“Yes, but I like listening to your voice, Dominus.”

Germanicus felt his face growing very hot. His slave seemed to have an innate talent for making him feel awkward. “I think I’m going to go to bed,” he announced, moving away from where Feli sat. 

“Do you need anything, Dominus?” Feli turned to him, smiling, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

Germanicus shook his head slowly. His mouth suddenly felt very dry. “No,” he choked out finally. “No, I don’t need anything. Just sleep. Thank you.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No,” Germanicus answered, perhaps a little too quickly. “Just go to your own quarters. I won’t be needing anything more tonight.”

“But Dominus-“

“Do not protest. I have errands that I need to run tomorrow. And a few things I’m going to ask you to do. I would advise you to go to bed as well. I can’t have you falling asleep in the middle of the errands.”

For a moment Germanicus thought that his slave was going to protest some more, but ultimately Feli sighed heavily and slowly shuffled away. Once he was alone. Germanicus mentally planned out the next day. He had to go into town, purchase some odds and ends for his father, and see about obtaining a set of colorful dinner clothes. He cringed at the thought. The most popular color for such garments was a hue that Gaius liked to call “garish purple.” Germanicus grumbled to himself before rolling over and falling into a deep sleep.

***  
Germanicus woke up early, and had finished his errands by midday. He’d even managed to wake Feli up and force him out the door to deliver some letters. He figured that the task would take the young man a few hours; Feli would have to walk quite a few miles in order to accomplish it. Germanicus reasoned that his slave, who spent most of the day eating and sleeping (when he wasn’t clumsily causing havoc) could use the exercise.  
Sighing to himself, Germanicus wondered why he bothered keeping the slave. Feli did relatively little in regard to housework. True, he would clean occasionally, and cook, but the instances of cleaning were few and far between, and the cooking always resulted in a catastrophic mess. 

Germanicus had to admit however, that he recently had begun to enjoy the company of his slave. The young man had an overall agreeable nature, and genuinely seemed to mean well. Additionally Germanicus had recently become aware of an undeniable urge to protect him. He couldn’t quite explain it, but figured it was normal. Feli was technically his property, after all. An investment of sorts. Only a fool wouldn’t take care of his own possessions.

“Oi, Brother, what are you up to?” Gaius had strolled into the vicinity and loudly made his presence known.

“I was enjoying some quiet free time before you walked in. What do you want?”

Gaius shrugged. “Nothing. I was bored, and wanted to see what you were up to.”

“As you can see, nothing exciting.”

“Why am I not surprised.” The two men fell silent. Germanicus coughed. He was about to leave when Gaius spoke again.

“Melicus is getting married.”

Germanicus cocked an eyebrow. “Really? Since when?”

“Since three days ago, apparently. To the daughter of one of Father’s friends, I think. I’ve heard that she’s a shrew.” He laughed humorlessly. “Still,” he added, face downcast, “it’s odd to think that Melicus of all people is getting married before either of us.”

“But we are not allowed to get married while serving in the legions.”

“Yes, but I’m not serving anymore. I could get married now if I wanted to…”

“Then get married.”

“You make it sound so simple, Germanicus-“

“Melicus found someone to marry him.”

“Yeah, but I think Father helped with that. Besides, the girl is such a shrew no one else would marry her-“

“I think you’re being rather unfair.”

“Some say that a snake bit her once… then died.”

“Now you’re just being cruel.”

Gaius sighed dramatically. “Well, whatever the case, I’m stupefied. How Melicus is going to deal with a wife is beyond me.” He perked up suddenly. “Want to go out drinking again?”

“No!” 

“You didn’t have to answer so fast…” Gaius looked taken aback. “By the way, where’s that slave of yours? I haven’t heard anything break for a few hours. Is he gone?”

Germanicus shrugged. “I sent him out to run some errands for me. I figured that he needed to get out of the house.”

“Are you sure he’s going to come back?” Gaius joked. “He seems flaky. You must have great faith in him to just let him run around town.”

Germanicus made a noncommittal sound. “He’ll be back.”

“I’m sure he will…” Gaius grinned suddenly. “So, have you bedded him yet?”

Germanicus coughed, and turned bright red. “What?!” He near-yelled, appalled. “How can you even suggest such a thing? Of course not!”

“Just asking.” Gaius chuckled, running a hand through his pale hair. “I’m trying to figure out why you keep him around he’s practically useless. Don’t look so scandalized,” he snapped at Germanicus, who had opened his mouth to protest. “It happens all the time. It’s perfectly fine for a man to take another as his lover… as long as he isn’t the submissive one, of course…” 

Still reeling from the affront, Germanicus tried and failed to speak. Seemingly oblivious to his brother’s distress, Gaius continued.

“…it’s normal for a man to sleep with his slave… expected, even! Even Romulus has. What Roman hasn’t? Except for you, apparently…”

Germanicus finally found his voice. “Have you?”

“Once or twice… though I must say I prefer women. Prettier.” He smirked. “They’re also softer. Young men are rarely pretty enough. Though you’re slave is rather cute. I’m surprised that you haven’t-“

“Sh-shut up!” Germanicus sputtered. His face felt hotter than the sun. Why was his brother doing this to him? He knew that Gaius could be a brute but this was ridiculous.

“Come on, don’t try to tell me that it doesn’t appeal to you. Honestly, Germanicus, I don’t know why you pretend to be above sex. I know you aren’t.”

“Brother, if you do not shut up right now I swear I am going to hit you.”

“What? I know about all those dirty manuscripts you used to look at back when-“

Gaius was interrupted by Germanicus’ fist making contact with his jaw. Grunting in pain, Gaius retaliated, launching himself at his younger brother. The two men fell to the floor, yelling at and hitting each other. The two men were too busy attempting to grapple each other to the floor to notice that their struggle was being observed.

“Dominus?”

Both men on the floor looked up. Germanicus had a handful of his older brother’s hair while Gaius had the younger in a headlock. They looked more like a couple of schoolboys than a pair of grown men. When they saw the auburn-haired slave staring at them in disbelief, they scrambled to their feet.

“Ah, Feli,” Germanicus said in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice. “You’re back. Did you finish all the errands I asked you to do?”

“Yes Dominus.” Feli’s eyes filled with curiosity and concern. “Ve… is everything all right? Are you hurt, Dominus?”

“Uh, no, we’re both fine.” Germanicus glanced over at his brother, who looked just as sheepish as he felt. “Just, um…Why don’t you go and bring us both some wine?”

As soon as his slave nodded and scurried off, Germanicus turned to his brother. “Well,” he sighed, attempting to fix his mussed hair. “Hopefully he won’t ask anymore questions about that. His attention span is mercifully short.”

“Good.” Gaius nodded in agreement.

“I’m… sorry for punching you.”

“You should be! Hitting your awesome elder brother… For shame.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You started it.”

“I was merely making you aware of your sexual shortcomings.”

“Bastard.”

Feli returned with the requested wine a few moments later, his face creased in concentration as he did his best not to spill any. Despite his best efforts, wine managed to slosh over the sides of the cups. Neither of the two Romans commented on this; they were all too happy to imbibe in silence. Germanicus, because he did not want to explain to Feli why he had been grappling with his brother on the floor, and Gaius, because he wanted to drink without interruption. 

All the while, Germanicus could not stop thinking about the embarrassing things that his brother had mentioned. Why would Gaius even entertain such thoughts? His brother had clearly turned into a lecherous pervert. Germanicus blamed Gallus. Clearly he had everything to do with his elder brother’s moral deterioration. All those years in close proximity… He could only begin to guess as to the extent of the damage.

Germanicus chanced a glance over at his slave, who seemed to be staring vacantly into space. He was such an innocent, good-natured young man. Germanicus could not bear the thought of sullying him with the lewd acts that Gaius had suggested, nor could he risk making Feli hate him. Germanicus did not want his slave to resent him. 

The blond man took a moment to ponder the sheer hypocrisy of the Roman logic behind such things. Apparently it was all right to engage in sexual relations with other men, as long as the receptive partners were not adult Roman citizens. Germanicus had always considered the idea of being the receptive partner repugnant, and he could not imagine any one else to think differently, although some people apparently enjoyed-

“Germanicus? Hey, Brother, are you still with us?” Gaius was snapping his fingers in Germanicus’ face, bringing the younger man back to reality. Germanicus frowned and shoved his brother’s hand away. “What are you thinking about that’s so consuming?”

“I was thinking about all the preparations that still need to be done before Saturnalia,” Germanicus lied, not wishing to divulge his real thoughts.

Gaius scoffed. “Saturnalia isn’t for another few weeks! Relax.” He looked up at Feli, who was standing nearby, waiting for more instructions. “Has my brother explained Saturnalia to you?” Gaius asked.

Feli nodded. “Yes, Dominus told me. It sounds fun.”

“Yes, it is fun…” Gaius grinned. “Have you ever been drunk before?”

The young slave shook his head. “…no. Is it nice? Dominus always looks happier when he’s drunk.”

Gaius laughed. “Oh… it’s pretty great all right.” His grin widened, and Germanicus was sure he saw an evil glint in his brother’s eyes. Feeling it his duty to prevent the corruption of his slave, Germanicus felt it necessary to intervene.

“Would you please take these cups to the kitchen, Feli?” he asked loudly, interrupting Gaius. “I would greatly appreciate it if you made an effort not to drop them this time.”

“Yes, Dominus.” The young man flashed his master a smile before collecting the empty cups and making his way to the kitchen.

“You really are no fun,” Gaius sighed. “I was only trying to make him excited…”

“I saw that look you were getting!” Germanicus snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly the prospect of Saturnalia was not as welcome as it had been previously, and Germanicus was sure that the few weeks that remained before the holiday would pass all too quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I figured I should include something about the Roman system of telling time. The Romans had a twelve hour clock, but their "first hour" started at about 7 am. The "twelfth hour" would have been at around 6 pm. The Romans still divided their day into am and pm.
> 
> As for the rude poem that Gaius talks about, it's something by Catullus (who is awesome, by the way.) The line that Gaius quotes is the opening line of the poem, which literally means "I will sodomize and face fuck you both." 
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	6. Festum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturnalia! Lots of sexual tension, awkwardness, and failsex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you lovely readers happen to share my love of all things Roman, I would suggest you look up what a typical Roman bath house was like. They were so cool! Heated floors... and walls!

Germanicus’ supposition proved correct, and within a blink of an eye Saturnalia was upon them all. On the morning of December seventeenth, the sun illuminated a city preoccupied with celebrating the best of days. The day that marked the start of a three-day festival during which Master and Slave were equals, had begun. As soon as the priests made the necessary sacrifices and took the auspices, the merry making commenced. Shouts of “Io, Saturnalia” resounded throughout the crowded streets as happy citizens, some already drunk, frolicked about bedecked in colorful clothes.

Even Germanicus had managed to get into the spirit of things, having cast off the drab tunics and togas of ordinary days, and donning the brightly hued cenatoria. Under normal circumstances he would have been hesitant to wear the garish outfit; not only was it purple, it was far longer than a usual tunic. As far as Germanicus was concerned, the garment might as well have been women’s clothing, an idea that did not sit well with him in the slightest.

Other than Germanicus’ reservations about the cenatoria, the day had thus far been very relaxing. Germanicus had allowed himself to sleep in, and then leisurely wandered over to the baths with his brother. Per usual, Felicissimus was in attendance; normally his duty was to act as a capsarius and handle the oils, towels and changes of clothes that. In the spirit of Saturnalia, however, Germanicus agreed to relieve the slave of his duties for the day, and would entrust his bathing accoutrements with one of the bath attendants. The three men chatted gaily on their way to the baths, free from the stresses of every day life. 

“Nothing like getting naked, slicking up with oil and then sitting in a hot steamy room with other naked men, eh?” Gaius snorted as he paid the attendant at the door. “I don’t understand why mixed bathing isn’t allowed.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “We’re here to bathe, Brother, not pick up women. The baths are not an appropriate place for you to indulge in your... baser urges."

"I think that they are the perfect place! You can get as sweaty and dirty as you want, and then wash up right after."

"You're disgusting. Besides, I can’t imagine much bathing would get done if the sexes were allowed to mingle. Perverts like you would spend the whole day staring at women.”

“But it’s not as though men don’t ogle other men…” Gaius pointed out. He turned to Feli, who was listening intently. “Isn’t that right?”

The young man nodded slowly after a few moments. “Some men can be just as pretty to look at as women. Some are even prettier.”

“See?” Gaius looked over to his brother, smug. “Mixed bathing wouldn’t hurt anybody!”

“Only your ego. I can’t imagine very many women would want you to make passes at them while they’re bathing.”

“I wouldn’t be flirting! Only conversing! Although,” Gaius’s face grew pensive, “I suppose that it would be very difficult for women to resist me, naked and oiled up… perhaps I would have to find ways to defend my own honor.” He laughed when Germanicus snorted and rolled his eyes. “Oh come on,” he continued. “How can you say that you would not at all enjoy being surrounded by naked women?”

“I never said that.”

“Think about all of the tits you’d get to see!”

"Barbarian," Germanicus huffed. Truth be told, breasts had never held the same allure for him that they seemed to have for everyone else. Yes, they were pleasant to look at, even nicer to touch, but unless they were literally being dangled in front of him Germanicus never gave them a second thought. Unnecessary distractions. 

The three men had entered the bathing complex. Several other men were conversing gaily in the atrium, while others were occupying themselves with various exercises and games. They passed into the apodyterium, where they proceeded to get undressed.

Unsurprisingly, Feli was the first to get remove his clothes. He shucked his tunic with lightning speed and tossed it casually onto the floor, much to Germanicus’ exasperation. 

“There are clothing hooks,” the blonde sighed, bending over to pick up the discarded tunic. “I shouldn’t be picking up after you…” he murmured to himself as he hung it up. 

“Aren’t we supposed to be switching roles today, Dominus?” Feli smiled, his eyes wide and innocent.

“I’ve been picking up your clothes for the past few months.” Shaking his head, Germanicus disrobed and gathered up towels, oil, and strigils. He handed a towel to his slave. “Shall we?”

“You guys going to the tepidarium?” Gaius asked, wrapping a towel around his own waist. “I’ll be in there later. I’m going to the steam room to bemoan the lack of co-ed bathing.” He strode off, leaving Germanicus and Feli alone in the changing room.

“Well, then…” Germanicus kept his eyes fixed on the floor, suddenly becoming all too aware that his slave’s eyes were upon him. Not finishing his sentence, he wandered into the tepidarium, with his slave following closely. Once the two men had situated themselves on one of the benches, Germanicus procured a bottle of oil and poured some onto his hand. As he rubbed it into his skin, he handed the bottle to his slave, who accepted it gratefully.

They sat in silence, massaging their skin with oiled hand. As he rubbed his shoulders, Germanicus allowed his mind to wander. He stared blankly at the frescoes that decorated the walls as he basked in the pleasant heat that radiated from the floor and walls. He leaned back, pressing against a warm wall, and felt his muscles begin to relax. His eyes slid shut. Perhaps he really did spend too much time slouching over papers…

“Dominus?”

Germanicus cracked an eye open. “What?”

“Could you help me? With my back?”

Germanicus sighed. “All right, fine. Turn around.”

Feli complied, and Germanicus began to rub the oil into his back. “You could probably have at least reached your shoulders,” he grumbled. 

Feli sighed happily. “Ve… that feels nice. Is this the stuff that makes your skin so soft, Dominus?”

Germanicus felt himself grow hot, and he was fairly sure that it was not just due to the warmth of the room. Feli’s bluntness in some matters never failed to embarrass him. He merely grunted in response, and continued to apply the oil. He couldn’t help but notice how prominent his slave’s shoulder blades were. They looked delicate, almost avian. Without thinking, Germanicus ran a finger down the left blade, eliciting a small, almost indiscernible shudder from his slave, accompanied by a quiet gasp. Germanicus withdrew his hand quickly. “That should do it,” he murmured, averting his eyes.

“Thank you, Dominus!” Feli turned around and beamed. He quickly stood up, holding the towel in place around his waist. He grabbed one of the strigils that Germanicus had brought with him, and traipsed into the next room.

Once Feli had left, Germanicus mentally slapped himself. What was wrong with him? He was clearly being influenced by his brother’s lascivious behavior. And somehow… Gallus was also to blame. Most definitely. Gauls had a habit of spreading their negative influence. He sighed heavily. Exercise was in order. Exercise fixed everything. Everything would be right again after some calisthenics. Steeling his resolve, Germanicus moved towards the palestra, where he intended to train until all of his confusion dissipated.

***

It took several hours for everyone to be sufficiently relaxed and clean. By the time the three men returned home the household was preparing for the dinner celebrations. After he had changed into his festive garb, Germanicus joined the others in the kitchen, preparing to set the table. 

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Melicus murmured, picking up a large platter of fruit. “We supposedly switch places with our slaves and bring food to the table, but the slaves still prepare everything.”

“It’s because if any of us were to try to cook anything, the whole household would die of food poisoning,” Germanicus quipped, grabbing some plates of his own. “It wouldn’t be much of a holiday then, would it?”

“Has anybody noticed the profound shortage of women in this household?” Gaius had joined the conversation, completely oblivious to the previous topic. 

Germanicus and Melicus merely blinked and said nothing. Undaunted, the eldest of the three continued.

“I mean, between the three of us, Father, Romulus- he might as well be part of the household- and all of the slaves, there isn’t a single woman among us. It’s like being in the army. With fewer prostitutes.”

“…I don’t see how that is at all relevant to anything,” Germanicus deadpanned.

Gaius shrugged. “Just making an observation.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “I remember when we were in Hispania you wouldn’t shut up about how pleased you were that we didn’t have to deal with women all the time. Make up your mind.”

“You could always buy a female slave if you want,” Melicus chimed in.

“I am surprised that you of all people are suggesting that I spend money on… well, on anything.”

The sound of a throat being cleared made the three young men look up to see the family patriarch giving them all a stern glare. “If you could all cease your squabbling for a moment, it’s time to serve dinner. I would appreciate it if you all made an effort to not argue during the meal. It causes indigestion.” With that, he strode into the dining room, gesturing for the three young men to do likewise. They complied, and as soon as they had lain their dishes on the table and uttered a few prayers to the household gods, everybody took their places on the couches.

Germanicus settled on a couch with Melicus to his left and Feli to his right. The other household slaves were dining with them as well, and more dining couches had been brought out to accommodate them. As everybody ate they helped themselves to wine, and as the wine intake increased, so did the merry conversation.

“Well, I don’t care what you think. Livia Drusilla is an incredibly attractive older woman. If she wasn’t married to Augustus, then, well…” Romulus chuckled, waggling his eyebrows. “Don’t look down on me!” He added defensively when Gaius snorted.

“She’s pushing fifty, Romulus. A bit old to be attractive, in my opinion.”

“When you’re my age, you’ll think differently.”

“Not likely…” Gaius muttered, sipping more wine.

“Just wait and see…” Romulus sighed, refilling his cup for what must have been the sixth time. He turned to Germanicus’ father, who was sitting to his left. “Hey Lucius,” he murmured, shaking his cup at him. “Did you forget to dilute the wine? It’s much, much stronger than usual.”

“Never.” Was the curt reply. “I think you’re just getting old. “ Lucius smirked. “Maybe you’ll have to stick with water from now on, old friend.”

Romulus looked indignant. “I’m not much older than you!” He protested. “And I look younger…”

“Nonsense.”

Germanicus watched the two older men squabble for a good five minutes. Their bickering was frequent but good-natured. Despite the seemingly endless stream of insults, neither man stopped smiling once.

“Germanicus!” Melicus had leaned over to whisper in his cousin’s ear. “Do you ever think that your Father and Romulus are more than friends? I have never seen either of them show such affection to anybody else.”

Germanicus considered the notion briefly. “No,” he answered. “Even if the affection they feel for each other is more than platonic, they would never act on it.” At least he hoped not. The idea was mind scarring. “Neither would be willing to be the passive partner…” he finished, doing his best to keep the image out of his mind.

Melicus nodded. “I suppose so. It just seems odd. They’re so happy.”

“It’s the wine,” Germanicus answered quickly, desperately wishing to change the subject. “It really does seem stronger than usual...” He turned to his right, where Feli was reclining and lazily sipping wine of his own. “Enjoying yourself?”

Feli’s eyes brightened. “Yes, Dominus,” he answered quickly. “Everything is so nice! You Romans have the best holidays ever.”

Germanicus smiled. “Well, then… Io Saturnalia.”

“Hey if you think this is an awesome holiday just wait for Lupercalia!” Gaius interjected, grinning from ear to ear. “Now that is a holiday.”

Feli cocked his head. “What’s Lupercalia?”

“Well,” Gaius took a dramatic breath before continuing. “In the middle of February- have more wine, by the way. This story is too great to be wasted on a sober audience.” He waited until Feli and some of the other slaves took more wine before continuing. “Now, Lupercalia is much like any other festival. We find something to celebrate, say a few prayers, sacrifice a few goats, eat a ton of food… get incredibly drunk… the usual. But!” His smile broadened. “During this festival, young men run around the streets whipping young women with whips fashioned from goat skin. Now, only a few men do this officially… but that doesn’t stop others from following suit later…”

“You are a pervert.” Germanicus muttered at his brother, shaking his head..

“You’re one to talk! I recall you enjoying the ceremonial whipping a little too much back when we were younger.”

Germanicus blushed deeply and drank some more. He noticed his slave doing likewise, and vaguely wondered how much Feli had drunk. The young man was starting to get very giggly and flushed. Germanicus hoped that Feli would not start invading his personal space as he was wont to do. He was sure he would die of embarrassment if that should happen.

Germanicus’ fears proved unfounded, however; as the night wore on, Feli merely laughed and joked with the others. Eventually the wine made the young man sleepy, and he dozed off, his head resting on folded arms.

“It seems your slave is new to drinking this much!” Romulus joked as soon as he caught sight of the young man sleeping. It was evident that he too had consumed more than was prudent; his words were slurred and eyes unfocused. “He looks so peaceful…” he continued, a smile forming on his face. “Completely untouched by the toils of living. Do you know who he looks like?” His smile faded slightly and he shook his head. “Ah, never mind. I’m acting my age. Sentimental and batty.”

Germanicus said nothing. It wasn’t uncommon for Romulus to become melancholy after drinking far too much, and begin reminiscing about times past. There was nothing to be said. What could one say to a man in that situation?

“I think I should put him to bed,” Germanicus said after an awkward silence. “He’s starting to drool on the couches.” He shakily rose to his feet. Apparently he had consumed too much wine as well, and would probably consume much more over the next few days. Germanicus gently shook Feli’s shoulder in an attempt to wake him, but his efforts were fruitless. Sighing, Germanicus shook his slave harder, until finally the young man open his eyes.

“Oh… Dominus,” he murmured sleepily, holding back a yawn. “Do you need anything?”

Germanicus shook his head. “No, but I’m going to take you to your quarters. It’s late.” Feli nodded slowly and staggered to his feet. Germanicus grabbed the young man’s shoulders to steady him. He looked up at everyone who was still reclining. “I think I might go to sleep myself after I put him to bed,” he announced. “I will see you all tomorrow. Io Saturnalia!”

“Oh, don’t go to bed yet!” Gaius insisted. “It’s not even all that late!”

“It’s past the sixth hour.”

“It’s not like you have to wake up early tomorrow.” Gaius rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Brother, when did you become so humorless and dull?”

“Wanting to sleep at this hour is not dull…” Germanicus huffed. He turned and helped Feli to stumble out of the dining room. “M’sorry, Dominus,” Feli slurred as they approached the slave’s quarters. “You don’t… have to walk with me…” As he spoke he stumbled forward, and Germanicus had to grab him more tightly to keep him from falling.

“I think I do, considering that you seem to be unable to walk by yourself.”

“I’m just tired…”

“I’m sure you are.” Germanicus decided that it would not be wise to leave Feli alone. Thinking no more on the matter, Germanicus led him past the slave quarters and to his own room. He figured that Feli had spent enough nights in his room already that it wasn’t immodest of him. Germanicus wanted to keep an eye on him. Once they had reached his room, Germanicus escorted Feli over to the bed and helped him get situated. The young man murmured something unintelligible before immediately falling asleep again.

Sighing to himself, Germanicus walked to the other side of the bed and gingerly climbed in. Once he was satisfied that Feli was asleep and that the chances of him inching closer were minimal, Germanicus closed his eyes, ready to sleep. He didn’t know whether he could handle two more days of celebration; celebrating was hard work. As he contemplated the complexities of festivals, Germanicus drifted off to sleep.

Germanicus was awakened shortly afterwards by a soft voice. Suddenly aware of being very warm he opened bleary eyes, and was unsurprised to see that Feli had snuggled up to him, his back pressed up against Germanicus’ chest. Germanicus regarded the slave groggily, wondering whether he should wake him and have him move over. He was about to gently shake Feli awake when the young man murmured something softly.

“What?” Germanicus asked before realizing that Feli was talking in his sleep. The young man shifted again, another soft noise escaping his lips. Germanicus began to feel uncomfortable. He was about to turn his back to his slave when Feli let out a loud moan and rolled his hips back.

Germanicus froze. His slave had just pressed his backside into his crotch, and to his horror, his body was responding to the contact. He scrunched his eyes closed and tried to will his blood to stop rushing to his nether regions. At the same time, he attempted to wriggle away, but that also proved difficult. Not that he couldn’t just shove Feli away and be done with it, but his alcohol induced haze it made very hard to resist moving his own hips to increase the pleasant friction. He bit his lip to suppress the moan that threatened to escape as Feli bucked his hips backward again. Evidently the young man was having an especially pleasant dream.

Feli moaned again, a loud, obscene whine that would put many whores to shame. Germanicus clenched his jaw. Despite his mind’s protestation, he rested a hand on Feli’s hip, guiding the backwards thrusts. The realization of what he was doing suddenly flooded into Germanicus’ mind, and a sense of guilt began to nag at him. Perhaps he _was_ the pervert that Gaius has oft accused him of being.

It took every ounce of willpower Germanicus possessed to roll over and put an end to the contact. He clenched his jaw as he fought the temptation to relieve the rather prominent problem that had arisen. Normally he would have done so quickly and without a second thought, but he was not alone in his room. Despite the lewd noises that Feli was still continuing to make, Germanicus still felt as though it would be improper. With great difficulty, Germanicus managed to fall back asleep, ignoring Feli’s moans and the throbbing between his legs.

***

When Germanicus woke up the next morning and found that Feli had somehow managed to snuggle so close that he was practically on top of him, he wondered whether the young man was doing it on purpose. What his motive could be, Germanicus did not know, but he suspected that Feli derived some sort of satisfaction from making him feel uncomfortable. Sitting up with a groan, Germanicus unceremoniously rolled the young man away from him.

Feli cracked open a sleepy eye and smiled. “Good morning, Dominus!” He said as he stretched in an almost feline manner. 

Germanicus huffed. “It’s not a good morning when I wake up with absolutely no space in the bed. That’s the last time I let you sleep in here after you drink so much.”

“Oh… I wondered why I was in here.” Feli’s smile turned sheepish. “I’m sorry if you’re upset, Dominus… but you can’t punish me, right?”

“I suppose not…” Germanicus grumbled, knowing full well he wouldn’t have punished Feli anyway. He rubbed his eyes and groaned, stretching in an attempt to crack his back. He stopped when he heard his slave giggling and scowled. “What?”

“You looked funny!” When he stopped giggling, Feli sighed and cocked his head. “I like your hair in the morning, Dominus. You should keep it like that.”

Germanicus sputtered, face growing red at his slave’s audacity. “I will not keep it like this,” he huffed, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. 

“But you should…” Feli shrugged. “Oh well, I think you always look nice, Dominus! So, what’s going on today?”

Germanicus chose to ignore the compliment. “Well, it’s the second day of Saturnalia, so… usually more drinking and gambling, if memory serves me.” He arched a blonde eyebrow. “Aren’t you hungover from last night? You had quite a bit to drink.”

To his astonishment, Feli shook his head. “No,” he replied cheerfully. “I feel fine. It was fun. I’m looking forward to doing it again.”

“… I see.” Germanicus wasn’t particularly excited about dealing with his drunken slave again. Mostly because of the awkwardness that would surely ensue. Part of him entertained the hope that both he and his slave would drink responsibly, then go to their own rooms at the end of the evening, with no clinging touches or suggestive grinding. The other part of him hoped otherwise.

*** 

“Come on, stand up and walk properly!”

“Dominus, you’re swaying too much.”

“No, that’s you!”

Despite Germanicus’ intentions of keeping his imbibing to a minimum, the jovial atmosphere that evening had gotten the better of him. As a result, once dinner and the evening entertainment had drawn to a close, he rose on shaky legs and attempted to stumble off to his room. Feli, however, would have none of it, and had insisted that he help his master to his room. Germanicus refused to hear of such a thing, and informed his slave that he was the one who was far too inebriated. And so the two men staggered down the hall, each believing that he was escort to the other.

“You’re dragging your feet!”

“No, I’m not. You keep leaning on me.”

With a thud the two men collapsed onto Germanicus’ bed.

“Get off of me!”

“Dominus, let me help you!”

Germanicus groaned. “I’m fine, really. You may go to your room, if you want.”

“No, I think I should stay, Dominus. In case you need anything.” Feli punctuated his statement with a determined nod. “It would be very bad of me if I was somewhere I couldn’t hear you. What if you need something important?” Infallible logic.

“I’ll be fine…” Germanicus trailed off as he slid under the blanket. He sighed, knowing that resistance was futile. “Just stay on your side of the bed.”

Feli happily said that he would, and burrowed under the covers. They lay in silence. Germanicus closed his eyes, hoping to that sleep would come to him quickly. Instead of drifting off, however, he felt Feli snuggle up next to him. Determined to not have a repeat of the previous night, Germanicus immediately addressed the problem. He rolled over to face his slave. “Did you need something?”

“No.” Feli smiled weakly. “I’m just… cold. And you’re so warm, Dominus!”

“… ah.” Germanicus couldn’t think of anything to say, so he fell silent, content to listen to Feli’s even breathing. He had to admit that it was quite pleasant just lying there with his young slave, and that the thought of providing Feli with warmth and comfort was strangely satisfying. He shifted slightly, nonchalantly slinging an arm around Feli’s narrow waist. He closed his eyes again…

“Dominus?” Feli’s voice was faint, a whisper in the dark.

“Yes?” Germanicus murmured back.

“Could you…?” Feli pressed himself closer, backside making sweet, welcome contact with Germanicus’ crotch once more.

“W-what?” 

A roll of the hips was the only response given; it was all that was needed. Germanicus felt something inside of him snap, and, throwing all caution and self-restraint to the wind he flipped Feli onto his back. The young man stared up at his blonde master with incredulous eyes, and for a split second Germanicus contemplated abandoning ship and retreating from the situation entirely, but when Feli’s look of surprise morphed into one of contentment, Germanicus leaned down to press a drunken kiss to his mouth.

Feli eagerly returned the kiss. It was sloppy, rough and wet. Feli moaned and wrapped his arms around Germanicus’ neck to tangle long fingers in golden hair. Germanicus growled in appreciation and began to assault the hollow of Feli’s neck. 

“Mmm… more,” Feli murmured, spreading his legs and allowing the larger man to settle between them. Once he had settled in between his slave’s thighs, Germanicus began to grind up against him, losing himself in the hot, rough friction. He felt Feli’s hands clawing down his back, eventually reaching his buttocks and squeezing. 

Germanicus groaned and snapped his hips forward. Heat was pooling in his groin, and he longed to relieve the slowly building ache. His head was spinning; partially due to alcohol, and partially due to the overwhelming lust that overrode any reason or self control. Drawing back for a moment, Germanicus looked with alcohol-fogged eyes at the young man below him. Feli’s head was thrown back, eyes closed, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. His unshed tunic was drenched with sweat, and Germanicus longed to tear it off of him. Suddenly, Feli opened his eyes and fixed him with a molten amber gaze, still panting, lips parted. “Dominus,” he whispered breathily. Germanicus decided right then that he rather liked being called that in the given situation. “Dominus,” another gasp. “Please! Ngh!”

Germanicus knew what Feli was asking of him, and he desperately wanted it. He wanted nothing more than to throw the young man’s legs over his shoulders and take him roughly and quickly. As he made to do just that, Germanicus paused. He had never done… this… with another man before. He’d heard enough about it to discern the basics, but he hadn’t planned sufficiently; he had not thought out any of the technicalities… Germanicus had never under any circumstances gone into any situation without ample planning. If he were to proceed, it would be akin to going into battle without having a valid stratagem. His head was spinning, his movements were ungainly, and the alcohol coursing through his veins was making it increasingly difficult to accomplish anything.

He clenched his jaw, feeling himself grow hot with embarrassment. “I-I,” he stuttered, locking eyes with Feli, who also looked as though alcohol was getting the best of him. “I can’t right now,” he finished with a sigh, rolling over and flopping onto the bed. He bit his lip, doggedly avoiding what must have been a very disappointed stare. “We shouldn’t. I’m- we’re both far too, um, inebriated to, um, go about this properly, and-“ He paused and glanced over, and saw to his very great surprise that his slave had suddenly fallen into a drunken sleep. Typical. Despite himself, Germanicus smiled softly. As he closed his eyes an allowed sleep to overtake him, Germanicus briefly wondered whether either of them would remember anything when they woke up. 

*** 

Germanicus’ mouth was dry and his head was throbbing when the morning sunlight demanded that he wake. He scrunched his eyes shut and groaned, silently pleading for the sun to go away. The light shone on relentlessly, alas for him, and with a second louder groan, he rose. Almost immediately Germanicus caught sight of Feli, who was sprawled on the bed and still blissfully asleep. Germanicus furrowed his brow as he watched the slumbering young man. How anybody could sleep so soundly while the sunlight was flooding the room was beyond him. The pale yellow light illuminated Feli’s face, and passed through his auburn hair, giving it an almost coppery color. Germanicus wanted to touch it; it looked so fluffy and soft.

Germanicus sat down on the bed, temporarily distracted from his headache. He slowly reached out and tentatively ran his fingers through Feli’s hair. It was just as soft as it looked. The young man stirred and cooed sleepily. At that moment Germanicus remembered the previous night and recoiled. What if Feli hated him for their drunken folly? Perhaps he wouldn’t remember. Germanicus rose, biting his lip, thankful that he had put a stop to things before they had progressed too far. Feli certainly would have hated him then, or feared him. If he didn’t already. Germanicus felt panic rising in his throat. As he left the room preparing to wash up, Germanicus decided that it would be best to try to avoid contact with his young slave as much as possible. 

***

The third and final day of Saturnalia was traditionally by far the most filled with celebration. There would be a large dinner, lavish entertainment, gift giving, and naturally an absurd amount of drinking. Germanicus vowed to himself that he would not consume nearly as much as he had the night before. He did not want to risk allowing himself to give in to his baser urges while in a drunken stupor. After all, someone had to be responsible in such situations. Feli would surely thank him later. Swallowing thickly, Germanicus quickly backed out of the bedroom, only to collide with his brother in the hallway.

“W-what are you doing here?” Germanicus sputtered, his face turning bright red. 

Gaius raised an eyebrow at the younger man’s flustered demeanor. “Can’t a man roam the hallways of his own home? What’s gotten into you, Brother? Are you ill?”

Germanicus shook his head. “No,” he replied, rubbing his eyes. “I just have a headache. Too much wine last night.”

His brother laughed. “Don’t tell me that my temperate little brother overindulged? For shame. I don’t suppose you’re going to indulge again tonight? It might be a record for you!” His smile broadened. “I also have it on good authority that Father has arranged for some good entertainment tonight. Apparently he wants Saturnalia to go out with a bang.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Well, I know that he’s arranged for an actor to give a recitation of various Ovid passages- boring, I know. Some Lyric Poetry as well, though I can’t imagine why. How’s your Greek, by the way?”

Germanicus shrugged. “Rusty at best. I can read it all right, but I don’t have any faith in my listening abilities.”

“Oh good, then we can both be bored to tears. But that doesn’t matter- it’s what comes next that matters! Father has arranged for dancing girls to perform. Isn’t that great? The first pretty women to set foot in this house since… well… since a very long time.”

“Ah. It would seem that Father has spared no expense.”

“Indeed he has not!” Gaius’ smile slowly faded. “It’s odd to think that this is our first holiday at home in over a decade, isn’t it?”

“War does not stop for holidays, even Saturnalia.” 

“I suppose not.” His face grew pensive. “Hopefully your time in Illyricum will be short. We have many holidays yet to celebrate together.”

“If the gods are willing, I will not be away for another twelve years.”

Gaius nodded. “We can only pray.” He grinned suddenly. “Well, if you’re going to be away for a long time, you’d better have gotten me an awesome present to make up for it!”

“I thought my good will would be enough?”

“Oh shut up.” Gaius playfully punched his brother in the shoulder. “Come on, what did you get me? Candles again?”

“Those are traditional…”

"'Traditional' means 'boring,'" Gaius snorted. “You know you’re allowed to break with tradition, don’t you?”

“Perhaps I don’t want to.”

Gaius shrugged. “Whatever. Where’s that slave of yours anyway?”

Germanicus blanched. “… I expect he’s in the slave quarters sleeping off he wine he drank,” he answered quickly, hoping to change the subject. If his brother somehow discovered that Feli was currently fast asleep in his bed, then he would never hear the end of it.

“Oh. Well I guess it’s a bit early for him to be up, though I have to say the he follows you around so often it’s strange not to see him tagging along.”

“He isn’t with me all that often!” Germanicus snapped.

Gaius shot his brother a questioning look. “Why are you so touchy today? I was only making an observation.”

“Ah, well…” Germanicus rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “I suppose it's the hangover. My temper is shorter than usual. I apologize.”

Snorting, Gaius waved his hand dismissively. “It’s fine. I’m used to your temper, Brother. It flares up whenever something doesn’t happen precisely according to your-“ He trailed off, a smirk spreading across his pale features. Germanicus turned around to see Feli standing in the doorway, looking very disheveled and drowsy.

“Well…” Gaius snickered. “No idea where he is, eh? Tell me, Brother, were you really so drunk last night to forget that he was in your bed?”

Germanicus looked at the floor, feeling his face heat up like a furnace. 

“Dominus?” Feli stepped into the hallway, smiling at Gaius once he caught sight of him. Gaius smiled back, making no effort to hide his snickers.

“… Yes?” Germanicus scrunched his eyes shut, cheeks flushed with humiliation. 

“I was just wondering whether you needed anything,” Feli continued, unabashed. “You sounded upset, so I-“

“No!” Germanicus snapped, trying his very hardest not lose his temper completely. “No,” he murmured again, calmer, when Feli’s eyes widened in shock. “I’m sorry,” he amended quickly. “I don’t need anything right now. You may go.”

Feli shot him a confused and slightly hurt look before scurrying off, presumably in search of something to eat. As soon as the slave was out of earshot, an obnoxious guffaw erupted from Gaius.

“Really, Germanicus?” he wheezed, practically doubling over with laughter. “You really thought you could hide something like that from your all-seeing brother? How long have you been doing this? Days? Weeks? Months?”

“Shut up,” Germanicus grumbled.

“I guess you won’t be sleeping with any of the dancing girls, then? Not that I care- more for me!”

Germanicus groaned. He wished he were far away on some military campaign. Illyricum, Numidia… Gods, even Britannia would be infinitely preferable to Gaius’ jeering. Come to think of it, Germanicus felt that he would at once change places with the ever-suffering Prometheus at that point. “… are you finished?” He asked with a resigned sigh.

“Not quite!” Gaius replied, cackling. “It’s not the fact that my golden haired Adonis of a brother, a seasoned soldier is sleeping with his slave… it’s the fact that you’re so embarrassed about it that makes this hilarious!” He continued to laugh for a while longer before finally quieting down.

“All right,” he gasped, wiping away a tear of laughter. “I’m done.”

“Good.” Unable to think of anything else to say, Germanicus stalked off, determined to prevent Gaius from impugning his dignity further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to break up the Saturnalia celebration into two chapters, mostly because it will take me a little while to edit the next part. Proper sexy times in the next chapter, I promise!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken sexy times and very vulgar Latin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of Latin in this (I couldn't resist) and I will add translations at the end. Enjoy!

Germanicus had spent the day intermittently exercising and sulking, whilst avoiding his young slave as much as he could. He felt as though he’d either die of embarrassment on the spot. or initiate a repeat of the night before. Or both- not in that order. Hopefully.

Up until it was time for the traditional exchange of silly and often frivolous gifts, Germanicus had managed to evade both Feli and his brother, an accomplishment that he was rather proud of. Unfortunately for Germanicus, however, the instant he joined his family in the dining room he was greeted with Gaius’ smirk and Feli’s look of hurt confusion. The accusing smirk on his brother’s face made Germanicus want to give him a few hard punches, but the looks that his slave was giving him made him feel infinitely worse. Germanicus would sooner take an arrow to his shoulder. The exchanging of gifts granted him a brief respite, and laughter and cries of delight soon filled the room. 

Germanicus freely admitted that he was not particularly adept at giving thoughtful gifts, which was why he never deviated from giving the traditional presents of Saturnalia. Neither were any of his family members; at the end of the exchange, it seemed as if everybody had ended up with a seemingly endless supply of candles and knucklebones. 

“Looks like we were all exceedingly creative and thoughtful as usual!” Gaius laughed. “I have enough candles to last me a few years…”

Amidst the gift giving wine had flowed freely, and by the time for dinner and entertainment rolled around, everybody had imbibed a considerable amount. Even Germanicus, despite his earlier determination, had succumbed and partaken in more than a few drinks.

Apart from a few squabbles between his father and Romulus, and the traditional exchange of insults between Gaius and Melicus, dinner passed uneventfully. Germanicus reclined lazily as he watched his father usher in the actor hired for the evening’s Lyrical recitation, fully intending to fall asleep during. The wine had made him drowsy, and the way the actor spoke Greek with a honeyed voice did not help. 

Germanicus let his gaze wander around the room as he listened. His Greek was no longer up to par, but he recognized the recitation to be something by Sappho. He had no idea why the actor had chosen to recite segments from Sappho of all things. It seemed very arbitrary. His blue gazed briefly rested on his father, who seemed to be listening intently, and Romulus, who was doing likewise. One of the other household slaves, an elderly man named Pallas had fallen asleep where he reclined. Gaius seemed to be engaged in an angry staring contest with Melicus. Germanicus sighed to himself, failing to understand the reasons behind their animosity. He continued to look around, his eyes finally fixing on Feli.

The young man was laying on his stomach, his head propped on his elbows. His eyes were closed. Despite this, he seemed to be paying some attention to the “entertainment” at hand. An admirable feat, seeing as how the young man knew no Greek. Germanicus watched as the slave slowly opened sleepy eyes. As if he knew he was being watched, Feli immediately turned to face Germanicus. Their gazes met.

Germanicus swallowed, finding himself unable to look away. Inwardly he berated himself for making eyes at the young man, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. Despite himself, Germanicus offered a tiny smile to his slave, who immediately returned the favor. Germanicus observed with delight as Feli’s ever-expressive eyes lit up happily. The blonde man felt a great feeling of relief sweep over him; Feli was no longer upset. Germanicus made a mental note to never do anything to merit such hurt looks from his slave ever again.

“Wonderful! Positively wonderful!”

Romulus’ exhortation jerked Germanicus back to reality. The recitation was apparently over; Romulus had drunkenly risen from his couch to sling a tanned arm around the actor, who looked confused. “Terrific job,” Romulus continued. “Brilliant. Never have I heard Sappho delivered with such passion! Amazing stuff, her poetry…”

“Come now, Romulus, stop traumatizing our entertainment! You can heap praise upon him when you’re sober…” Germanicus’ father grumbled at his friend before addressing Pyrrhus. “Thank you, for a wonderful rendition.”

Pyrrhus bowed. “I am always happy to perform my art for others. Io Saturnalia.”

“Indeed.”

“Are the dancing girls coming yet?” Gaius demanded impatiently. “Come on, Father, we’ve all waited long enough for some real entertainment!”

Lucius sighed. “Very well.” He gestured for Pyrrhus to take his leave, and for the next round of entertainment to begin. A group of seven young women, each clad in scanty shimmery garments entered the room.

“I think this is rather vulgar,” Germanicus heard Melicus whisper next to him. “Only an unrefined oaf would find enjoyment in this…” Germanicus sighed, knowing who was meant to be the object of Melicus’ judgment. He did not offer a reply; it was best not to get involved.

The girls had begun to spin and gyrate wildly, their necklaces and bangles jingling with each movement. Germanicus supposed that it could be mesmerizing for some men. He, however, was not particularly interested, and contented himself by making friends with the wine pitcher.

The entertainment lasted for a while longer. The girls danced with copious enthusiasm, which was greatly appreciated by most of the audience. Germanicus noted with a twinge of annoyance that Feli was watching with rapt attention, his eyes wide and bewildered. Germanicus had a sneaking suspicion that the young man was mostly interested in the glittering jewelry that adorned the dancers.

After what seemed like ages, the dancing ended and the girls left the room. With a yawn, Germanicus’ father stood, raising a hand to get everyone’s attention.

“Friends,” he began, smiling at everyone in the room. “The best of days has ended, and the natural order of things will resume in the morning. We have all eaten well, drank well- especially that. I must say that it has been an honor to share a meal with you all: family, friends, and slaves. You are all friends. Yes. And now,” he made motions to leave, “it is time for me to go to bed. Io Saturnalia!”

“Io Saturnalia,” was the murmured reply. Everyone else in the room slowly roused themselves, following the Pater Familias’ example. Stifling a groan, Germanicus stood. Reclining for so long had left him feeling stiff, and his left foot had fallen asleep. Yawning, Germanicus waved casually at the other diners, and slowly made his way to his bedroom, where he immediately changed into a less formal tunic. Once again, he had drunk far too much. He was about to climb into bed and succumb to sleep when he heard a feeble knock on the door. Sighing in frustration, Germanicus walked over and pulled the door open, ready to fix whoever stood outside with his most perturbed scowl. It was late, and he had clearly expressed his desire to go to bed.

His grimace was replaced with a look of surprise when he found Feli standing outside of his room, looking awkward. Clearing his throat, Germanicus spoke.

“What did you want?”

Fiddling with the hem of his tunic, Feli raised shy eyes to his master. “I… wanted to know whether you wanted me to get you anything before you went to bed… You left so quickly, I didn’t ask earlier, and I felt bad about it…” he trailed off, a small hopeful smile gracing his features. “Can I stay with you tonight, Dominus?” He blurted out, unabashed.

Germanicus furrowed his brow. “I don’t see how it is at all proper, I’m about to go to sleep, but I suppose-“

His sentenced was interrupted when Feli launched himself into him, his arms wrapping around Germanicus’ torso. “Dominus I was so afraid that you were angry with me! You didn’t speak to me all day, and I wondered if I’d done something wrong, but you seemed pleased with me yesterday! Please say you’re not angry, Dominus!” He fisted the fabric of Germanicus’ tunic, burying his face in his chest and whimpering.

With great difficulty Germanicus pried the young man off and held him at arm’s length. “What are you….?” He sighed, slumping his shoulders. “Never mind. I’m not angry. Stop blubbering!” 

Feli sniffed a few times before giving Germanicus a shaky smile. “I never want you to be angry with me. You’ve been so good to me, Dominus. You taught me how to read, you’re never cruel to me… You’re so kind, Dominus!”

For a few moments Germanicus didn’t respond, suddenly feeling beyond guilty for all the times he’d even so much as raised his voice at the young man, no matter how justified it had been at the time, “I’m not…” he cleared his throat. “I’m not as kind as you make me out to be,” he answered lamely, fixing his eyes on the floor. Why Feli kept asserting such things was beyond him.

Feli shook his head. “You are kind,” he insisted. His voice was so imbued with intensity that Germanicus glanced up. His eyes locked on Feli’s as he tried to come up with a reply. He needed to say something, anything. Feli moved in closer, his eyes illuminated by the oily lamplight.

Germanicus gulped, unable to avert his gaze. The room suddenly became stifling. “Um…” He swallowed again, willing himself to look away. “Perhaps we should… that is… um, it’s late, and…” His muddled sentenced was cut off when Feli closed the gap between them, pressing soft lips to Germanicus’ mouth. Germanicus froze momentarily, before shakily placing his hands on the smaller man’s hips.

The kiss deepened; Feli wrapped his arms around the taller man in an attempt to pull him closer. Germanicus gasped when he felt Feli gently bite down on his lower lip, and tightened his hold on the young man’s hips. 

Emitting a soft moan, Feli slowly rolled his hips forward, pressing them against his master’s. Germanicus uttered a low growl, his hands slinking around Feli’s hips in order to cup his backside. Slowly, he trailed one hand up Feli’s back, stopping to tangle his fingers in soft auburn hair.

“Mmm…” Feli broke the kiss, panting softly. He looked up at Germanicus hopefully. “Amabo, te… da mihi… ampliora.” 

Germanicus hesitated, unsure of himself. Wine and the spirit of the holiday had clearly emboldened the young slave. Had he been in a more sober state of mind… would he be asking such things? “Mmm… quare?” Germanicus scrutinized Feli’s amber gaze, searching for any sign of misgivings.

“Quoniam hunc volo.” A coy smile. “Praeter… non nunc possum puniri.”

Germanicus arched an eyebrow. “Nec diu,” he snorted, dipping down to administer kisses to Feli’s slender neck. The younger man responded with soft moan, and by sliding his hands under the hem of Germanicus’ tunic. 

“Volo mentulam tuam…” he breathed, moving to gently nibble at Germanicus’ earlobe.

When he felt Feli’s hand creeping up between his thighs, Germanicus inhaled sharply and roughly shoved the slave up against the wall. “Ubi didicisti illud verbum?” He forced a leg in between Feli’s thighs. “Tantum improbum…”

Feli did not respond. Instead he rubbed himself against Germanicus’s thigh, emitting a series of soft whines, all while attempting to divest himself of his tunic.

Germanicus drew back to give Feli space, helping him pull the tunic off. He watched bemusedly as Feli tossed his garments to the floor and practically jumped onto the bed. Germanicus blinked, taking in his slave’s sudden nakedness before removing his own tunic and approaching the bed. He stopped briefly to pick up Feli’s discarded tunic, folding it and setting it on a nearby desk.

Germanicus’ fastidiousness earned a giggle from Feli, who had propped himself up on his elbows. “Dominus!” he whined. “Venisne?” He flopped back down, face flushed with wine and desire. He looked so appealing that Germanicus completely ignored the fact that the man who was supposedly his underling was taking such a commanding tone. 

He smiled to himself when Feli threw his arms around him and drew him close, attacking his mouth with needy kisses. It felt nice to feel so wanted. Germanicus pulled away briefly to get a good look at the young man’s body. Lightly tanned skin covering lithe muscles, long, slender legs… As his already stiff manhood grew impossibly harder, Germanicus couldn’t recall a time when he’d been so affected by anybody. He focused his blue gaze on Feli’s face; his flushed cheeks, his lips, swollen from kisses, strands of auburn, slick with sweat, sticking to his forehead. He was beautiful; a perfect Ganymede.

His musings were interrupted when Feli growled impatiently and thrust his hips upwards, grinding their erections together. Germanicus gasped, pressing his own hips downwards, longing for more of the friction. He was getting ready to lose himself in the slick sensations when Feli wrapped his legs around Germanicus’ waist and hoarsely whispered into his ear.

“Me pedica.” 

Germanicus swallowed thickly, wondering whether he’d heard correctly. 

Surely Feli wouldn’t be so forward. He hadn’t completely thought past the point of foreplay. Sensing Germanicus’ hesitation, Feli frowned.

“What is it, Dominus?” He asked, his lustful tone all but gone.

Blushing, Germanicus averted his eyes, suddenly feeling intensely shy. “Y-you want to do… this?” He mumbled, cheeks reddening. 

Feli nodded enthusiastically. “Don’t you?” He cocked his head to the side, eyes wide, awaiting a response.

After a moment’s hesitation Germanicus nodded shakily.

“Great!” Feli beamed before initiating the attack. Springing forward, he began to kiss Germanicus’ chest fervently, causing the blonde man to lay back down on the bed. The young man continued to kiss down his master’s chest; past the sternum, the stomach… After pressing a few warm kisses to the insides of pale thighs, he wrapped long fingers around Germanicus’ hardened length.

Germanicus arched off of the bed, panting. He propped himself up on his elbows so that he could get a better view, and immediately made eye contact with Feli, whose lips had curved into the filthiest pout that Germanicus had ever seen. He moaned as Feli dipped down to give Germanicus’ member an obscene lick. Germanicus threw his head back, gritting his teeth, hips bucking up involuntarily. It took all of his willpower not to release right then and there.

As Feli continued his ministrations, Germanicus fought back the urge to bark out orders, to demand that his slave suck harder, faster. Clenching his jaw, he exhaled harshly and buried his fingers into Feli’s auburn hair. Just when Germanicus was sure that he could last no longer, the pleasant sensations ceased. Still panting, Germanicus gazed at Feli with half lidded eyes as the young man straddled his hips.

At that point Germanicus had to admit something horrific to himself: he hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he should do next. He’d known what had to eventually happen, of course, and that various… preparations had to be made, but how did he initiate such a thing? Despite, the situation, it still seemed incredibly forward, and-

A searing kiss interrupted his train of thought. Germanicus’ eyes shot open, and he stared in bewilderment as Feli drew back to position himself on his hands and knees. The young man looked back over his shoulder at Germanicus and wiggled his hips suggestively. Germanicus dearly wished to grab those hips and guide them back against his, but instead he faltered. 

“Um…” he muttered, suddenly feeling very self conscious again. “Don’t we… hm…” Luckily for him Feli chose that moment to become very perceptive. Smiling warmly, he sat up, and gently grasped Germanicus’ wrist, guiding his hand to his mouth. Germanicus’ eyes widened as Feli began to slightly suck his fingers. It sent tingles up Germanicus’ arms to his spine. He closed his eyes and let out a low moan as Feli’s skillful tongue lathed his fingers, and for the first time began to wonder how many times the young man had done this before.

It was all too much. Hissing, Germanicus suddenly withdrew his hand, fixed Feli with a hard stare and growled. “Te torque.” 

His slave complied, assuming his original position on his hands and knees. “Mmm… Dominus!” He whimpered. “Adcelera!”

Germanicus wasted no time. Making sure his fingers were sufficiently slick, he proceeded to prepare Feli. Slowly, carefully, he inserted his fingers, gently stretching, secretly grateful that he had bothered to eavesdrop on all of Gallus’ filthier conversations. He would have been at a complete loss otherwise. After what seemed an eternity Germanicus deemed Feli to be sufficiently prepared. He withdrew his fingers, earning a frustrated whine from Feli, who turned to give him a questioning look.

Their eyes locked momentarily before Germanicus spat into the palm of his hand and coated his aching member with saliva. Breathing heavily, he positioned himself at Feli’s entrance, with a hand on the young man’s hips for leverage. “Esne paratus?” he breathed, quivering with anticipation and desire. When Feli answered in the affirmative, Germanicus nodded and slowly eased his way inside.

He let out a low moan once he was fully sheathed; it had been far, far too long since he’d properly bedded anybody. Exhaling shakily, he closed his eyes, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the impossibly tight warmth that engulfed him. Not wishing to cause his partner any discomfort, Germanicus remained motionless, all the while attempting to maintain some semblance of self-control.

It wasn’t until Feli wiggled his hips and impatiently demanded that Germanicus move that he began to rock his hips. The first few thrusts were slow; Germanicus tentatively experimented with a few different angles. He’d heard that men had a spot deep within them that caused great pleasure when struck. Perhaps that was only Gallus being perverted, but it didn’t hurt to try-

“Aaah!” Feli gasped and arched upwards, panting. Apparently Gallus hadn’t been lying. Intrigued, Germanicus pulled his hips back and slammed back in. Feli cried out and asked for more. Confident, Germanicus complied and began to steadily assault the same spot over and over.

Germanicus reveled in the passionate cries that escaped his partner’s lips; each time he snapped his hips forward elicited a breathy moan from Feli, each one lovelier than the last. Germanicus threw his head back and quickened the pace, fingers digging into Feli’s thighs, his eyes tightly closed. 

After a particularly loud cry from Feli, Germanicus opened his eyes and looked back down at him. Prominent shoulder blades shone with exertion as tiny beads of sweat formed and slid down the gather at the spine. Without thinking, Germanicus leant forward to run his tongue down Feli’s back. The young man tasted of sweat: salty, musky and maddeningly addictive. Germanicus moaned appreciatively, not ceasing from his merciless pounding. 

Feli’s skin was smooth, supple, deliciously warm. Germanicus couldn’t help himself; he raised one hand into the air before sharply bringing it back down with a loud smack against his slave’s backside. He repeated the action when Feli cried out and bucked his hips, and then again. And again; after all, Feli had used such profanities earlier. And again. Germanicus loved hearing the smack. And yet again because, oh gods, Feli’s gasps were beautiful. Growling, Germanicus administered a final strike and gave the supple flesh a squeeze.

Feli’s arms gave out, and he collapsed forward onto the bed whimpering, his voice hoarse from countless pleasure-induced cries. As he panted he breathed out unintelligible phrases in his native language, Latin having long since left him.

The sound of skin on skin, slick with sweat began to crescendo as the pace became more frenzied and erratic. As he neared his release, Germanicus reached around to grasp Feli’s painfully hard erection. He pumped quickly and roughly.

“Pulchre ceves…” He gasped out, gritting his teeth and trembling as his orgasm ripped through him. Feli’s release followed soon after. With a strangled gasp he spilled over Germanicus’ hand, and collapsed onto the bed.

Germanicus lay down beside Feli, vaguely aware that he was a sweaty sticky mess. He acknowledged to himself that in the morning he would be incredibly uncomfortable, but at that moment he was too exhausted to do anything about it. 

Smiling, Feli slung an arm over Germanicus’ chest. He pulled himself close and kissed the blonde man’s temple, whispering foreign words in his ear.

Chuckling to himself, blissful from his recent release, Germanicus glanced over at his slave. “Latina ecfututa?” He asked, breaking into an unabashed grin. Sometimes even he found profanity to be amusing.

Feli looked at him quizzically before yawning. “I think you should smile like that more, Dominus,” he murmured sleepily in broken Latin before snuggling impossibly close and falling into a deep slumber.

Germanicus remained awake for a short while, idly stroking Feli’s hair and back. As his mind cleared, bliss was soon replaced with confusion and melancholy. If he were to maintain any sort of dignity, he would have to ensure that this behavior was kept to a minimum. It would not do for someone of his standing to wallow in debauchery. And what of Feli? It would certainly be wrong of him to assume that Feli would even want to continue such activities. Surely he’d only participated because of his overindulgence in drinking. Germanicus had no desire to make his slave unwillingly submit to such an indignity. He did not wish to dwell on the possible repercussions of what had occurred for the time being. Resigned to the fact that there was nothing to be done, Germanicus soon drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latin Translations:  
> Amabo te da mihi ampliora- please give me more  
> quare- why  
> Quoniam hunc volo- because I want this.  
> Praeter non nunc possum puniri- besides, I am not able to be punished now.  
> Nec diu- not for long  
> Volo mentulam tuam- I want your cock  
> Ubi didicisti illud verbum? Tantum improbum- where did you learn that word? So rude.  
> Venisne? - are you coming?  
> Me pedica- fuck me  
> Te torque- bend over  
> Adcelera- hurry up  
> Esne paratus?- are you ready?  
> Pulchre ceves- you move (in a sexual fashion) so prettily  
> Latina ecfututa?- Is the Latin fucked away?


	8. In Vino Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding plans, angst, awkwardness, and some more sexy times!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned! With more Roman AU goodness.

“So which tunic should I wear to the wedding? The orange-y one or the slightly-more-red-than-orange one?” Gaius held up both articles of clothing to show his brother, who sighed in response.

“They look the same to me. Does it matter?” A month had passed since the Saturnalia festivities had drawn to a close, and life had more or less returned to normal.

“It certainly does matter!” Gaius huffed. “I‘m going to be the best looking man in the room, and I intend to dress accordingly.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “Why are you worrying about this now? The wedding isn’t for a few weeks.”

Gaius shook his head disparagingly. “You can never be too prepared, Germanicus. I thought you of all people knew that!”

“This is a pretty stupid thing to be prepared for…”

“You’re one to talk! I will not take this from the man who has been known to spend an hour arranging his hair.”

Germanicus gritted his teeth. “That was one time and it was because you smeared wet clay in it.”

“Still took an hour!”

With a frustrated groan, Germanicus changed the subject. “Isn’t Melicus’ fiancée visiting sometime next week? With her father?”

“Don’t remind me. I’m considering catching a Britannia- bound ship for the occasion.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so against the idea.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Gaius looked indignant. “If those two get married, they’re going to have children. Children, Germanicus. That means there will be more of them! Can you imagine what will befall Rome if there are several Melicuses running around?”

“Somehow I think that isn’t the real reason….”

“Sh-shut up!” Gaius scowled, his pale face turning pink. “Don’t you have anything better to do than accuse me of lying? Shouldn’t you be training somewhere?”

Germanicus shrugged. “I did all of that this morning. While you were passed out in a drunken stupor.”

Gaius ignored him. “When are you setting out, anyway? You must be itching to get back to the front.”

That certainly was true. For the past few months Germanicus had been growing increasingly frustrated with civilian life. Yes, he’d kept up with training and had attended meetings with other officers, but it was no replacement for the real thing.

“Three months,” he replied. “And you’re right. I can’t wait.”

Gaius snorted. “Obviously. You’ve been cleaning your armor every day for the past month.”

“I don’t want it to deteriorate from misuse…” Germanicus looked pointedly away. True, he always made a point to be fastidious in all things, but he would be lying if he were to say that was his only reason for the constant polishing. He had not had any intimate contact with Feli since Saturnalia, and the frustration was becoming unbearable. Things had seemingly continued as normal between the two men, save for some tense moments around bedtime. There had been several occasions when Germanicus had lain awake in bed, cursing his own morality, and a handful of times when his iron will had crumbled and he’d been forced to relieve himself with his hand.

Gaius noticed Germanicus’ distraction and smirked. “Who’s the liar now?” he snickered. When Germanicus turned a deep shade of red, he continued. “Don’t worry, I won’t pry and embarrass you further. But I will ask this: how long has it been since you’ve gotten any? You’ve been more uptight than usual.”

Germanicus’ eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Th-that’s inappropriate!” He sputtered. “And none of your business. And also, there is nothing wrong with… abstaining. Many say it’s beneficial.”

“Have you been reading Lucretius again? You know he’s full of it, right? It’s good for you. Come on, you don’t even have to go to a brothel. Just ask Feli for a favor. I bet he’d jump at the opportunity.”

“That’s enough!” Germanicus shouted, face impossibly red. “I’m not going to listen to this. I’m going.” 

“Aw come on, I was just joking. Seriously Germanicus. Nobody knows how to kill fun like you do.”

Germanicus sighed, squashing his anger. “I am perfectly capable of having a good time. You just can’t get your mind out of the gutter. At any rate, I can’t stay. I’m going to go read some of Caesar’s military campaigns to study his tactics. You can never be too prepared.”

Gaius rolled his eyes. “Always working, you are. All right, fine. Are we still going out tonight?”

“Maybe.”

*** 

“Dominus!” Feli groaned, pushing the paper away. “Caesar is so boring. Can’t we read something else?” 

Germanicus furrowed his brows. “This isn’t boring,” he muttered. “Besides, the grammar is basic, and you need to master some of these basic concepts.”

“But-“

“No.”

Feli looked crestfallen., but doggedly continued. “Can’t we read something different? More stories? I keep hearing that Greek man who’s sometimes here talk about such fun sounding things!”

Germanicus sighed. “But those are all Greek stories. They’re all in Greek. We’re supposed to be learning Latin.”

“I know…” Feli sighed, pink lips pursing together in a small pout. “Why can’t Romans be less serious?”

Battling down the urge to shout and call Feli all manner of disparaging things, Germanicus was about to issue a reprimand, but raised voices from the next room interrupted him. He knew them to belong to Gaius and Melicus.

“You crass brute! Can’t you go more than a day without insulting me?”

“If you weren’t such a delicate pansy then maybe you wouldn’t feel insulted!”

Germanicus sighed. Tensions had been steadily rising between his brother and cousin for the past few weeks, and had recently reached an all time high. It seemed as if they couldn’t as much as look at each other without yelling.

“I wish they would just leave each other alone…” Germanicus grumbled, drumming his fingers against a tabletop. “They’re making it difficult to focus.” 

“Come on, why do you have to take everything so personally?” Gaius was still yelling. A door slammed. “Oh, yes, lock yourself away. That will solve everything!”

Germanicus groaned and rubbed his temples. “I’ll be right back.” With an apologetic glance at Feli he rose and exited into the hallway, looking for the source of commotion. He didn’t have to look far- Gaius was standing outside Melicus’ room with clenched fists. Evidently Melicus was ignoring him.

“Fine! Be a coward. I don’t care.” A moment of silence. “Pathice!” Gaius’s fist connected with the wall. As he turned to leave he caught sight of Germanicus.

“Oh, you’re here.”

“What’s all the commotion?” Germanicus frowned. His brother looked extremely upset.

“Nothing… it’s nothing.” Gaius nervously ran a hand through his hair. “It’s over with.”

“I see… Well, keep it down, will you? You’ll upset the whole household.”

Gaius looked at the floor. “Yeah, yeah. Okay.” He strode off.

Slightly concerned by his brother’s failure to offer any snarky retorts, Germanicus considered going after him, but quickly thought better of it. It would be an exercise in futility. Getting Gaius to speak candidly about anything remotely emotional was Sisyphean. Still worried, Germanicus returned to where Feli was waiting for him.

“Why are they fighting so much?” Feli asked when Germanicus flopped back into his seat. “Do they hate each other?”

“I don’t know.” Germanicus sighed. “I don’t think so. Gaius is just jealous because Melicus is getting married. Not sure why.”

“Oh.” Feli fell silent for a moment as if deep in thought. Finally he spoke again. “Why aren’t you married, Dominus?”

Germanicus blinked, caught off guard. “Well… I’m not allowed to while I’m in the army. “

“Why not?” 

“Where would a soldier find the time to be married? We’re always away, and it would be wrong to bring a family to the front.”

“But you aren’t away now!”

“No.” Germanicus looked down and cleared his throat. “But I won’t be here for much longer.”

“Oh…” Feli looked sad. “But wouldn’t you like to have a family?” He asked again. “Where I come from, everybody wanted to get married and have a family. Everyone got married very young.”

“I… I see.” Germanicus bit his lip as a potentially disturbing thought occurred to him. “Feli,” he asked, eyes fixed on the floor. “Were you married? Did you have a family? Before…” he trailed off. To his surprise Feli smiled and shook his head.

“No,” he answered. “I tried, but none of the girls said yes, even though I kept asking for years. ”

Germanicus suppressed a smile, thinking back on his slave’s previous fruitless attempts to make romantic passes at women. “Why do you think that is?” 

Feli shrugged. “There were many men in my village, much stronger and braver than I am. Like you, Dominus!” He beamed. Germanicus blushed and mumbled incoherently.

“And I think that if I were to go back,” Feli continued thoughtfully. “The women would probably go for younger men.”

Germanicus looked up. “Younger? How old are you?”

“Ve…” Feli blinked, appearing to count on his fingers. “I have seen almost twenty-nine summers, Dominus.”

Twenty-nine? Feli was twenty-nine? Germanicus was flabbergasted. Feli didn’t look a day over twenty. And he acted like it as well. “You don’t look twenty-nine,” he mumbled, feeling a tiny bit jealous. He was pushing thirty himself, and he definitely looked his age.

Feli shrugged. “I haven’t done much to make me look older,” he murmured.

Germanicus narrowed his eyes. That much was certainly true. Feli spent more hours sleeping than awake, “Well,” he said after a few moments reflection. “I think we should get back to Caesar. My brother has quieted down enough to concentrate.”

“But Dominus it’s so boring! Can’t we do something else?”

Germanicus looked at him. Feli was giving him a slightly suggested look. He blushed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He had to do something to diffuse the situation. 

“… Would you rather read some Terence?”

Feli sighed. “Caesar is fine, Dominus. I just like being with you.”

Pleased that he had avoided a potentially uncomfortable situation. Germanicus picked a place to start reading.

***  
It had been ages since Germanicus had had to translate any Greek. The last time he'd had to read any major work was when he was still a schoolboy. That did not deter him, however. Since Feli had expressed boredom with Roman authors a few days before, Germanicus had scoured libraries for something that would hold Feli’s attention while not being grammatically impossible, and had come up empty handed. There was nothing else for it. He knew what had to be done. After pondering over what his slave would possibly like to read, Germanicus had finally selected the Odyssey. It was an interesting story full of adventure, action, love, and pretty metaphors. The fact that the Greek wasn’t terribly difficult didn’t hurt, either. He wasn’t sure how long it would take him, but Germanicus figured if he limited himself to a handful of selections from the most interesting parts, he could finish a basic Latin translation within a few weeks. 

He hoped that Feli would like it. Germanicus wanted Feli to be happy, for his face to light up and to know that he had been the cause. He also did not want to voice such feelings. Ever. He was not a man of words.

With the intent of finishing at least three hundred lines that evening, Germanicus set to work, studying the Greek script and thinking of easy ways to render it in Latin. He had to admit that it was a nice break from reading Caesar’s campaign accounts.

*** 

“See? I told you. The woman is a complete bitch. What is this household coming to?!” They had all just dined with Melicus’ fiancée and her father. The meal had gone fairly smoothly in Germanicus’ opinion, save for Gaius’ constant scowling and moping. Just prior to the dinner the solemn presentation of the iron ring had taken place; thus finalizing the engagement. Germanicus had half expected his brother to leave in a huff.

“What are you talking about?” Germanicus fixed his brother with an incredulous stare. “She didn’t say more than ten words the whole evening. I think she was very nice and polite.”

“Hmph.” Gaius crossed his arms. “I know a foul-tempered bitch when I see one. You can tell by their eyes. Anyway, she looks like a man. “

“What are you- I thought she was rather pretty,” Germanicus sighed in exasperation. “There was absolutely nothing wrong with her. And anyway, you won’t have to see them after the wedding. Melicus purchased a house on the other side of town.”

“Well, either you’re blind or your standards are disgustingly low,” Gaius grumbled. “I just can’t believe it. How are those two getting married? They’re so…” He shook his head and sat down.

Germanicus sighed. “I think,” he began cautiously, not wanting to send his brother flying into a rage, “that you’re upset about being left here.”

Gaius fixed him with a glare. “No! I’m just… just…” He slumped over, defeated. “Fine,” he conceded, scratching the back of his neck. “But why shouldn’t I be upset? Melicus is leaving to start a family, you’re going to Illyricum, and here I am with nothing. “

“You could always get married…”

“But who would marry me?” Gaius sighed unhappily. “I was never any good at those things. You’d be much better at it. You’re much more patient…” Another sigh. “The only thing I ever was good at is fighting. And now I can’t even do that. I would give anything to be able to go back to the front. It’s the only proper place for a Roman, I think…”

“Oh don’t start up with that again,” Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You’re resourceful. You’ll be fine. And as for being married, I thought that Father was trying to set something up?”

Gaius snorted. “You mean to the sister of that merchant? That will never work.”

“Why not? Have you met her? Or are you making wild character suppositions again?”

“It’s not her it’s her brother. I met him once, years back. He’s a violent bastard. Apparently he once beat the shit out of a man who so much as looked at his sister. I shudder to think what he’d do to me if I married her.” He shuddered. “I think his grandfather was one of the Suebi. Remember what Caesar had to say about them? Violent, savage lot.”

“Caesar said that about many of the Germanic tribes…”

“She’s really young too!” Gaius insisted, ignoring Germanicus’ logic. “I think she’s maybe sixteen. Maybe. I don’t want to marry a girl half my age.”

“Why not? People do it all the time.” Germanicus shrugged. A friend of his father had married a girl young enough to be his daughter years before, and nobody had cared. “I think that you just enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being so maudlin.”

“I do not!” Gaius protested. “Also, what am I supposed to do while you’re away? What if you’re gone for years? What if you die? Illyricum is dangerous.”

“So are the streets of Rome after dark.” Germanicus sighed. It was impossible to talk to his brother when he was in one of his moods. “Brother, any one of us could die at any time for whatever reason. We can’t just dwell on the possibilities. For what it’s worth I think you should trust Father’s judgment. I doubt that he’d find some nasty shrewish woman for his eldest son to wed.”

Gaius brightened somewhat. “Yeah…” he murmured softly, scratching his head. “Yeah, you’re right. She’d probably be prettier than that goat Melicus is marrying, too!”

Germanicus just let the unwarranted insult pass. He did not wish to start yet another conflict.

“And she has money… her brother is filthy rich…” Gaius stood up and smiled. “I feel much better,” he announced. “Let’s go out. I want to drink until I can’t remember dinner.”

Wanting to keep his brother happy, Germanicus agreed.

*** 

It wasn’t until past the eighth hour that Germanicus stumbled into his bedroom, head reeling. Gaius had goaded him into a drinking competition, and, having already drunk enough to dull his inhibitions, he had agreed. After imbibing countless drinks, the two men had been forced to call it a draw before slowly heading home, neither caring about the torturous hangovers that awaited them. At that point, Germanicus’ modus operandi was to stumble into bed, quickly and discreetly relieve some pent up tension with his hand, then fall into a deep sleep. He encountered a slight hitch in this plan when he found Feli sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep.

Groaning in frustration, Germanicus shook his slave’s shoulder. Feli opened sleepy eyes and smiled up at him. “You’re back, Dominus!” He sat up, still smiling.

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“You weren’t here, Dominus, and so I got worried. I had planned on waiting up here for you, but…” He blinked sleepily. “I guess I fell asleep.”

That came as no surprise. Germanicus sighed. “Well, I’m back, and very tired, so you may go to your own room.”

“Can’t I stay with you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so!” Germanicus half-heartedly attempted to pull the man out of his bed. Alcohol had rendered him imbalanced, and Feli had somehow managed to become infinitely heavy. As a result Germanicus could only manage to shift Feli a few inches. “Get out of the bed.”

Feli was having none of it. “Please Dominus, let me stay! You haven’t let me stay with you since…” his eyes grew wistful.

“Fine,” Germanicus snapped. “I am very tired, so no more talking. And stay on your side!” He flopped into the bed, slightly put off by the lack of privacy. No matter. He was tired. He turned over on his side, staring into space, ready to sleep. The room was dark save for a few dim oil lamps flickering in the corners, and the sparse furniture cast eerily elongated shadows on the walls.

To Germanicus’ surprise he felt Feli slip his arms around his waist and draw himself close. The warmth felt nice. Germanicus did not complain. A few moments later Feli began to gently kiss him, administering small warm kisses to Germanicus’ neck and back.

Germanicus momentarily tensed, unused to be touched so intimately. Feli was undeterred, and it wasn’t long before Germanicus allowed himself to relax into his slave’s gentle touches. Feli’s lips left a warm trail of kisses along Germanicus’ neck, pausing briefly and moving to the shell of his ear. “Do you like it when I touch you, Dominus?” Long fingers rubbed soothing circles on Germanicus’ shoulders. Germanicus bit his lip and grunted in approval. 

“You’re always so tense here…” Feli admonished, breath still warm against Germanicus’ ear. It tickled. The larger man shuddered. Feli was making him feel incredibly, impossibly good. He gasped loudly when he felt Feli nip at his earlobe.

“Do you like it when I do this?” Feli asked, voice quiet and deceptively innocent as he ran his hands down Germanicus’ sides.

“Mmm.”

“What about this?” Feli’s hands had discreetly slipped under the hem of Germanicus’ tunic and were caressing his thighs.

Germanicus felt helpless. Completely and utterly helpless. He loved and hated it. Part of him wanted to sternly berate Feli and go to sleep. The rest of him just wanted to bask in Feli’s impossibly wonderful ministrations. How such a gentle, delicate man was able to render him so incapable was beyond comprehension.

Feli was kissing his neck again. Germanicus let out a humiliating moan when he felt his slave begin to touch in between his thighs. Surely the man had done this many, many times. There was no way a novice could be so adept. Germanicus’ breath hitched as Feli’s fingertips lightly brushed his rapidly hardening cock, only to groan in frustration when the contact was broken. Evidently Feli had decided to turn his tactile attention elsewhere. His hands travelled upwards to trace the contours of Germanicus’ stomach.

Germanicus inhaled sharply and twitched. He would never admit it, but it tickled. He felt Feli’s lips curve into a smile against his neck as he continued to run his finger across Germanicus’ abs. “I think Dominus is ticklish,” he murmured softly. Germanicus could hear the mirth in his voice. He had to do something about that…

“Do you?” He replied, rolling over to face Feli and fixing him with his sternest of looks. “Tell me, what gave you that idea?” 

Feli giggled. “Because when I do this,” he made to poke at Germanicus’ middle, causing the blonde man to flinch, “…you do that.”

“Stop that!” Germanicus swatted the offending hand away, only to have his defense be parried by another poke. Feli was enjoying himself too much. Refusing to further submit to such indignities, Germanicus grabbed Feli’s wrists, and in one swift movement rolled on top of him, pinning him down.

Feli squirmed, his eyes wide. Germanicus stared down at him. They stared at each other in silence for a few moments. Suddenly, the corners of Germanicus’ mouth twitched. Before Feli could ask what was going on, Germanicus poked him in the abdomen. He had hoped to keep a straight face, but when Feli flinched Germanicus couldn’t help chuckling.

“I ought to punish you for that, but I doubt it will have much of an effect on your behavior…” Germanicus sighed and made to roll off, but was prevented from doing so when Feli wrapped his newly freed arms around Germanicus’ neck and pulled him down into a kiss.

At first Germanicus was too stunned to respond, but when Feli began to gently nibble on his lower lip he began to kiss back with unparalleled fervor. All of the tension and desire that had been building steadily for the past month took over as they ground their hips together, breaths coming in short gasps. They only broke apart to remove their clothes; Germanicus had attempted to fold the tunics, but Feli had lost patience and thrown them across the room before Germanicus could accomplish the task.

Germanicus’ protestations were cut short when Feli pulled him back down and kissed him yet again. He spoke, lips still touching Germanicus’. “Do you like it when I touch you here, Dominus?” Feli asked, running his hands down Germanicus back to give his ass a tiny squeeze.

“Y-yes.” Germanicus felt his face grow hot. In an attempt to hide the blush, he dipped down to kiss Feli’s chest. He could hear Feli’s raspy breaths as he licked, nipped and sucked the tanned flesh. Emboldened by Feli’s encouraging noises, Germanicus doubled his efforts, moving to lap at his slave’s now erect nipples.

Feli gasped and arched up off of the bed. “A-ah! Dominus!” He moaned, raising a hand to his face and biting down on a finger to stifle the noise. Germanicus ceased his ministrations momentarily to look at the young man who was writhing beneath him. 

Feli noticed the pause and opened a curious eye. “Mmm, Dominus!” He purred- oh dear gods, how did he do that- “Dominus, do you think we could…?” He completed the thought with a graceful roll of his pelvis. When Germanicus did not respond immediately, Feli’s eyes grew wide and apologetic. “I-I mean, only if you want to! If you don’t want to, Dominus, then I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to, I only thought that-“

Germanicus had never had much patience for babbling, especially when pressing matters were at hand, and he at the moment he could think of no matter more urgent than the throbbing need between his legs. He silenced Feli by kissing him forcefully, while simultaneously settling in between his thighs. There was no sense in wasting time.

The smaller man immediately wrapped long slender legs around Germanicus’ waist to pull himself closer. He began to rub his crotch against Germanicus’ stomach in a desperate attempt to gain much needed friction. “Please,” he whined impatiently.

With a curt nod, Germanicus hastily coated his fingers in saliva. Once he deemed them to be sufficiently coated, he slowly and gently began to prepare Feli. As he did so, with his eyebrows knitted together in concentration, he vaguely considered whether or not saliva was a satisfactory lubricant, and whether Feli felt at all uncomfortable. He snuck a concerned glance at the smaller man, who didn’t seem to mind. Judging by the moans, he seemed to be enjoying himself. Satisfied, Germanicus continued the task at hand.

A bemused giggle broke his concentration. Confused, and slightly perturbed, Germanicus glanced up. Feli , who had lifted his head to look at Germanicus, was smiling at him,. His little gasps of pleasure had not stopped. Germanicus blushed, continuing his preparations and adding another finger. “What?”

“You look so- aah! You look so focused, Dominus.” He bucked his hips. “I want you to have fun as well.”

Germanicus nodded, unsure of what to say. He spent another minute or so making sure Feli was properly stretched- he was still dubious as to the efficacy of saliva. Without speaking, he spat into his hand and gave himself a few strokes.

Feli drew his legs up to his chest, exposing himself invitingly as Germanicus positioned himself. Germanicus had originally intended to enter slowly, desperate though he was, but Feli seemed to have other plans. As soon as Germanicus began to ease his way in, Feli thrust his hips forward, impaling himself. The sudden pressure almost caused Germanicus to come immediately, and he had to pause a moment to prevent it.

Before long the room was filled with the sound of gasps and stifled moans as the two men rutted against each other. Usually self-conscious, Germanicus had completely lost himself in the pleasurable sensations and made no effort to silence his own grunts and moans, while Feli whispered soft words of encouragement into his ear in between gasps.

It did not take long for Germanicus to finish, moaning incoherent words of endearment as spots of white flickered before his eyes. As the white hot pleasure coursed through him, a loud cry and a spattering of warm fluid against his stomach signaled that Feli had finished as well. As they came down from their mutual euphoria Feli reclined on the bed, a sleepy smile on his face. Germanicus rose to find a cloth to clean himself up with. If there was one thing he could change about sex, it would be the ensuing mess.

When Germanicus returned to the bed, Feli sat up and held out his arms invitingly. Without saying a word Germanicus climbed into bed next to him. As sleep began to take hold, Feli spoke.

“That was nice, Dominus., he cooed sleepily. “I would like it very much if we did that more often.”

Too tired and sated to offer a coherent reply, Germanicus merely grunted in response, and when Feli wrapped his arms around him and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, he did not complain. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation!
> 
> Pathice- a rude word referring specifically to the receptive partner in penetrative anal sex; basically the Latin equivalent of "faggot." 
> 
> I just have to say that I love using alcohol as an excuse to make Germanicus do out of character things. Hehehe. Hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> Also, for anyone who is curious: Gaius's potential wife is Lichtenstein, and her violent brother is Switzerland.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited wedding finally takes place, and Germanicus prepares to leave for Illyricum

“I hate weddings.” Gaius grimaced. The morning of Melicus’ wedding, a chilly day in early February, had arrived.

“When was the last time you went to a wedding?” Germanicus retorted, adjusting his toga. He hated togas. Unwieldy garments.

“Can’t remember, but everything I’ve heard about them indicates that they’re unpleasant. Besides, anything that requires a man to wake up this early has to be awful.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who insisted on drinking last night.”

“I drink every night. I’m not going to stop because some distant cousin of ours is marrying some hag.”

“Do you think you could hold off on the insults for just one day? This is their wedding day, Gaius. Stop being so rude.”

“I’m not being rude. I’m being observant.”

“Well keep your observations to yourself.”

The two men continued getting ready in silence, save for an occasional grumble about how uncomfortable togas are. Once they were fully dressed, they assembled in the atrium, preparing to head over to the bride’s father’s house for the first part of the ceremony.

“I really hope that the cena is decent,” Gaius murmured as they approached. “Though if Melicus provided funds for it, I am doubtful that it will be all that nice.”

“I’m sure our cousin spared no expense. This is his wedding after all.”

Gaius merely rolled his eyes in response and muttered something indistinguishable, though Germanicus was fairly certain that it was some sort of insult.

They arrived at the bride’s father’s house a short while later, where they joined the small assembly of guests. Melicus was already there, having arrived some time earlier to be present for the traditional augury. Ostensibly there had been no ill omens, and the wedding proceeded.

Germanicus watched as the bride, Valeria Elissa, dressed in the traditional white tunic flame colored veil, approached. She looked rather nice in his opinion, contrary to everything Gaius had been ranting and raving about. Melicus was dressed in a formal white tunic and toga. He too seemed to take issue with the itchy woolen garment; it was obvious that he was trying very hard not to fidget. The soon to be couple approached each other, hastily exchanged the customary vow, and proceeded to where the matron of honor stood. Germanicus assumed that the elderly woman was the bride’s mother, though he could not be sure. He watched as the woman joined the couple’s hands before guiding them over to a corner of the room, where a sacrificial animal had been tethered.

“This ought to be good,” Gaius whispered. “I’ll bet you ten sestercii that Melicus faints when the blood splatters onto his toga.”

A snicker threatened to escape Germanicus as he watched Melicus shakily accept a dagger from the auspex. After uttering a short prayer Melicus swiftly slit the animal’s throat. Germanicus couldn’t be sure, but he imagined that Melicus looked rather ill. Still, the young man did not faint. Germanicus had to give credit where it was due.

Shortly after the auspex procured the wedding contract, which Melicus and a number of witnesses signed. As soon as the document was sealed, the company proceeded to the wedding cena; the celebration had begun.

“I’m glad that’s over,” Gaius said loudly as he stuffed another oatcake into his mouth. “Do you think we have to stick around for the procession?”

“I would think so.”

“But that’s going to be so boring! We’re just going to walk over to Melicus’ new house, watch him struggle to lift her over the threshold and then fail to fuck her properly.”

“Not so loud!” Germanicus growled, eyes darting about the room, making sure nobody heard.

“But seriously. I’ll bet you thirty sestercii Melicus trips carrying her over the threshold.”

“Are you sure you really want to make more wagers? You already lost the first one.”

“Confident I’ll lose, eh? All right, double or nothing!”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. Rather than issue a caustic retort, he excused himself to go and congratulate his cousin. Melicus was standing on the other side of the room surrounded by various well-wishers, looking very overwhelmed. When he caught sight of Germanicus he nodded in acknowledgement.

Clearing his throat, Germanicus made his way over. “I would like to offer my congratulations, Melicus,” he murmured. He looked over to his cousin’s new wife. “And to you,” he added, lips curving into a polite smile.

“Thank you, Germanicus.” Melicus managed to assume an expression that all but masked the fact that he was incredibly nervous. “I presume you and your… brother,” his expression morphed into one of distaste, “will accompany the wedding procession?”

“But of course.” Germanicus fidgeted. Social gatherings were not his strong point. “Neither of us would dream of missing it.”

“Ah. Well. I certainly hope that you are enjoying-“

“Hey Melicus!” Melicus closed his eyes and grimaced as Gaius made his way over. “Melicus!” He grinned, slapping the dark-haired man on the back. “So. Married, huh? Never thought I’d see the day…” He glanced up at his cousin’s new wife, who was fixing him with a look that promised a slow and painful death. “Same goes for you. Best of luck. You’ll need it…”

Germanicus thought it best to sidle away and let his brother suffer the wrath he would surely incur. Gaius was treading on thin ice, making a series of rude remarks about Melicus’ general effeminate demeanor, and it came as no surprise when he received a hard slap in retaliation.

“You deserved that,” Germanicus remarked dryly when Gaius slunk back over with a scarlet welt blooming on his pale cheek. “You never know when to stop, do you?”

“Shut up.”

The rest of the wedding went smoothly. Once everyone had eaten to his hearts’ content the traditional procession to the groom’s house took place. Gaius grumbled the whole way, and occasionally cracked jokes that were more nasty than ribald. Germanicus considered himself to be above such tomfoolery and refused to do more than smile occasionally. Once they had reached Melicus’ home, the troupe of revelers momentarily paused their songs and laughter, watching with baited breath as Melicus prepared to carry his wife over the threshold of his house. This was the most decisive moment of the day; one stumble or trip would be a disastrous omen. Admittedly Germanicus half expected Melicus to trip whilst carrying his new bride over the threshold. A tiny part of him would take great satisfaction in that. He would never admit that to Gaius, however, who was currently glaring daggers at the couple. If looks could kill, then the streets would look like a slaughterhouse.

Melicus crossed the threshold without issue, and a collective sigh of relief passed through the crowd. The bride and groom smiled out at the wedding guests before disappearing inside, shutting the door behind them. 

“Bet he can’t get it up to fuck her,” Gaius grumbled. “How much?”

“No more of this,” Germanicus snapped. “I’m going to go home.” The guests had begun to sing a variety of rude songs, and Germanicus had no desire to participate.

“Oh come on, Germanicus. You can’t leave me here.”

“Nothing is keeping you here.”

“Free wine!”

Germanicus rolled his eyes and headed home. If Gaius wanted to stay and brood then that was his prerogative. When he arrived home he immediately looked to see whether Feli or any of the other slaves were about. Finding nobody, he went to his room. The household was uncharacteristically quiet, unnervingly so. It would most likely not last long, he knew. As soon as his brother returned, the halls would be filled with drunken banter. He figured that he might as well take advantage of the situation. With a soft sigh, Germanicus pulled out the translation of the Odyssey that he had been working on. It was crudely done, and certainly lacked any poetic merits whatsoever, but everything more or less made sense. At the very least, Feli would find it more entertaining than what he had been reading. Almost finished. With any luck, Germanicus would be able to give the present to his slave before he left for Illyricum.

*** 

“Tribune? Are you serious?” Gaius’ eyes widened. 

Germanicus nodded slowly. “So it would seem. I just received the notice.” It had been nearly a month since Melicus’ wedding, and Germanicus had found very little time to himself. There had been reports about increased military activity to the North, and it looked more and more likely that Germanicus would have to set off earlier than expected.

“Wow. My little brother. A tribune!” Gaius grinned. “I cannot deny that I am a little jealous, but only a tiny bit!” His grin broadened. “You’re a tribune, Germanicus! You’ll be a legatus at this rate!”

Germanicus tried and failed to suppress a smile. It had taken all his self-restraint to keep from jumping and squealing like a young girl when he had received word of his promotion. “I am very honored. I did not expect to be appointed to such a prestigious post.”

Gaius scoffed. “Any relation of mine is destined for military success. Stop being so modest.”

“You could do with a little modesty.” Germanicus snorted. “I have never met anybody as conceited as you are. You are the only person I know who can turn complimenting someone into boasting about yourself.”

“Conceited? Brother, I am not the only one who calls myself awesome. Others do as well.”

“Lies.” 

“I speak nothing but the truth.” Gaius looked positively smug. “And,” he added, growing smugger by the second, “I have even more awesome news.”

“And what is that? Did you find a brothel with a two for one deal?”

“No.” Gaius’ smile did not falter. “I’ve decided to marry that girl after all. Her brother agreed to it.”

Germanicus was silent for a moment. “Really?” He asked, unsure whether his brother was playing some joke on him. He had not heard anything on the matter since the days prior to Melicus’ wedding. Either it was some sort of joke, or Gaius had suddenly become very good at keeping secrets. “Everyone is agreed on it?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? You sound even more shocked than Melicus.”

Germanicus cocked an eyebrow. “Melicus knows? When did you tell him?”

“I didn’t. He heard it from the girl’s brother. He sent me a letter a few days ago. Said he’s sending me an engagement present.”

“Is it poisonous?” Germanicus wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

“He wouldn’t dare!” Gaius puffed out his chest. “He knows what will happen if he were to ever incur my wrath!”

Germanicus shrugged, not wishing to delve any further into the subject. “Congratulations in any case. I’m sorry that I won’t be around to celebrate.”

“Ah don’t worry. You’re a busy man. Places to go, men to order around, barbarians to subjugate. I only hope you’ll find the time to write, what with all the… Tribune stuff you’ll be doing.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good.” Gaius grew serious. “Father is going to worry about you when you leave. He’s mentioned your impending departure quite a few times over the past few days.”

“Has he?” Germanicus had been pointedly avoiding having any one on one conversation with his father for fear of an altercation regarding whether or not he should continue his military career.

Gaius nodded. “He seems to think that Illyricum is not worth conquering. Too wild and dangerous.”

“If the great commanders of Rome had dubbed anything to be too wild and dangerous there would be no Rome.”

“Fair enough.” Gaius shrugged. “So do you have any concrete idea when you’re leaving?”

“Nothing concrete, no. If I had to guess, I’d say within the month.”

“So soon!”

“Believe me, I know. I have too many affairs to put in order before I leave.”

Gaius scoffed. “Like what? Cleaning your armor for the thousandth time? Tidying the atrium after deciding that the slaves did an unsatisfactory job?”

“Yes, well- No! Don’t be an idiot.” Germanicus sighed. “I need make provisions for my slave should the worst happen.”

“Germanicus-“

“I want to be prepared! Also, there’s no telling how long I’ll be away. I want to make sure he’s taken care of.”

“You could probably bring him with you- now that you’re a tribune, I’d say that you’re allowed to bring a slave or two!”

Germanicus shook his head. “Even if it is allowed I would not take him with me. Illyricum is dangerous. I will have to be ready to prepare to fight at any time. He would be a hindrance.” ‘And run the risk of being injured,’ he added to himself. “There’s a reason the great Marius forbade soldiers to bring slaves to the front, Gaius.”

“Fine, fine, I know.” Gaius shrugged. “I don’t know what to do then. Father probably wouldn’t want him to stay here- he already disapproves of his presence as it is. He hasn’t cleaned the kitchen properly in months.”

“I know.” Germanicus groaned. Why couldn’t Feli be more useful with household chores? Everything would be so much easier. He cleared his throat and furrowed his brow, deep in thought. He spoke after a few moments of reflection. “Would you take him? I assume you’re planning on buying your own home somewhere now that you’re getting married. Could he stay with you?” He felt a nervous feeling claw at his stomach as he watched Gaius consider the matter. It seemed like an eternity before Gaius answered.

“That slave of yours is lucky to be so cute, or else he would be on the streets,” Gaius grumbled before perking up and flashing his brother a smile. “You’re also lucky that your awesome elder brother is so selfless and generous. Of course I’ll take him.”

Germanicus stifled a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it. Until you get back, of course. Then I’ll call in a favor. And you’ll have to do it, no matter what.”

“Agreed.” Germanicus paused. “Within reason,” he amended. Jove only knew what Gaius would ask for. The two brothers shook hands on the matter. Gaius perhaps looked a bit too gleeful. Germanicus arched an eyebrow in suspicion. “I’m not sure whether I want to know what you’re planning, but I’m sure it can’t be good.” Gaius was (sometimes) a decent man; surely he wouldn’t be so crass as to force himself upon Feli. Or steal away his affections for himself, Or beat him. For a moment Germanicus couldn’t decide which option was the worst.

As if reading his mind, Gaius cackled. “Nothing along the lines of what you’re thinking! I was just thinking of the many ways in which I could coerce him into disclosing all your embarrassing secrets…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Germanicus deadpanned, trying his best to suppress any guilty looks that might arise. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Gaius snorted. “He’s your slave. He probably has to witness all of your embarrassingly annoying idiosyncrasies like spending ages making the bed so that the sheets hang down equally on either side.”

“…oh. Well, I suppose if he wants to tell you that, then I suppose I, ah, can’t stop him…” Germanicus hid the evidence of the immense relief sweeping over him.

Gaius nodded. “That’s right! But don’t worry, I won’t ask him about all of the sex you guys have. I don’t want to know that.”

“What?!” Germanicus bristled, feeling his chest clench. “That is absolutely none of your business. I am appalled that you would even-“

Gaius threw his hands up. “Calm down, Brother. I wasn’t asking about it. I specifically said I wouldn’t ask Feli about it!”

“You shouldn’t even be thinking about it,” Germanicus grumbled, growing red. 

“Believe me, I’d rather not.”

“Then don’t!” Germanicus snapped, dearly wishing to change the subject. Honestly, his brother always managed to be able to steer any conversation in a lewd direction.

“Calm down. No need to get worked up.”

Germanicus gritted his teeth, barely managing to keep his rising anger in check. He had always considered himself to be a private man, and usually responded with some degree of hostility whenever anybody pried into the more intimate aspects of his life. At that moment in time he wanted nothing more than to punch his irritating brother in the face. The only thing that stayed his hand was that Gaius had graciously agreed to take Feli into his household whilst Germanicus was away.

“Well whatever the case,” Gaius continued when it looked as though his brother was not going to respond. “You need to tell him you’re leaving soon. He’ll be crushed if you don’t. For reasons I do not understand he has become very attached to you.”

Germanicus only grunted in response. To be honest, he was unsure as to why Feli was so fond of him, but had decided not to bring good things into question. Especially since he had little to no idea of when or if he would ever see the young man again. Although he would never admit it, the very notion of never seeing Feli again made his stomach knot up and clench. Germanicus figured with skewed logic that the longer he delayed informing his slave about his imminent departure, the farther away their separation would be. Thus deluded, Germanicus was secretly determined to avoid the subject at all costs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is really difficult coming up with Roman names for all of the new characters... at this point, I'm just coming up with random things, haha. Hope you all like it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took this long to update! Grad school is the worst. Enjoy!

Germanicus’ evasion tactics were soon thwarted, however, when his least favorite centurion showed up at his home a week later, looking far too cheerful. Gallus beamed at Feli as the young slave led him to the atrium, where Germanicus waited.

“Ah, Germanicus!” Gallus smiled. “It’s been ages. How are you?”

Germanicus stared back, his brow creased and his mouth set in a firm line. He noted with much disapproval that Gallus had failed to cut his hair. “I am fine,” he replied curtly. “What brings you here, Gallus? I doubt that you dropped by for a social visit.”

“As a matter of fact I came primarily to see your brother and offer him my congratulations on his upcoming marriage. That being said, I figured I’d bring you these.” He handed Germanicus some scrolls that he had seemingly procured from nowhere. “I received these recently from an acquaintance who is already stationed in Illyricum. Reports and surveys.”

Germanicus scrutinized the letters for a short while. “Swampy terrain. Some mountains. Ambushes… hm.” He glanced back up at Gallus, who had grown uncharacteristically serious. “This doesn’t look promising,” he muttered. “Has there been any more reconnaissance?”

“None that can tell us anything different.”

Germanicus sighed. “The Pannonians would be no match for us on level ground, but the terrain is going to be a massive disadvantage. I will need to learn more about their tactics.”

“You’ll have to learn them quickly, then. We will be marching out by the end of the week.”

Germanicus nodded dumbly. He had completely lost track of time. How could it be that he would be leaving in only a week? “Thank you,” he said at last. “This information is incredibly useful.”

Gallus nodded. “I figured that you would appreciate it. We can’t have the new Tribune disgracing himself with his lack of geographical knowledge now, can we?” 

Germanicus narrowed his eyes. “Thank you, Gallus,” he growled. “Now, aren’t you supposed to be looking for my brother?”

“No need, I’m here!” 

Both soldiers turned to see Gaius strutting into the room. He was carrying something, presumably a box. Germanicus couldn’t tell what it was, however, for a sheet of fabric covered it. Whatever it was, Gaius seemed very excited about it. Grinning, Gaius sauntered towards them.

“Hello Gallus!” He exclaimed jovially. “What brings you here? Are you seeking an audience with the awesome Yours Truly?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” Gallus smiled. “I have come to offer you my congratulations on your engagement, and to suggest that we go out and celebrate.”

“I am all for that.” Gaius’ already exceedingly large grin broadened. “It seems as if everyone is out to congratulate me today… first Melicus, now you, and-“

“I thought Melicus already offered you congratulations?” Germanicus interjected. “Why would he do that again?”

“Because I’m great. Also,” Gaius gestured to what he was carrying. “He gave me this.” With one swift movement, he removed the cloth, revealing a small cage with a small yellow bird within.

“When did you get that?” Germanicus asked, scrutinizing the tiny ball of fluff.

“He arrived today, an engagement present of sorts from Melicus. Look, isn’t he awesome?” The little bird had begun chirping noisily.

“How very adorable,” Gallus murmured, crouching down to get a closer look.

“I think I’m going to name him Gavis,” Gaius continued.

“What kind of a name his that?” Germanicus asked, watching the cute little bird hop around the cage.

“It’s ‘avis’ with a ‘G’ in front of it. It’s almost Gaius, but not!” Gaius puffed out his chest proudly, clearly pleased with the play on words.

“That’s silly,” Germanicus deadpanned. “You’re essentially naming him ‘bird’ with a ‘G’ in front of it.”

“It’s not silly, it’s awesome!” Gaius insisted, opening the cage. The little bird- Gavis, apparently- fluttered gout and perched on top of his owner’s head. Gaius laughed. “See? I think he approves! I’m afraid your opinion doesn’t count, Brother!”

Germanicus sighed. If Gaius was acting this silly after only a few months of civilian life, then he shuddered to think about what he would become after a few years of it. Perhaps he would just go insane. “Fine, fine,” he conceded. “It’s your bird not mine. At any rate, it was a very thoughtful gift on Melicus’ part.”

“Yeah. I’ll have to thank him later…” Gaius trailed off, completely distracted by his new bird’s antics. Gallus seemed to be enraptured as well. Germanicus thought it best to return to his room and prepare for his impending departure. He found Feli within, ostensibly straightening out bed sheets, though Germanicus suspected that the young man had been about to have a nap. Germanicus cleared his throat as he approached.

Feli ceased from fiddling with the sheets and offered his master a warm smile. “There you are, Dominus!” He chirped, bounding over and wrapping his arms around Germanicus’ waist. “Oh, you look tired, are you all right? Do you want me to bring you something?”

Germanicus opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by another string of babble.

“I could bring you some wine! Or I could make you some food. Please, sit down!”

Confused, Germanicus complied. “Feli,” he began, regarding the young man skeptically. “Why are you fussing like this? There is really no need for any of this… oh…” He trailed off when Feli began rubbing his shoulders, strong deft fingers rubbing soothing circles into stiff muscles.

“You seem so tense, Dominus,” Feli murmured. “Does this feel good?”

Germanicus hummed lowly in response.

“Dominus,” Feli continued, a note of seriousness ebbing into his voice, “is there anything wrong? You really do seem upset. Was it anything that man said?”

For a brief moment Germanicus thought about lying. He could quickly assure Feli that his perceptions were off and that nothing remotely stressful that happened. He could avoid the question and pretend that he wasn’t about to leave. Ah, but that would be ludicrous; had he not been telling anyone who would listen how dearly he longed to be back at the front? He had said so to his brother only a week or so before, and had been perpetually insisting to his father that he would continue his military career, no matter the consequences. He had spoken such defiant words to his father with unbridled tenacity, ignoring his father’s (thus far) empty threats to disinherit him. The words had come easily to Germanicus.

Then why was it that those same words withered and perished when Germanicus sought to free them from his parched throat? Under Feli’s soft gaze he stuttered, his cheeks grew hot, and his tongue became heavy and sluggish. “I, um, that is…” He paused, swallowed, and began again. “That was Gallus, one of my… colleagues. He came to bring me news. I-“ Germanicus paused again as Feli cocked his head and smiled, and words threatened to fail him once more. “I have received word that my leave from the front has come to an end. I am leaving for Illyricum within the week.” 

“Ah.” Feli nodded, seemingly unfazed. “Where’s Illyricum?” 

“North of here. Many, many miles North.” 

“How long will you be gone?” Feli was still smiling. Germanicus felt ill.

“I’m not sure. A long time. Years, probably.”

“Oh…” Feli bit his lip. “Can I go with you?”

At that moment Germanicus was overwhelmed with emotion. He wanted to capture the young man in a tight embrace, press fevered kisses to his soft skin and whisper fervent promises that they would never have to be apart. Such notions were foolish however, and instead Germanicus shook his head and uttered a firm “no.” 

“Why not?” Feli looked confused. “But Dominus, who will bring you food? Who will keep you company? Who will run errands for you? I could do those! I would do my best to do what you want and make sure to do it right!” His voice rose in pitch and volume as notes of desperation and hopefulness intertwined.

“I’m sorry. Illyricum is currently a hostile province; the conditions will be uncomfortable at best and life threatening at worst. I cannot and will not take you with me and expose you to that. Besides, it would be poor form of me to bring a slave.”

Feli’s lip trembled. “B-but Dominus,” he stammered, amber eyes beginning to well with tearful emotion. “You’re going to be in a dirty camp eating horrible army food with no flavor! Who will make sure you eat good things? Who will make sure you rest after working so hard? I know that you work hard, Dominus, and that you don’t like to rest during the day but it’s necessary for your health!” Feli paused for breath. When he spoke again he was quieter, his voice laced with despair. “What if I don’t ever see you again?”

Germanicus sighed. The last thing he wanted was for Feli to start sobbing. Desperately he tried to think of something to say, something that could offer a shred of comfort to the young man who was growing more despondent by the second. “Don’t think about that!” he ordered, voice stern. “Come now, pull yourself together. Roman men don’t cry.”

“But I’m not a Roman,” Feli sniffed. 

He had a point. “But you live in Rome. When in Rome… do as we do,” Germanicus finished lamely. “Now look. There’s no use in crying. While I am gone you will go and live with my brother. He may be a complete dunce but he’s nice enough.”

Feli nodded, remaining silent. After a period of reflection he spoke. “Won’t you miss me?” He asked, voice meek.

Germanicus floundered momentarily. How could Feli ask such a question? “I think you know the answer to that,” he answered. A pleading note crept into his voice; he did not want Feli to press the matter further. He felt hot now, uncomfortable and timid.

“Will you write?”

“Yes,” Germanicus replied quickly, thankful that he did not have to expressly articulate his feelings. “Yes of course. And you can write back if you want. I will tell Gaius to help you if you need it, and he will make sure any letters get to me.”

“…okay.” Feli seemed marginally less upset. Germanicus was not satisfied.

“Oh, before I forget, I have something for you. “ As Feli watched with curiosity Germanicus rose and strode over to a chest in the corner of the room. He opened the heavy lid and grabbed the highly abridged translation of the Odyssey that he had been working on. He handed it to Feli, who gave him a puzzled look.

“The Odyssey,” Germanicus explained, “It’s an epic poem by the Greek poet Homer. I, ah, couldn’t find a suitable translation so I, um, translated some into simple Latin for you. It’s a good read, I enjoy-“ He was interrupted by Feli flinging his arms around him in a tight embrace, the strength of which never failed to astound Germanicus.

“Dominus- you did this for me? You made this for me even though you are so busy and I am supposed to be the one doing things for you! Dominus, you are kind and generous and clever and… oh, could we read some now?”

Germanicus smiled. He couldn’t deny such a request. 

*** 

“So you’re definitely going, even though I have repeatedly expressed my displeasure?” Germanicus’ father regarded him sternly. “And now you come to me asking permission to draw out your will? You dare to display such flagrant disregard for my wishes? I have a right mind to strip you of your inheritance.”

Germanicus gritted his teeth. “Please, Father,” he insisted. “You initially asked me to leave the army when you thought that Gaius was dead. As you can see, he is very much alive and is fully intending on propagating the family line. I do not understand why you are so against my continuing in this profession. Have I not done a good enough job of it?”

“That is not the issue. Germanicus, you know you have done incredibly well, and I do not intend to stop you from pursuing this career. I am merely upset that you came to me babbling on about drafting your will as if you were expecting to die tomorrow,”

“That was not my intention. I merely want to take the necessary precautions should the worst happen-“

“The worst being that you die abroad and I am also indisposed?” The elder interjected.

Germanicus nodded. “I do not anticipate any such things happening, but I think it best to be prepared. Please. I need to ensure that Feli is freed in the event of my death.”

His father sighed. “Very well,” he conceded with a wave of his hand. “I will allow this to happen, but understand that it is because of my lenience and generosity, and not because I approve of any of this.”

“Thank you, Father.” Germanicus inclined his head respectfully. “I understand.” He hid his sigh of relief. No matter the outcome of what would follow, Feli would not be left uncared for.

*** 

The morning of Germanicus’ departure had arrived. Germanicus rose early, fully intending to leave before dawn. With a stifled yawn he glanced over at Feli, who was sleeping next to him, his thin arms wrapped tightly around Germanicus’ waist. Prying himself from the strong grasp of his slave, (even whilst sleeping Feli managed to cling like a limpet) Germanicus set about checking his bags and making sure that everything was packed and ready. He had already packed the necessities the night before, but decided that it wouldn’t hurt to double check everything. Once he saw that all of his personal effects were in order, Germanicus began to dress in his military garb. It didn’t take long-Germanicus had long since grown used to this routine. He donned the leather tunic, cuirass, and greaves quickly and efficiently. As he tied the focale around his neck, Germanicus glanced over at Feli’s slumbering form. 

A small smile played across the sleeping man’s full lips, as though he were dreaming of something pleasant. He looked so peaceful that Germanicus briefly considered letting him sleep on. The thought was fleeting, and Germanicus seized one of Feli’s shoulders and proceeded to jostle the man awake. 

“Hm- what?” Feli shot up bolt upright and looked around confusedly. When his eyes focused on Germanicus’ standing form he blinked slowly. “Oh, Dominus!” He smiled sleepily. “Good morning! I-“ he paused, brow furrowing in concentration. “What time is it?” he asked, glancing around. 

“Early. The sun has not risen yet. I am about to depart.” 

“Oh.” Feli’s face fell. “Now?”

“Soon.”

“Do you need anything?”

Germanicus thought about that. He didn’t really need Feli to do anything- he had already given instructions to another slave to ready his horse, and he had already washed and eaten. Apparently he had woken his slave up for no reason (other than the fact that getting up before noon once in a while would be beneficial to Feli- sleeping in so late all the time couldn’t be good). “Um…” Germanicus thought aloud, trying to think of some menial task for Feli to perform so as to not look foolish. “I need you to help me carry my things out to my horse.” A feeble excuse, but Feli did not seem to mind.

“Yes Dominus!” Feli leapt out of the bed, eager to please. Unfortunately he became tangled in the bed sheets, and landed on the floor in an unceremonious heap. Germanicus rolled his eyes in annoyance before offering a helping hand, which Feli gratefully accepted.

“Sorry, Dominus.” Feli looked sheepishly up at Germanicus, who stared back without a word. “Which bag should I take?” Feli continued in the wake of Germanicus’ silence. “Oh, that one.” Nodding to himself he went to pick up the smallest bag in the room, but stopped suddenly.

“What is it?” Germanicus asked, irritated. He was running behind schedule.

“Your cloak, Dominus!” Feli exclaimed, grabbing the garment that had been folded neatly on a chair. “You forgot it!”

Germanicus had not in fact, forgotten the cloak- he had merely wished to pack it away rather than wear it. He found the garment to be unwieldy and impractical, especially in the seasonal heat. He could not find it within himself to say that to Feli, who had hastened to bring the dark red cloak to him, excited to be of assistance.

“Here, let me help you with this.” Nimble fingers worked to fasten the crimson cloak around Germanicus’ shoulders. “…there.” Feli took a step back at gazed at Germanicus., who began to grow uncomfortable from the attention. “You look very handsome in your uniform, Dominus,” Feli commented, a dreamy smile on his face. “The red looks good on you… though I think blue would be nicer. It would match your eyes!”

“Whether or not my clothes match my eyes is of no interest to me,” Germanicus muttered, fixing his gaze on the floor. He glanced over at the doorway, knowing that he ought to stop stalling. If he delayed any longer then it would only become more difficult to leave.

Feli however seemed to have something else in mind, and continued speaking. “I remember when I first saw you, Dominus! You were dressed like this- only much dirtier… and bloodier… and angrier, but I still thought you looked handsome!” His amber eyes seemed to have grown impossibly large, welling with emotion. “Even though you were scary, I knew you were kind. Are you going to be so kind to others?”

Germanicus opened his mouth to speak and immediately closed it. Feli had never really brought up the bloody nature of Germanicus’ career. Not that he could remember, anyway. Even if Feli had, Germanicus was sure he would have found some way to tactfully change the subject. “I…” he began, nervously biting his lip. “I will do what Rome asks of me, and that is to serve the Empire as well as possible.”

“By being a good, brave soldier?” 

“Yes, that’s right.” Germanicus nodded, hoping that his answer would satisfy Feli’s query. He was not prepared for Feli’s reaction, and almost toppled over when the young man sprung forward to catch him in a tight embrace while sobs began to rack his slender form. 

“No, Dominus, no!” Feli cried, burying his head in Germanicus’ armored chest. “Don’t do that!”

“What are you talking about?” Germanicus demanded. Overcome with frustration, he grasped Feli be the shoulders and forcibly pried him off. “Stop crying! I will not tolerate this nonsense right now.”

Feli sniffled, tears continuing to roll down his cheeks. Germanicus couldn’t determine whether he wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him or comfort him with soft touches and gentle words. Ultimately he fought down the urge to do both, standing in silence as he waited for Feli to calm down. When Feli had calmed down enough to speak, he did so in a choked, quavering voice.

“Dominus… please don’t be brave.”

“It would be shameful not to be.”

“No, Dominus, you don’t understand. My father always used to say that there are brave soldiers and there are old soldiers.” Feli paused to catch his breath before continuing. “There are no old, brave soldiers.” 

So that was the problem. Words failed Germanicus. For Feli to be so concerned over his well-being moved him in ways he never thought possible. The young man looked so forlorn, with his tear dampened cheeks and quivering lip. Germanicus couldn’t bear it. Before rationality could stop him, Germanicus had pulled Feli to his chest in what he hoped was a comforting embrace. They hugged in silence, with Germanicus hoping that he could somehow convey to Feli how much he would miss him, how he longed to keep him happy and safe. He had never been good with words; hopefully his actions would speak for him.

Feli finally broke the silence, his voice a meek whisper. “Don’t you ever get scared? When you’re out fighting?”

“All the time.”

“Then why don’t you run?”

“Because I can’t. I won’t.” Germanicus’ voice was firm.

“Romans are silly.” Feli drew back to look into Germanicus’ eyes. “There are much nicer things than eternal glory.”

Before Germanicus could refute Feli’s statement, the young slave pressed a firm kiss to his lips. For all his talk of fleeing, Feli was far braver at some things than Germanicus ever would be. Pushing back the nagging voice telling him to stop delaying, Germanicus returned the kiss, running his hands down Feli’s back and drawing him close. He was perfectly content to lose himself in the smell of Feli’s hair and the warmth of the young man’s body against his.

It was only a matter of time before the kiss grew heated as passion laced with desperation came over the two men. Feli broke the kiss, his lips red and bitten, only to begin nibbling on Germanicus’ earlobe. His hand began to creep up Germanicus’ thigh, tantalizingly close to the throbbing heat between his legs.

It was too much for Germanicus. With a harsh exhale he pressed Feli’s back against the wall, where he proceeded to plunder his willing mouth with his tongue. Feli responded with needy moans and by grasping at Germanicus’ shoulders. With a soft whine he began to grind his pelvis against Germanicus’, desperate for friction.

In the back of his mind Germanicus knew that he was being foolish and that he should be setting off to join his cohorts, but he couldn’t bring himself to listen to reason. Reaching between them to rub against the growing bulge in Feli’s tunic, he pressed his lips to the auburn haired man’s ear.

“Debemus esse celer,” he whispered, voice husky as Feli whimpered.

Feli nodded. “Scio.”

Wasting no time, Germanicus brought his fingers to Feli’s moist lips. “Collambe,” he ordered. Feli complied, taking the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking.

Germanicus felt his breath hitch when Feli’s teeth gently scraped along his fingers. “S-satis,” he mumbled. Feli released Germanicus’ fingers from his mouth with an obscene pop and smiled. He leaned back against the wall, relaxed.

“Aperi artus vostra,” Germanicus whispered, Feli obeyed and spread his legs. Conveniently for Germanicus, the man wore no undergarments. When Germanicus reached behind to prepare him, a soft moan escaped his lips.

Germanicus had only just added a second finger, silently wondering how best to prepare Feli while so low on time when he felt a soft hand on his wrist. “Desiste,” Feli’s voice was soft.

Germanicus paused, confused. “Dolebisne?” He had no desire to cause Feli any pain- not for the world.

Feli shook his head and smirked before leaning towards him and murmuring into his ear. “Diu abes,” he said softly, breath hot and tickly. “Te volo sentire intra me diu.”

Germanicus had no choice but to oblige. How could he refuse? With another fervent kiss, he told Feli to turn around. Feli eagerly did so, bracing himself against the wall, his legs splayed and his backside easily accessible. With an appreciative growl Germanicus loosened himself from under his tunic, wasting no time in hastily slicking himself up with saliva. Bracing himself with one hand against the wall he positioned himself at Feli’s entrance and slowly entered.

Feli gasped, surprised by the sudden stretch. The two men held still for a few moments, allowing each other to adjust. Their breath came in short gasps as Feli struggled to accommodate Germanicus’ girth, and as Germanicus resisted the urge to mercilessly pound Feli into the wall. Finally, with a smooth roll of his hips Feli gave Germanicus leave to begin moving. 

Their pace was fast, rough and frenzied. Germanicus moved relentlessly, as if trying to convey enough passion to make up for however long he would be away. Their passionate coupling did not last long; Germanicus wasted no time in sending Feli over the edge with his hand. Shortly after he tangled his fingers in auburn hair and jerked Feli’s back for a kiss, reaching his own orgasm as he did so. He stood panting into Feli’s shoulder as he summoned the energy to pull away, occasionally pressing heated kisses to salty sweat dampened skin. He wanted to remain there, to lose himself utterly in carnal pleasure. Alas for him, he had other, apparently more pressing matters to attend to. With a heavy sigh he gave Feli a final kiss before pulling out.

Feli turned around, leaning his back against the wall. He offered Germanicus a sated smile. Germanicus blushed, adjusting himself under his tunic and surreptitiously checking to see whether any evidence of their recent coupling had managed to stain anything. Satisfied with the inspection, he looked back at Feli, whose cheeks were still flushed from pleasure and exertion.

Germanicus cleared his throat. “I… have to leave now…” he murmured, averting his eyes. “I’m already running late.”

Feli nodded. “Yes, Dominus.” 

After a moment of silence Germanicus cleared his throat and nodded. “Right. Take that bag- no, the smaller one.” He inwardly winced as Feli tried to lift a pack that was much too heavy for him. Images of all his carefully packed belongings strewn across the floor danced through Germanicus’ mind, and he hastily snatched the bag away from his well-meaning slave. “I meant for you to take this bag,” he explained, gesturing to a much smaller, lighter bag. Feli complied, though he still appeared to struggle, much to Germanicus’ irritation. “When I return,” Germanicus groaned, rubbing his temples, “I am going to make you exercise more. This is inexcusable.”

“Come back soon then!”

“You’d better come back soon, Germanicus, or else I will be forced to whip him into shape!”

Germanicus and Feli looked up to see Gaius standing in the doorway, arms crossed. Germanicus blushed, wondering how much his brother had seen. “H-how long have you been standing there?” he asked, his blush darkening.

Gaius grinned. “Long enough. I woke up bright and early to see you off, but here you are delaying. For shame! Anyway,” he continued, ignoring Germanicus’ sputtering, “Gallus is here, ready to go to the cohorts with you. Are you ready or should I tell him you’re…” his grin widened as he observed Feli’s mussed hair and Germanicus’ embarrassed flush, “…indisposed?” 

Germanicus finally found his voice. “I am coming right now. I was just gathering my things together.”

“Of course you were.”

Germanicus ignored the goad and gestured to Feli. “All right come on, bring that bag. Don’t drop it!” He grimaced at the precarious way Feli handled his things. “On second thought, I’ll just carry that bag too.” He grabbed the smaller bag away from his slave and slung it over his own shoulder. “Make sure I don’t drop anything on the way out.” Feli nodded and followed the two Romans outside, where another slave, along with Germanicus’ father, waited with Germanicus’ horse. Gallus was also waiting outside, and he greeted Germanicus enthusiastically.

“Ah Germanicus!” He exclaimed, waving. “You made it! For a moment I didn’t think you were coming! Or maybe,” his blue eyes rested on Feli, “you were coming after all?” He laughed boisterously at his own joke, and Gaius snickered. Germanicus steadfastly ignored it. It was far too early for crude jokes. Without a word he secured his belongings to his horse’s saddle, then turned to say his goodbyes.

“Well, we had better be off now. We have a lot of ground to cover before nightfall. Goodbye, Father. I will write you as soon as I can.”

Germanicus’ father rested a hand on his son’s shoulder. “May the Gods grant you safe travel and good health. Be careful. Always make sure your weapons are clean and in top shape!”

“I will. Always.” Germanicus turned to his brother. “Goodbye for now, Gaius.”

Gaius grinned and clapped the younger man on the back. “Have a safe journey. Watch out for bandits. Kill some Illyrians for me, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Germanicus smiled. “You never used to wait for the order before attacking. I don’t think I’ll emulate your behavior in matters like that.”

“I attacked on my own and did extremely well!” Gaius protested, screwing his face up in mock hurt. 

“Sheer luck. Keep me posted on what happens here while I’m away. I want to hear all about your wedding.”

“I will. You’d better write as well.”

“As often as possible.”

Gaius nodded before capturing Germanicus in a hug. “Be careful,” he murmured softly. “And don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your slave while you’re away.”

“Thank you,” Germanicus murmured back, pleased that his brother had somehow read his thoughts. “I’ll be back as soon as possible,” He drew away and directed his glance at Feli. “And as for you,” he addressed him sternly, “listen to what my brother tells you. Behave. Don’t fall asleep while you’re in the middle of something, and try not to make a huge mess when you cook. Don’t go wandering around the city at night by yourself, especially if you’re carrying something valuable, and-“

“I know, Dominus!” Feli smiled. “I will do my best.”

“Good.” Germanicus nodded, wishing he could break decorum and gather his slave into a warm hug. “I will see you soon, then.” Without further ado he hoisted himself up onto his horse. He nodded at Gallus. “Let’s go.”

Gallus nodded curtly in response then turned to Gaius and waved. “Farewell, my friend!” he called out jubilantly. “I wish it was you coming with me- we would have much more fun if that was the case!”

Germanicus scowled. “Don’t forget that I am your superior, Centurion, and I can have you beaten.”

“Take no offense, Tribune. I was merely joking. You need to learn how to understand humor.”

“It’s only a joke if it’s funny. Enough stalling!” As he spoke Germanicus spurred his horse into motion, and Gallus soon followed suit. As he rode off Germanicus gave his family and slaves a final wave before turning around and focusing on the road ahead.

Unbeknownst to Germanicus Feli kept waving until the two soldiers were out of sight, and had then continued to stare in the direction of their departure long after their figures had disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations! Someday I will be able to write smutty dialogue in English. Someday...
> 
> Debemus esse celer- we need to be quick  
> scio- I know  
> collambe- suck  
> satis- enough  
> Aperi artus vostra- spread your legs  
> desiste- stop  
> dolebisne? Won't it hurt?  
> Diu abes. Te volo sentire inta me diu- You are leaving for a long time, I ant to feel you inside me for a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated without a ridiculous amount of waiting time? It's a Christmas miracle!

The legion was growing restless. Every time Germanicus inspected the ranks or helped oversee training sessions he heard the grumbling, and for once he felt sympathetic to the soldier’s complaints. It had been over two years since Germanicus had left for Illyricum- two years, three months and twenty-two days to be precise- and they had been some of the most grueling two years in Germanicus’ military career. The Pannonians had proven to be just as difficult to control as they were said to be; they attacked frequently, and with the zeal that is only present within those who wished nothing more to resist the yoke of Roman rule. Such ferocity could at times overcome even the most well planned maneuvers of the legion, and was not to be taken lightly. As a result, training was rigorous, reconnaissance missions frequent, and incompetence strictly punished. Normally the legion as a whole bore this without significant complaint, but a three-week long period of near constant rain had had a detrimental effect on the overall morale. Even Germanicus at times felt himself slowly succumbing to the gloom. A major contributor to his sullen mood was the fact that he had very little in common with his fellow tribunes. Germanicus had always assumed that any man who had managed to attain such a position must have worked extremely hard and be of a serious disposition. The reality of the situation hit him like a ballista bolt to the gut. The four other tribunes- his “respected” colleagues- were nothing short of a disgrace. Their well cared for armor and shiny helmets did little to disguise what they really were: the indolent sons of social climbers, all seeking to use their elevated position as an entrance to future political careers. To think that the lives of so many soldiers were in the hands of these largely incompetent men… it made Germanicus shudder. He also finally understood the words of his fellow soldiers back when he was a new recruit: if anyone salutes a Tribune, then the light must be bad. As a result of his distaste for the personalities of his colleagues, Germanicus often found himself shrouded in loneliness, and sometimes in his desperation he would engage in pointless conversation with Gallus. These encounters however more often than not ended in Germanicus going to bed with a severe headache. His tolerance for Gallus’ talk of debauchery was limited, after all.

Germanicus grimaced as a loud clap of thunder heralded the onset of a torrential downpour. He had hoped that the rain would let up for a bit, and not only for reasons of morale. During the past few weeks, reconnaissance scouts had been reporting an increase in hostile activity among the local tribes. Nothing had happened so far that merited any major military action, but Germanicus knew that it was only a matter of time. Illyria was never peaceful for long. It was not the prospect of going to battle that worried Germanicus, however. Rather, it was the fact that if the weather didn’t improve, they would be fighting on wet muddy ground. This would be made even worse by the fact that the terrain was uneven, which would only serve to imbalance the soldiers further. Perhaps they would be lucky and the Pannonians wouldn’t attack so that they too could avoid the poor conditions. Germanicus had a feeling that they would attack anyway and try to use it to their advantage.

Germanicus’ gloomy thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a young messenger, who looked like he had swum half of the journey and been dragged through the mud for the rest of the way. Germanicus gave the young man a sympathetic look before speaking. “Yes? What is it?”

“A letter for you, Sir,” the young man gasped out, trying to stop his teeth from chattering as he procured some parchment from within his large leather bag.

“Thank you.” Germanicus accepted the letter and handed some coins to the shivering young man. After a brief pause he handed a few more over. The messenger nodded gratefully and left. Once alone Germanicus opened the letter, and smiled when he saw it was from his brother.

Letters, though infrequent, brought Germanicus respite from the grind of military life. Over the past two years Germanicus had received a good number of letters from his brother, one or two from Melicus, and a large assortment of messily written notes from Feli. These were more often than not enclosed in a letter that Gaius had sent, most definitely to ensure that they made it to Germanicus intact. Germanicus greatly appreciated this, and expressed his gratitude towards his brother a few times in his replies.

It seemed that in Germanicus’ absence many exciting things had occurred back in Rome. After his marriage Gaius had apparently wasted no time in starting a family. Germanicus had only been gone ten months before he received news that his brother’s wife had given birth to a daughter. News of a second came less than a year later. Now Gaius wrote to tell him that his wife was expecting their third child.

“Fingers crossed for a boy this time,” Gaius wrote. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that I have two- almost three- children and Melicus has none! I told you he wasn’t really a man. I am willing to bet money that his marriage isn’t consummated.”

Germanicus smirked at this. He could just hear his brother cackling gleefully about Melicus' lack of issue. He read on.

“Father is doing well. He struggled with a short illness last month, but has since made a full recovery. Romulus refused to leave his side. It was endearing, but mostly annoying, especially when he wouldn’t let the doctor in. He kept insisting that he knew what was best for him. In other news, Feli is in good health. He hasn’t managed to mess up the house for at least a month, and he enjoys looking after the children. He keeps asking me to help him send you letters, but I have had to explain to him that it is very difficult to do so with you being so far away, and that it will take weeks for you to get them anyway. This doesn’t seem to stop him from asking every other day. I hope things are going well and that you are having a good time killing barbarians without me. Enclosed is a letter from Feli, I hope you have better luck deciphering his handwriting than I’ve had. Vale!”

Germanicus smiled as he picked up the enclosed parchment. Per usual, Feli’s handwriting was as illegible as ever and riddled with spelling mistakes, but Germanicus had grown accustomed to deciphering it. 

“Dear Dominus,

I miss you and hope you come back soon. Your brother is very nice to me and his children are very cute but I preferred it when you were here. I think you would like his children. I wish there was a way for you to come back. I miss you! Do you have good food in the army? If I could I would cook all of your favorite things and send them to you. I would even give up my favorite food if it meant I could make sure you have good food. Come back soon!”

With a soft sigh Germanicus folded up the letters and tucked them into his tunic behind his breastplate. He would write back as soon as he found the time, or rather, when he found an available messenger. The weather was so foul that he doubted he’d find anybody at that time anyway, save for the man who had just delivered the letters. Germanicus’ humanitarian side felt that to send the poor man straight back in the other direction would be ghoulish anyway.  
Groaning a final time for good measure, Germanicus fastened his cloak around his shoulders and prepared to go out into the rain. There had been orders for the Tribunes to help perform general mess kit inspections that afternoon. Germanicus hated performing inspections. He was always disappointed by the soldiers’ lack of organization and invariably ended up dealing with the bad attitudes of some of the younger recruits. There had been more than a few times when he had wished he was just an ordinary soldier again, though admittedly the job offered some decent perks. Not having to keep watch until dawn was one of them. Not having to sleep in crowded quarters was another. Counting his blessings, Germanicus put on his most authoritative face and strode out of his tent to the main quarters of his cohorts. He would perform the dreaded inspections with somber authority, and any ill humor from the men would not be tolerated.

*** 

It had taken Germanicus much longer than expected to carry out the inspections. The weather had made the men sluggish and ill-tempered, and Germanicus had been forced to administer quite a few punitive blows to some of the more defiant men. He had also come to the conclusion that he did not enjoy being a cavalry officer. Rome was not exactly known for it’s stellar cavalry, and Germanicus had come to find out exactly why over the past few years. While they were not by any means poorly equipped for battle, the men who made up Germanicus’s cavalry alae tended to be particularly impertinent. Many of his own men had been particularly rude (and unprepared) during the inspections. The whole ordeal was altogether unpleasant, and so Germanicus returned to his tent exhausted and sullen. 

“Hard day?”

Germanicus jumped when he heard Gallus’ voice, and scowled when he heard the man chuckle. “What is it?”

“You look upset, Tribune.” Gallus smiled in a way that suggested he had no respect for Germanicus’ superior rank. This infuriated Germanicus to no end. If Gallus wasn’t one of his more frequent companions (out of necessity, mind you!) he would have exacted punitive measures long ago. 

“I’m not upset.” Germanicus gave the centurion a firm stare. “I’m just a bit tired, and would greatly appreciate it if you left me alone. You had no permission to enter anyway.”

Gallus snorted. “No need to get moody, Germanicus-“

“Might I remind you that I am your superior officer and should be addressed as ‘Sir’?”

“No need to get moody, _Sir_.” Gallus rolled his eyes. Germanicus’ scowl darkened. “I merely dropped by to see if I could interest you in a few drinks- I have come upon a rather nice supply of wine. It would make a pleasant change from the usual beer rations, no?”

Germanicus had to admit he was tempted. While he did not mind the beer (he had grown quite fond of it, in fact, though he would never admit it in polite society) the idea of some nice wine was very appealing. It had been a particularly trying day, all things considered…

“All right,” he agreed. “Thank you for the offer.”

Gallus grinned. “You’re very welcome Ger- I mean, Sir.” His smile broadened. “Shall I bring it here?”

“Yes. Please.” Germanicus offered a tiny smile in response. A few relaxing drinks would be nice.

*** 

“No. I’m not having anymore.” Germanicus furrowed his brow in a vain attempt to look more adamant. It seemed as though Gallus did not know the word “moderation,” and his influence was enough to make Germanicus to become forgetful of the term as well. 

“Don’t be so boring.” Gallus ignored Germanicus’ protests and poured another cup. “You’ve worked hard today. Surely you can allow yourself to have some fun. Aren’t you capable of enjoying yourself?”

“It’s not a question of my ability to enjoy myself,” Germanicus answered. “It’s a matter of professionalism. What kind of officer would I look like if I was too drunk to behave competently in the face of an emergency?”

Gallus scoffed. “You’d look like a proper Tribune. Actually your constant sobriety is a bit disconcerting for the men. We Romans expect our Tribunes to be in a constant state of drunken incompetence!”

“That’s not funny.” Germanicus scowled but accepted more wine nonetheless. “Believe me, no one is more appalled by the general behavior of Tribunes than I am. It’s a disgrace.”

“They’re future politicians, Germanicus. What else did you expect?”

Germanicus said nothing, sipping his wine and glowering at nothing in particular. Usually alcohol of some sort buoyed his spirits, but at that time it only served to anchor him in the morass of his foul mood. In previous years Gaius would have aided in lightening the mood, usually with some bawdy joke or vulgar anecdote. Alas those days had passed and Germanicus was left to wallow in melancholy thoughts and mediocre wine.

“I think I am going to go to sleep now,” he announced suddenly, interrupting whatever Gallus had been saying (something about how the uniform showed off the soldiers’ legs nicely).

“So soon? Germanicus, I’m shocked and appalled. I thought you could handle your alcohol better than this. Drunk already?”

“I’m not drunk!” Germanicus snapped. “I am merely tired and wish to get some things done before going to bed. Unlike some people here I take my job seriously.”

“I sincerely hope you aren’t referring to me.” Gallus narrowed his eyes. When he didn’t receive a reply he stood up and continued. “I shall leave you to your wallowing, Tribune.” He began to exit the tent, but stopped briefly to make an addendum. “You really shouldn’t scowl so much. It causes wrinkles, and everyone knows that people with such a pale complexion age harshly enough as it is.” Satisfied with the jab, Gallus left.

Once he became sure that Gallus wouldn’t return to add any further insults Germanicus groaned and buried his face in his hands. Yes, the gloomy weather and nasty environment were definitely affecting him. It was abnormal for him to be so sullen. He knew that he had to snap out of it soon lest his judgment be affected as well. Germanicus thought about doing something productive, like studying newly made maps of the terrain. Perhaps he should just go to bed. Germanicus took a moment to mull over his options, his brow creased in frustration. After decided that he didn’t particularly like either option, he remembered the letters he had just received, and determined to pen a reply. 

Once he had acquired the necessary materials, Germanicus sat down and began to write. He wrote to Gaius first.

L. Germanicus Gaio Salutem dicit S.V.B.E.V.,

I just received your letter. The courier looked half-drowned when he arrived. I paid him extra for his troubles. Congratulations on your third child- I think this news can serve as a suitable answer to my usual question of “what have you been up to these days?” I hope your wife is well; please give her my regards and inform her that she must be the most patient woman in the world. The weather here is miserable, but what can you expect from Illyricum? I’m glad Father has recovered- give both him and Romulus my regards. Gallus has been as irritating as ever and despite my better judgment I have been spending much more time with him lately. As you can see I have gone mad. I received the enclosed letter from Feli- thank you for ensuring its safe delivery. I have enclosed a reply. I hope everyone continues to be well. Vale.

Germanicus reread the letter to make sure he hadn’t omitted anything important. Once satisfied that he had included everything he had wanted to include, Germanicus began writing a reply to Feli’s letter. He didn’t bother with any formal salutation; he figured that it would only serve to confound Feli, who would subsequently pester Gaius to explain things to him. Germanicus knew that his brother was (deep down) a kind man, but his patience had limits. Gathering his thoughts, Germanicus began to write.

“Dear Feli,

It is clear to me that you have not been practicing your penmanship. You must work hard to make your writing legible. When I return I will make sure you practice every day. The food available here is in fact decent, though not nearly as good as yours. I am glad that you are enjoying spending time with Gaius’ children; I hope to be able to see them soon. I do not know when I will be able to go back, but hopefully it will not be too much longer. I will try to write as much as I can, but sometimes it is difficult, as I am very busy here. Stay well.”

For a brief moment Germanicus considered writing silly things; confessions of affection, declarations that he missed Feli terribly, that he missed much more than his food. Of course Germanicus refrained. It was not befitting of a Roman soldier to write such sentimental foolishness. Germanicus would become a laughing stock if somebody else were to read such a letter. He would be forever condemned as effeminate and weak. Indeed, romantic, sappy thoughts were meant to remain as such, and not to be written down for the world to see.

Germanicus yawned. It had grown late, much later than he’d thought. He would have to find a courier to deliver the letters in the morning. Yawning again, Germanicus began to undress in preparation for bed. He did not relish the idea of waking up early the next morning and having to wade through the sea of mud that would most assuredly be present. As he got into bed Germanicus wished that the rain would have the decency to stop. He personally didn’t think that the rain would cease, but hope springs eternal. 

*** 

Of course the rain did not stop the next day, or the day after that. The terrain had gone from muddy to a mucky sea. To make matters worse, there had been several reconnaissance missions, and the scouts had all reported back that enemy activity was afoot. The news of impending conflict was not as unwelcome to the men as Germanicus would have thought. It seemed as though the men overwhelmingly were looking forward to some excitement, even if it meant dragging themselves through mud and risking injury and death in low visibility weather. Germanicus noticed that most of the soldiers who were eagerly calling for a skirmish were very young; most couldn’t have been any older than eighteen. It was then that he remembered the tearful words that Feli had spoken to him so long ago. “There are no old, brave soldiers.” Germanicus could see the truth behind that statement.

“It’s going to be a busy day, I think.” Germanicus turned to see that Gallus had appeared beside him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be administering punishment to unruly recruits today?”

Gallus shook his head. “Not today. That was my job yesterday. “

“…oh.”

Gallus gave Germanicus a sideways glance. “Are you all right? As much as it pains me to show concern about your wellbeing… you seem a bit off.”

Germanicus shrugged. “It’s nothing. I think the weather is dampening my spirits.” He grimaced when the rain intensified. “Literally.”

“No doubt you’re also imagining the huge mess that the mud will create!” Gallus chuckled at his own joke. Germanicus did not see the humor and frowned. “At any rate,” Gallus continued, ignoring Germanicus’ foul humor, “soon there will be something to take your mind off of the weather. There are reports of an army of Pannonians approaching.”

“How big?” 

“I’m not sure. A medium sized force I think. Nothing we haven’t seen before.” Despite Gallus’ flippant attitude Germanicus could detect a note of trepidation in his voice. Barbarians, especially in Illyricum were not to be trifled with. 

“I have not yet received any information on this matter,” Germanicus murmured, trying to keep the worry out of his own voice. “I expect we shall hear some official news from the generals soon.”

Gallus nodded. “Yes. Yes I expect we will.

It turned out that “soon” meant a few hours later. Germanicus, along with the other tribunes was delivered orders from the generals. A medium sized force of Pannonians was camped a days march away, and they were in the company of a cohort of Illyrian mercenaries. It had been determined that it would be much better to wait and let the enemy tire themselves out marching towards the camp that to try to slog across the muddy terrain. Germanicus was in total agreement, and immediately set about prepping his cohorts. He didn’t want to waste any time, after all, and it was essential to be prepared.


	12. Cruor, Sudor et Lacrimae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning- there are parts of this chapter that are fairly graphic and gory (hurrah for ancient medical practices) so any squeamish readers beware! There is also a sprinkling of old fashioned Roman chauvinism.

When the alarm trumpets sounded early the next morning to signal that the enemy force was within sight Germanicus was ready. He had spent much of the previous night ensuring that his weaponry was in order; his sword clean and sharp, his armor well fitted, his horse in good health. It had been a few months since his last battle, and he didn’t want to risk anything going wrong. One wrong move could result in injury or death, after all. Germanicus recalled horror stories about brash young men who had ended up with all sorts of humiliating injuries (including castration) as a direct result of not being prepared. Germanicus certainly did not want anything of that nature to befall him. He shuddered at the thought and checked once again to make sure his armor was properly strapped on.

The rain had not let up when Germanicus rode out with the other tribunes and their cohorts, and the ground was slick and muddy. All of the troops were lined up; neatly arranged in rectangular formations. The general had ridden out to give encouraging words to the soldiers, but his words were lost to the rain. 

“Can you even hear anything?” One of the tribunes, a young would be politician named Drusillus, asked. 

“No I can’t,” Germanicus replied, straining to hear snippets of the General’s speech. “That might be a good thing,” he added as an afterthought. Normally a General gave his speech in front of the cohort that was in the most need of encouragement, (not least because they going to become arrow fodder) and Germanicus was feeling incredibly fortunate that his cohort had not fallen into that category.

“Pity.” Drusillus looked bored. “I had been hoping that we’d get to do more than lurk behind the cohorts today.”

“If you’re so eager to watch men die then I’m sure you can just charge to the front line.” Germanicus was only half joking; sometimes he would love nothing more than to see cocky young officers struggling amidst angry hordes of barbarians and dying men. It would definitely build character. Drusillus did not respond, and the two men lapsed into nervous silence as they waited for the trumpet to sound.

The sound did not come, at least not as soon as expected. Germanicus squinted, trying to make out the enemy figures as best he could through the rain. The enemy had drawn themselves up in a square formation, not unlike a phalanx. He saw some movement as the archers moved to the front.

A yell from the centurions prompted the infantry to get into a defensive formation. Germanicus instructed his men to hold back. Illyrian archers were notoriously ill equipped; their arrows were no match for Roman iron and rarely caused significant casualties. It would be foolish to do anything. Germanicus (and the other tribunes) had been given orders to wait until the enemy’s spearmen had been weakened by the Roman infantry. Spearmen were capable of wreaking massive havoc among mounted troops. All Germanicus could do was wait for the signal.

After having let fly a barrage of (largely ineffective) arrows, the enemy army raised their voices and began to advance. Germanicus watched as the Roman infantry, which had taken up the wedge formation, moved forward to clash with the hostile force. The wedge formation allowed the legionaries to penetrate the front line, and the get close to the enemy soldiers. Germanicus knew from experience what happened next. The short broad swords of the Romans were perfectly suited to such close combat, and made quick work of any enemy soldier that was unlucky enough to be wielding a large heavy weapon. For an instant Germanicus’ thoughts turned to Gallus, and wondered how the centurion was faring in the front lines.

“This shouldn’t take long.” Drusillus’ cocky voice snapped Germanicus back to reality. He glanced over at the young tribune, saying nothing. It was true that in most cases any enemy foolish enough to take on the Roman legions in open battle would be reduced to nothing in under an hour, but Germanicus couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disgust at his colleague’s nonchalance. Drusillus had commented on the impending deaths of hundreds with the casualness of somebody speaking about the weather. Such people are surely incapable of showing any sort of mercy. Germanicus sincerely hoped that Drusillus, or anybody like him for that matter, would ever be put in charge of dealing with prisoners.

The order to begin flanking the enemy with cavalry came after the infantry had been occupied for about fifteen minutes. These battles never lasted long. Germanicus couldn’t help but wonder at the efficiency of the Roman army. Confident, he nodded to Drusillus before ordering his cohort to move. The cavalry began to advance at a quick pace. The ground was slick, muddy and even; Germanicus felt a slight pang of concern when he saw some of the horses almost lose their footing.  
He did not have much time for worrying, however. They clashed with the enemy infantry head on. The sound of metal on metal and the screams of dying men and horses alike filled Germanicus’ ears. The air was tainted by the acrid metallic scent of blood. Perhaps not surprisingly, the enemy infantry did not give up as easily as Drusillus had predicted, and resisted with surprising ferocity. Accustomed to the terrain, they used the poor weather conditions to their advantage, and had started trying to disrupt the horses.

Germanicus discerned this tactic quickly, noting with horror how many men had been thrown from their horses into the fray. He felt his own horse growing panicked as enemy infantrymen continued their relentless assault. Germanicus tried to remain calm (as calm as one can possibly remain while hacking at Pannonians) and continued to repel the enemy as best he could. He grimaced as he drove his sword into the chest of a particularly persistent swordsman who had been diligently trying to slice at his legs.  
Slowly but surely the Pannonians were systematically cut down and forced into a steady retreat. The Pannonians were not ones to simply turn a run, however, and despite being pushed back continued to fight, and took down their fair share of Romans. Germanicus ordered his cohort into the mop up formation, so as to better pick off the now disorganized Pannonians. He himself had begun to pursue the men who had broken and fled. He rode up behind one such man, ready to strike swiftly from behind. The blow would be quick. He was about to deliver the blow when the man turned around. 

Germanicus faltered. The man was young; he couldn’t have been more than sixteen. His face wore a defiant expression, but Germanicus could see that he was terrified. He could see it in the young man’s eyes. The eyes always betrayed these things. 

The young Pannonian sensed Germanicus’ hesitation, and wasted no time in retaliating as the universal fight or flight mechanism kicked in. With a swift, somewhat clumsy movement, the young man slashed at Germanicus’ horse, slicing into the poor animal’s chest before running off again. Germanicus’ efforts to keep his horse from panicking were completely futile; there was nothing he could do as he horse emitted a chillingly human shriek, rearing and stumbling backwards. The slick ground proved to be their mutual undoing.; the panicked animal lost its footing on the slippery terrain and fell to the ground, bringing Germanicus with it and pinning him under its weight.

Germanicus felt a sharp pain as his leg was crushed against the muddy rocky ground. He imagined he might have heard a crunch as his horse bore down on his femur. The injured animal’s frantic attempts to get up only served to lacerate Germanicus’ leg against the sharp rocks, and Germanicus found himself wishing that he had just been killed in the fall. The pain was unbearable, and he could not keep himself from crying out. Flecks of blue and white danced before his hazy eyes as his flesh was torn. He was helpless; the weight of his horse kept him immobile, and any attempt to struggle free would only result in further injury. All he could do was wait.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity the injured horse regained its footing, managing to stagger a few paces before collapsing again. With a groan Germanicus dragged himself away, trying to put as much distance between himself and his horse as possible. He could only drag himself a few feet before exhaustion and pain overtook him, and he collapsed, motionless in the cold mud. With another groan he pulled his helmet off and cast it aside. He looked up at the grey sky, his chest heaving from the exertion. Cold drops of rain fell on his face. The pain in his leg had become a constant throb; Germanicus was vaguely aware of the warm sticky blood that was steadily coming from the wound and mingling with the muddy puddles.

Germanicus did not look at the wound; there was no point. Surely a Pannonian would come and put him out of his misery any moment now. No use in getting worked up over a temporary thing. He sighed and closed his eyes. He wondered what his brother was up to back in Rome. He thought about his father, Melicus, Romulus… Germanicus hoped that they were doing well. And then Feli. Germanicus felt something tugging at his chest. Would Feli be all right? Was he happy? Germanicus desperately hoped so. He became vaguely aware that someone was standing next to him. A Pannonian, no doubt. This was it. He recalled Feli’s contagious smile, his soft voice, pretty eyes… Germanicus smiled, deciding that these would be his final thoughts.

 

The final blow never came. Germanicus heard distant voices; someone mentioned a medic. He opened his eyes to see two Roman soldiers standing over him. Who were they? Everything seemed hazy.

“The medics are coming, Germanicus. Don’t try to move on your own.” Who was speaking to him? He heard the voice again. “Germanicus? Can you hear me?”  
Finally Germanicus recognized the voice. “Gallus?” A feeling of relief washed over him. He was going to live after all. “Gallus, I…” His mouth was dry. “…I can’t get up,” he finished lamely. He felt dizzy. 

“You don’t have to get up. Just wait.”

Germanicus nodded. At least he thought he nodded. A few minutes later he became aware of the presence of two more men. “All right, we have to move him,” one of the men said. 

Germanicus felt very stupid as one of the medics, the capsarius, began bandaging his mangled leg. He didn’t like being useless, and this was quite possibly the most useless he had been in a very long time. The two medics were about to move him onto the stretcher they’d brought out. Germanicus had seen this happen many times to other wounded men; the medics always made it look so easy.

“All right, we’ll move him on three. One, two…”

A stream of expletives burst from Germanicus mouth when a fresh rush of pain surged through his leg. If he hadn’t been absolutely certain that it would result in even more pain Germanicus would have attempted to castrate both of the medics. To his annoyance, he heard Gallus chuckle.

“Shut up or I swear I will make a eunuch out of you!” Germanicus snarled through gritted teeth as he was laid on the stretcher.

“I assure you I am not laughing at your suffering! I’m just relieved to see that you have enough spirit left to come up with such colorful curses! I’m sure you’ll be as good as new soon.”

“Be that as it may, it would be in your best interests to be silent.” 

Gallus did not fall silent, however, and continued to engage Germanicus in an increasingly annoying conversation. By the time they arrived at the camp, Germanicus was too irritated with his colleague to notice the pain in his leg, and was feeling more coherent than he’d felt since before the accident. If he hadn’t been so pissed off at Gallus he would have thanked him for the distraction.

Germanicus’ distraction only lasted until he was brought into the Medicus Vulnarius’ tent. He could recall all too well his last encounter with the camp surgeon; a relatively simple stitching of a fairly small wound. At the time Germanicus had put on a brave face and born the pain as stoically as possible, but the memory was not at all pleasant. He shuddered to think about what awaited him now. He gritted his teeth when he felt his leg throb.

The surgeon, a brawny man in his late thirties gave Germanicus a wry smile before addressing the capsarii. “Put him on the bed and remove the bandages. We have to get the wound cleaned.”

The fledgling medics nodded, and prepared to move Germanicus to the specified place. Fed up with his helplessness (and not to mention the fact aht Gallus was witness to it!) Germanicus felt a sudden surge of anger and snapped: “don’t touch me! I am perfectly capable of moving myself.” The capsarii gaped at him for a moment before turning to the surgeon with questioning eyes. The surgeon frowned at Germanicus, whose attempts to stand were proving to be an exercise in futility.

“You’d best let them move you, Tribune,” he warned. “You’re not going to be doing anything anytime soon. Not with that leg.”

Germanicus ignored him and tried to stand, only to grunt in pain and fall back down.

The surgeon clicked his tongue. “I told you.” He looked at the junior medics. “Let’s get him on the bed. He won’t resist now.”

Germanicus glared, but allowed them to move him. He grunted in pain when they set him down, and cursed under his breath when the surgeon began to unwrap his already bloodstained bandages.

“How did you manage to get this nasty wound?” The surgeon sounded completely unaffected. Considering he’d probably seen much worse, this came as no surprise to Germanicus.

“My horse- aah!” Germanicus clenched his teeth. “My horse panicked and fell. It crushed my leg against the rocky ground. Then-“ Pain interrupted him. He panted, trying his best not to cry out, deliver a harsh blow to the surgeon’s face. He dearly wanted to do so, despite it being one of the least logical courses of action possible.  
“His horse tore up his leg while it tried to get back up.” It was Gallus who spoke, sparing Germanicus the effort to form coherent words.

The surgeon nodded, forehead creasing in concern as he examined Germanicus’ mangled leg. “This looks terrible,” he murmured. “Uneven lacerations… hm…” He gently pressed on Germanicus’ leg in various places, and shook his head when Germanicus grunted in pain. “… Bone fractures. Multiple ones. Right.” He walked away for a moment before returning with a cloth and a bucket of water and vinegar. He looked at Germanicus. “I have to make sure your wound is as clean as possible before doing anything else.” He dunked the cloth into the bucket then wrung it out. “Just a warning, this will sting more than a little.”

“Sting” was an understatement. Germanicus winced at the burning feeling as the surgeon cleaned his leg. He was still slightly annoyed that Gallus had stayed to witness his moment of indignity, but the centurion had lost his normal cocky smirk and was regarding Germanicus with grave concern. Better concern than derision, in Germanicus’ opinion. Better derision than pity.

“All right.” The surgeon placed the cloth back into the bucket and bent over to get a closer look at Germanicus’ wound. “This is going to need sutures. Lots of sutures. I am going to have to remove some of the really damaged skin, and then the bone will have to be set…” 

Germanicus wasn’t sure whether the surgeon was aware that he was speaking aloud. The idea of his already painful wound being poked prodded then eventually stitched shut made him feel queasy. He watched the surgeon gathering his tools; scalpels, scrapers, probes… His heart rate quickened. He felt incredibly stupid. He had been facing death (or at least mutilation) with varying frequency for more than a decade, and now he was trembling like a small child about to be beaten for misbehavior.

He steadied his thoughts. The great Marius had supposedly undergone a surgical procedure without so much as a groan, and Socrates had taken the hemlock drink in a single draught. Germanicus did his best to summon his inner Stoic, and his trepidation abated somewhat.

Meanwhile the surgeon had taken up a scalpel, preparing to delicately remove bits of skin that were far too damaged to heal properly without infection. He shot a quick look at Germanicus before getting to work. Germanicus inhaled sharply with the first cut; the pain was sharp, sudden and clean. The precision of the bronze tool brought a much different pain than the sharp rubbing of the rocks.

The surgeon worked quickly, occasionally swapping the scalpel for some probes and forceps to extract any bits of rock or rubble that had embedded itself in the wound. When he was satisfied with his work, he set about stitching the wound shut, occasionally glancing up at Germanicus to appraise the other’s pain level.

In truth, the sharp pricks of the surgeon’s needle were lost amidst the constant throbbing of the wound. It was over relatively quickly, and Germanicus breathed a sigh of relief when the bandages, some soaked in a special concoction made for preventing illness were wrapped around his leg.

“That’s done, at least.” The surgeon sighed, moving his delicate tools to the side. “Now we have to do something about the bone fractures.” Once again he began to apply gentle pressure to Germanicus’ leg, making the officer wince in pain. “I’m going to have to put this in a splint, and stretch it.” With a nod to no one in particular the ever-diligent surgeon gathered some more supplies. When he returned to his charge, he laid everything out again as before. He glanced up at Germanicus. “This will hurt,” he stated bluntly before addressing Gallus and one of the capsarii from earlier. “Hold him down.”

Germanicus barely had time to register his annoyance at being restrained before being completely overcome by a feeling of agony as the medic straightened his leg out in preparation for binding. He yelled in pain and attempted to break away from his captors. He was like a wounded animal; aggressive and hurting, he glared up at Gallus. “Let me go,” he snarled.

Gallus shot him an annoying smile. “Although I would like nothing more that to obey your orders, Tribune, I am afraid that doing so would end badly for all involved. Especially me,” he added as an afterthought when he saw Germanicus’ look of rage.

“Futue te ipsum!” Germanicus spat before clenching his jaw again as the surgeon began to bind his leg yet again, keeping the bones in the correct place.

“Te quoque amo, Podex.”

Seemingly unfazed by the stream of profanities flowing with increasing strength and rapidity between the two officers, the surgeon continued to carefully work on Germanicus’ leg, poking and prodding every now and then to make sure everything was in the right place. “All right, that’s it. I’m going to have to change the dressing on the wound every day.” He looked at Gallus and the other medic, who were still restraining the wounded tribune. “You can let him go now,” he stated bluntly. “I would suggest you move away quickly,” he added, seeing that Germanicus’ glare had not abated.

Germanicus was a little disappointed that he wasn’t able to take a swing at Gallus before he moved out of arm’s reach. With a stifled sigh of disappointment he looked over at the surgeon, who had begun to put away all of his tools and bandages. Although the pain was lessening, he felt light headed and nauseous. “What does this,” he gestured to his now thoroughly bandaged leg, “mean? How long before I can walk again?”

“If all goes well and there are no infections or other complications, then you should be able to stand again within the month.” The surgeon’s face grew grave. “That being said, I feel like I should be completely frank with you. The gash to your leg was anything but clean- the skin has been ripped up by a jagged surface. To be honest it would have been better if you had just been stabbed by an enemy’s blade. Those wounds heal better. Also, the bone fractures you have suffered are in places that are usually difficult to heal. I for one would be very surprised if things healed without issue. In my experience, wounds of this sort generally end up infected, and taking much longer to heal than expected.” He paused and bit his lip, considering how much more he should say. “Worst case scenario,” he hesitantly continued, eyeing Germanicus carefully, “is gangrene and amputation.”

Germanicus was silent for a moment, bile rising in his throat. He had wanted the other man to be honest, but he had not been fully prepared for the brutality of the situation. When he spoke again his voice was hoarse. “What- what would that entail? What is the recovery rate from… that?”

The surgeon’s grave look vanished and he gave Germanicus a reassuring smile. “Don’t even think about that right now- just focus on getting better, and Gods willing everything will heal up nicely. Negativity won’t help matters, I can assure you.” With an encouraging nod, he left the tent. On his way out, he gestured for Gallus to follow him. Gallus followed, and the two stood outside the tent, conversing with whispered words.

Germanicus glanced over at the two shadowed figures. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, of course, but he was able to discern that something negative was being said. He had a feeling he knew what it was, too. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked despondently at his bandaged leg, and knew that even in the best of scenarios his leg would never be the same.

Groaning, Germanicus flopped back down onto the bed. The pain in his leg had receded to a dull throb, making it easier for him to think. What would he do to keep himself occupied whilst recuperating? He had no idea. Germanicus found the prospect of lying in a bed in the valetudinarium extremely boring. Should he write his brother to tell him what happened? He didn’t want to worry him unnecessarily. What if he didn’t heal? What if-

“I have brought something for you!” Germanicus’ increasingly gloomy thoughts were interrupted by the reappearance of Gallus, who seemed far too cheerful. “Here,” he said, handing a cup of wine to Germanicus. “The surgeon told me that it will help with the pain- but I figured that you would want something to drink regardless.”

Germanicus accepted the drink gratefully. “You’re being unusually helpful,” he deadpanned after having drained the cup. “Don’t tell me that my injuries have made me more likeable in your eyes.”

Gallus snorted. “Not at all, Germanicus! As boring and humorless as you are, I am hard-pressed to let you languish here without some kind of help from yours truly. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and Jove knows that you won’t be doing any of that on your own accord. Besides,” he added, his face assuming an almost pained look, “I shudder to think what your brother would do to me if he found out I did nothing to help you while you were on your bed of pain.”

“Your devotion to me is touching.” Germanicus sighed. Suddenly something occurred to him. “How many casualties from the battle?” 

“Not very many, considering. Quite a few wounded men. The medics will certainly be busy. Oh, and we have taken a good amount of prisoners as well. Should bring in a good amount of money if sold.”

“Very good.” Germanicus shifted uncomfortably and groaned. “I think knowing that I’m going to be stuck here for weeks is more painful than the wound itself.”

“Look on the bright side. While you’re in here you’re going to get much better food than the rest of us. And more of it! They’ll probably even give you a larger alcohol ration.” Gallus’ face grew thoughtful. “It’s a pity that there are no female medics. I think that having a beautiful woman looking after you would accelerate your recovery, not to mention the positive effect on overall morale… I think I shall start a movement to make this happen. For the good of the army!”

“If there were female medics then you would be constantly ill, Gallus.”

“Of course I wouldn’t… but I would certainly make more of an effort to visit my wounded comrades! I think that this is the best idea that I have ever had!”

“It wouldn’t work,” Germanicus stated flatly. “How could a woman help carry a man back to camp? Or saw through bone during an amputation? Or hold a man down?”

“I shudder to think what kind of woman would have been able to hold you down while the surgeon was working on your leg…” Gallus winced. “Anyway, they don’t have to be surgeons! They can just help with convalescence.”

“It’s a stupid idea,” Germanicus grumbled.

“Suit yourself.” Gallus rose. “I am going to leave you to rest, now. Your dismissal of my absolutely brilliant idea indicates that you need to sleep.” With a toothy smile Gallus left, only to return a moment later. “Would you like me to write your brother?”

“No, thank you. If you would bring me the necessary supplies I will do it myself. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for some time yet.”

Gallus nodded and left. He returned some minutes later with all the necessary writing implements, for which Germanicus thanked him. He cast his gaze over the centurion. His handsome face was dirty, smeared with dust, dirt and blood. His normally pristine golden locks were matted with sweat. A cut on his brow slowly congealed. Germanicus grimaced. "You should go bathe. You look terrible."

Gallus laughed. "Not half as terrible as you."

"Yes but I feel terrible as well. The battle-worn look does not become you."

"What a wordsmith you are!" With another smile, Gallus turned to leave.

As Gallus turned Germanicus blurted out his name. "Gallus." When the centurion turned to face him again Germanicus cleared his throat. "Thank you for staying with me."

Gallus nodded, his lips curved into a soft smile. "It was the least I could do. Rest up." Without another word, he left, hopefully to bathe.

Once Gallus had left Germanicus began to write.

L. Germanicus Gaio Salutem dicit S.V.B.E.V.,

It seems that despite all of my precautions I have managed to injure myself. My leg sustained some damage after I fell from my horse. I suppose you were right when you told me that I cannot prepare for everything. The surgeon has looked at my leg, of course, and treated it as best he could. He tells me that if all goes well I should be in walking condition before long. Do not worry; it really isn’t serious. I wouldn’t have even bothered writing to you in the first place, except I have a feeling that Gallus would have written you and grossly exaggerated my condition. Once again, do not worry. I hope all is well. Vale.

Germanicus set the letter down and winced; his leg was throbbing again. He felt a small pang of guilt at having downplayed his overall condition in his letter to his brother, but justified it to himself by reasoning that it would be wrong of him to cause Gaius undue stress. He winced again. The pain was clearly going to be a nuisance. Still, Germanicus thought to himself, it was better than the agony he had been experiencing mere hours before. To think that such an injury was the result of slippery ground and a wounded horse. 

An uncharacteristically dramatic sigh escaped Germanicus’ lungs. He had always assumed that if he was going to be grievously injured it would be in hand to hand combat with a brave, strong warrior. A truly heroic way to earn a wound. This, however… Germanicus grumbled audibly at the indignity of it all. The fact that he would be unable to walk for some time made it worse. Another sigh escaped him. All he could do was relax and hope that his recovery was fast and without complication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All righty, so here is some background info for anyone who did not devote their undergrad careers to studying ancient medicine:
> 
> A capsarius was like a battlefield medic, they would do any bandaging of any wounds that needed immediate treatment while on the battlefield whilst carrying the wounded away from the fray (on a sort of stretcher) and to the valetudinaria, which was basically a hospital back at the fort or camp where the wounded would receive further treatment if needed.
> 
> Translations!
> 
> Futue te ipsum- go fuck yourself  
> Te quoque amo, Podex- I love you too, asshole


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More awesome Roman medical stuff, and lots of self-pity on Germanicus' part.

Unfortunately for Germanicus, the gods did not seem to favor him. After nearly a week of being covered with bandages doused in vinegar and various other ointments, his wounds showed very little indication that they were healing properly. Despite not wanting to do anything particularly invasive, the surgeon decided that it was best to examine the wound more closely.

Germanicus grimaced when he saw the now all too familiar kit of surgical tools. Fortunately for him, Gallus had plied him with a healthy amount of wine before the procedure. Of course Germanicus had declined at first, but upon reflecting on the amount of pain he had felt before at the hands of the surgeon he eventually gave in. 

It turned out that several servings of wine was not enough to numb the pain of the scalpel as the surgeon skillfully probed the wound and sliced away skin infected beyond repair. Germanicus gritted his teeth and strained against the grip of the men holding him down.

“Hold him still!” The surgeon barked at the men, barely glancing up from his work. “The last thing we need is for my hand to slip and cut something that should not be cut.” His voice lowered. “This is bad enough as it is without getting botched further.”

Germanicus swallowed thickly at the surgeon’s words and tried to remain as calm as possible. Gallus, who had decided to stick around, was not very helpful.

“Come on, Germanicus,” the centurion scoffed. “You’ve endured much worse than this! The scalpel is only a little blade.”

The wounded tribune fixed him with an icy blue glare. “If I wasn’t so afraid of disrupting the surgeon,” he gasped out, “I would jump off of this bed and throttle you.”

“That’s a bit much, is it not? I think you’re being rather dramatic.”

“I think you’re being… stupid.” Germanicus scowled, unable to come up with a suitably acerbic comeback. 

“Your words have cut me deeply!” Gallus feigned offense. 

“If my words could cut you as deeply as this surgeon is cutting my leg, then I would be very satisfied with myself.” Germanicus gritted his teeth and bit back a yell when he felt the scalpel again.

“It’s as I feared.” The surgeon’s voice interrupted whatever retort Gallus was about to make. “The bone is still not healing properly. I’ll have to reset it.”

Germanicus’ eyes widened. “Are you going to… um, I mean, you can’t really…” 

“I’m not going to break it again, if that’s what you mean. I’m merely going to… adjust it.” The surgeon hastily cleaned and rebandaged the wound on Germanicus’ leg before grasping the limb below the knee. “This will only take a moment.” Without warning the surgeon was pulling Germanicus’ leg straight, rebinding it.

Germanicus tried and failed to hold back a yell of pain. The feeling of his muscles being stretched too far and the still bruised bone being pressed upon was too much, and tears of pain formed in the corners of Germanicus’ eyes. His cheeks were tinged red with embarrassment and agony.

Fortunately for everyone involved the surgeon was exceedingly skilled at his trade, and finished quickly. “There,” he murmured. “Now, I am serious. Do not try to move your leg too much over the next few days. You might jostle something out of place. Believe me, you will probably not be as lucky if anything gets infected again.” He turned to Gallus as he prepared to head off to his next charge. “Make sure he doesn’t try to stand or do anything that might reopen the wound.” The surgeon lowered his voice, but that did not keep Germanicus from overhearing. “He’s not going to be walking for a while. And when he does, he’s going to have some trouble.” 

Once the surgeon had left Gallus offered Germanicus a small smile. “Well,” he said with forced cheerfulness, “that’s over. Aren’t you glad?”  
Germanicus frowned at him, and said nothing.

*** 

“Oh gods be damned!” Germanicus cursed much louder than he’d initially intended as he slowly limped across the medical tent. Months had passed since his accident, and his healing had been slow. Time, as it so often has, proved itself to be a great healer, and despite initial difficulties the bones in Germanicus’ leg had slowly repaired themselves, and the once gaping wound had closed into a dark and craggy scar. Even so, Germanicus had not had the ability to walk for some time, and when he had finally begun again, his progress was slow and painful. As he slowly began to be able to put any kind of weight on his bad leg and hobble around, Germanicus became increasingly aware of a grim fact: he would never walk without a limp again. This realization in turn led to another, more upsetting deduction: Germanicus would not be able to remain in the army. The muscles in his leg had been so badly damaged that he would be unable to adequately steady himself on his horse, much less march for long distances. It was only a matter of time before he received his missio honesta.

He felt useless, feeble and lame. The compassion and care that his fellow Romans offered to him only made matters worse. He was a burden, a hobbled draft animal. A small part of Germanicus wished that his comrades would put him out of his misery. The rest of him wanted to work diligently and try to overcome the crippling aspects of his injury, and to do that he obviously would have to soldier on. Despite the feeling of gloom Germanicus’ spirits were bolstered by the thought of seeing his brother again. And Feli. Germanicus had only received one letter from his slave since before his accident, and he had to admit that he felt a pang of sadness. Had Feli forgotten him? Perhaps. It had been years, after all. Germanicus wouldn’t blame him. 

Still… Germanicus hoped that Feli remembered him. Despite his best efforts, Germanicus had never quite been able to drive thoughts of the man from his mind, especially in the days since his injury. Before he had been able to use marching, training and fighting as a distraction, but now… There had been more than one occasion when Germanicus lapsed into reminiscing about his slave, and more than a few of such occasions had ended with Germanicus discreetly stroking himself to completion, face hot with desire and embarrassment.

Luckily, other distractions had come in form of communication with his brother. Gaius had written Germanicus a few times, offering updates on his life back in Rome. Germanicus had replied when he could, and had told his brother that everything was going well. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Gaius about the extent of his injuries, and whenever Gaius had inquired about them, Germanicus had avoided the topic altogether. There was no way that Gaius could know about the extent of Germanicus’ injuries, so Germanicus was more than a little bit surprised and confused when he looked up and saw his brother standing in front of him, a frown on his pale face.

At that moment a thousand different things rushed through Germanicus’ head. He had not seen his brother for years. How had he been? How was his family? Was their father doing all right? Was Feli still in Rome? There were so many things that Germanicus wanted to ask…

“What are you doing here?”

Germanicus would readily admit that he was not very tactful when it came to reunions. 

Gaius snorted. “I’m on holiday. I decided that the muddy plains of Illyricum would be the perfect way to get away from all the culture and comforts of Rome.” When Germanicus only glared in response, Gaius rolled his eyes and continued. “Why do you think I’m here?” He threw up his hands in exasperation. “Gallus wrote me. He said that your wounds were a lot more serious than you let on. Once he gave me the details…” His gaze drifted down to the source of Germanicus’ woes. “Gods, Brother, look at your leg! Why did you tell me that this was nothing to worry about? Did you not think your awesome brother would find out?”

“You wouldn’t have if that damned Gaul hadn’t said anything,” Germanicus muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“You shouldn’t have come. It really isn’t all that bad.” Germanicus forced a smile.

“Yes, I can see that.” Gaius raised an eyebrow.

“Honestly. You really did not need to come all the way to Illyricum.” Germanicus sighed impatiently. “I am perfectly capable of handling these things. Besides, the journey is long and dangerous, and you have a family now. Obviously you failed to think sensibly before coming.” 

“And here was I thinking that you would be happy to see me.” 

“Of course I’m happy to see you. I just would have preferred… better circumstances.” The two men lapsed into an uneasy silence.

Gaius broke the silence first. “There’s no way you can remain in service. Not with that leg.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Germanicus snapped. He had expected his brother to make irritating and offensive comments about his injury in an attempt to lighten the mood, but the sympathetic tone of Gaius’ voice was far worse than any obnoxious jape. When Gaius said nothing more, Germanicus continued. “I am,” he swallowed. “I am well aware that the extent of this injury is going to cost me my career. How can I not know? I have no illusions that this,” he gestured to his leg, an expression of disgust on his face, “will ever heal properly. I know that I am permanently crippled.” He limped back to his bed and slowly sat down. With a heavy sigh he locked eyes with his brother. “Gaius,” he began quietly, “what am I going to do?”

In stark contrast to his earlier subdued and sympathetic tone, Gaius snorted. “The way you talk, you’d think that the world was ending. Look, in the grand scheme of things, you’ve been lucky! A successful career up until this point, and all things considered not too bad of an injury.”

“What are you talking about? I can barely walk!”

“You will be able to in time. You’re alive! That’s the important thing.”

“But what will I be able to do? What good is surviving when I have nothing worthwhile to do?” Germanicus knew that he was being a bit melodramatic, but he figured that after having dealt with so much pain and stress that he was entitled to a little bit of angst.

“Stop being so dramatic. What are you, Greek?” Gaius shook his head. “It will be fine! Look at me. I couldn’t be in the army anymore, and I’m doing quite well.”

“If by quite well, you mean putting on weight then you’re absolutely right,” Germanicus muttered, pouting a tiny bit. 

“I’m not putting on weight! Well, if I can’t be a shining example of civilian life to you, then surely you can be happy about one thing. That slave of yours will be very pleased to see you. I nearly had to have him restrained to keep him from coming here with me.”

Germanicus’ grimace slackened almost imperceptibly. It was nice to know that Feli had not forgotten him, as selfish as it sounded. “Is-is Feli all right?” He asked, trying his best to keep any traces of sentimentality out of his voice. It would not do to show any more signs of vulnerability… his injury was enough. 

“Oh he’s fine,” Gaius snorted, waving his hand in a dismissive manner. “Never shuts up about you, though. It was cute at first, but gods…” He grimaced. “It’s become too much. He goes on ad nauseam about your virtues… whatever those might be.”

“…oh.” Germanicus felt a tiny swell of pride. “And… he’s in good health, I take it? He hasn’t been too much trouble for you, has he?”

“I wouldn’t go quite that far. He has his good points, I’ll give him that. Unfortunately being able to stay out of trouble is not one of them.” He arched a pale eyebrow. “He has managed to break something every month without fail.”

Germanicus averted his gaze. “Well, I never said that he would be an easy slave to keep.”

“That,” Gaius said, “is a massive understatement.”

“I suppose…” Germanicus fell silent before a thought occurred to him. “Gaius, how is your wife? In your last letter you mentioned she was expecting. Is all well?”

Gaius beamed. “Yes, everything is fine! Livilla had the baby a few months ago. Another girl. Not that I mind… any daughter of mine is worth ten of anybody else’s sons. Now, when do you think you will be able to make it back home? Needless to say you’re obviously not up to it now, but…”

“I must remind you that I have not be declared bello inutiles facti yet. Who knows, maybe I won’t be. Maybe I will heal enough to at least perform some of my duties,”

“Oh come on, Germanicus!” Gaius sighed in frustration. “I was given a missio causaria for my wounds, which, let’s face it, were not nearly as bad as yours.”

“And yet you just accepted it!” Germanicus spat, feeling spiteful and bitter again.

“Don’t you think I tried to get them to rescind their decision?” Gaius threw his hands up in exasperation. “I was completely lost at first. I would have given anything to be able to go back, even if it killed me. But I can’t. As they say, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Surely you realize this.”

Germanicus frowned and said nothing. He knew that his brother was right (for once) and that he was acting like a petulant child, and that, yes, it would be incredibly selfish of him to try and fight whilst disabled, but he couldn’t help but wallow in a morass of self-pity.

Sensing that nothing could be done to lighten the mood, Gaius broke the tense silence. “I am going to wander around the camp for a little bit. See how people are doing. When I get back, I expect you to have pulled yourself together. This is not how any self respecting Roman should behave, and you know it.” He fixed Germanicus with a hard stare before striding away.

Germanicus cursed as soon as his brother was out of earshot. How did it come to this? He would probably receive notice of his dismissal within the next few weeks, if not sooner, and then what? Was he to become fat and idle, indulging in every whim and caprice? Or was he to do what many veterans before him (including his brother) had done, and go into politics? The mere notion of entering politics left a bad taste in Germanicus’ mouth. To do so would surely mean to forsake the taste of iron, sweat, blood and the honor that came with it, and to replace it with honeyed words and oily lies. There was no honor in that. True, Feli’s presence would make things easier; Germanicus couldn’t help the tingly feeling in his chest when he thought of seeing his slave again. The problem was, (Germanicus had felt his heart plummet at the realization) that he would return an embittered, miserable man. What would Feli think of him? How long would it be before he grew to hate him? The thought made Germanicus’ impending dismissal even more painful. All he could do was wait.

*** 

Despite Germanicus’ protests, Gaius stayed in Illyricum, claiming that he would be a terrible person if he left his poor, injured little brother alone. Germanicus didn’t want to admit it, but he was glad that Gaius had chosen to stay. He was cheerful, distracted Gallus, and, when the notice of Germanicus’ dismissal arrived he made it somewhat more bearable. 

The preparation to return to Rome passed by relatively quickly. Germanicus gathered his belongings in stony silence, nodding and occasionally muttering a solemn farewell to his comrades. He managed to successfully avoid Gallus during this time, which he was grateful for, as he didn’t think he would be able to withstand any of the Gallic centurion’s snide remarks. Unfortunately for Germanicus, the libidinous officer approached him just as he was preparing to set off on the road back to Rome.

“Well, I suppose this is it,” Gallus murmured as Germanicus secured his cloak around his shoulders. 

“Yes,” Germanicus replied tersely. He remembered Gallus’ snotty jibes from years past and steeled himself for the worst. At least, he mentally prepared himself for the pain he would feel should his fist happen to make contact with the centurion’s smug face.

The passive aggressive remark didn’t come, however. Gallus merely offered him a small smile before wishing him a safe journey. “Take care. Gods willing you make it back home in one piece.” 

“Thank you,” Germanicus answered, slightly taken aback. “You take care as well.”

“I’ll do what I can.” Gallus flashed a jaunty grin. “I’m not quite sure how we will manage without you continually yelling at everyone. I might have to find a pack of wild dogs to intimidate the rest of the troops in your absence.”

“If that will improve your performance, then by all means do so. And for Jove’s sake, cut your hair!”

If Gallus was about to retort, he was silenced by Gaius clearing his throat loudly. “I hate to interrupt your romantic farewell, Brother, but we really ought to leave now if we are to go a reasonable distance before nightfall.”

“Yes, yes, I know!” Germanicus snapped, as he, grimacing, mounted his horse. He had finally regained the strength in his leg to ride, but not without some discomfort. “All right. Let’s be off.” With one last look over his shoulder, Germanicus set his eyes firmly on the road ahead. He was going home, to stay.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah I have finally updated! Sorry it took so long... 
> 
> Lots of feelings in this chapter, along with a healthy dose of awkward reunion sexy times! (things get a little OOC but I figured that years of being sex deprived does things to one's personality, especially to closet perverts) And of course, Latin dirty talk. Because who doesn't like Latin dirty talk? *slinks away*

“I swear these long journey’s become more difficult each time!” Gaius grumbled. After what had seemed an eternity, the two men were approaching the eternal city once again.

“They don’t become more difficult, Brother. You’re just getting older.” Germanicus snickered when Gaius threw an indignant look at him.

“That may be, but so are you.”

“I’m still younger than you are!” 

“Yes, but you’re also uglier!” Gaius glanced around. “It feels good to be back, doesn’t it? “

Germanicus nodded. As their journey had drawn to a close, the realization that he would soon be more or less permanently around his family sank in. He would see his father again, as well as Romulus and Melicus. He would also finally get to meet Gaius’ wife and children after these years. And, of course, there was Feli. The thought of seeing his slave again filled Germanicus with excitement, longing, and dread.   
He had done everything he could to keep thoughts of Feli at bay; it would not do to be distracted by sentimentality. Still… Germanicus couldn’t help wondering whether Feli would be pleased to see him, or whether he would be repulsed, or worse, indifferent towards him altogether. Would he have changed much?

“I was thinking that we would go to my home first. It would give you a chance to rest without Father bombarding you with questions. “

“All right.” Germanicus snapped out of his sentimental thoughts. “That seems a good idea. I’m excited to meet your family finally.”

“As you should be!” Gaius grinned. “Be warned, once you meet my family you will know that no one else’s can ever compare… including any you might have!”

“I’m sure.” Germanicus rolled his eyes.

“We’re almost there.” Germanicus could tell that his brother was getting excited. He had to hand it to him- Gaius had not so much as looked at any of the pretty young serving girls at any of the inns they had stayed at on the way back. 

“Oh, and I’m sure Feli will be at the house as well.” Gaius cast a sideways glance at Germanicus, who blushed slightly. “I’m sure you’ll be pleased to see him.”

Germanicus nodded, wishing that Gaius would drop the subject. Luckily, Gaius was not in the mood for ribaldry, and instead chattered on about how good it felt to be back in Rome, and how desperate he was to have a proper bath. Germanicus did little to contribute to the conversation other than make a few noncommittal noises where appropriate. He didn’t really want to think about anything at the moment; he feared that if he thought too much about seeing Feli again that by the time he reached his brother’s house he would run away before the slave could answer the door. Alas Germanicus’ attempts to clear his mind were futile, and by the time they reached Gaius’ house he was nothing short of a wreck. 

“You all right?” Gaius arched a pale eyebrow as he rapped at the door. “You look awful all of a sudden.”

“I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

Before Germanicus could protest the door opened. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but he felt a slight pang of disappointment when he saw someone he did not recognize standing at the door. She was a young woman, slight of stature with pale hair and large green eyes. It took Germanicus a few seconds before he realized that the young woman in front of them could only be his brother’s wife. Before Germanicus could say anything to introduce himself Gaius hurried forward, embracing his wife and planting an affectionate kiss on her mouth. 

After a few moments of murmuring (thankfully) incoherent expressions of affection, Gaius broke away from his wife. “Livilla, this is my brother, Germanicus. Brother, this is my wife, Livilla.”  
“I’d gathered.” Germanicus stepped forward and nodded politely. “My brother has told me much about you. I am very pleased to finally meet you in person.”

Livilla giggled shyly. “He has told me a lot about you as well.” She smiled. “All good things, I assure you.”

“Where are the children?” Gaius interrupted. “I thought for sure they’d be running amok by now.” 

“Valeria and Marcella are sleeping,” Livilla sighed with what Germanicus interpreted to be relief. He figured that they were the younger children. “Lucilla is playing in the garden with Feli.”

Despite himself, Germanicus tensed at the mention of Feli’s name, then immediately mentally kicked himself. Why was he acting like this? This was ridiculous.

“I’ll call them in.” Livilla smiled. “I’ll also tell Feli to bring you something to drink if you like.”

“He’ll probably spill it,” Germanicus grumbled, vainly trying to hide his anticipation.

“Well if he does I for one am so desperate for wine I will drink it off of the floor.” Gaius grinned. “Call them in, by all means.”

Germanicus nervously twiddled his thumbs as Livilla went to fetch her eldest daughter and Feli from the garden. This was a less than ideal situation for a reunion. He had been traveling for a long time, he was dirty and tired, not to mention irritable; a poor substitute for the strong, clean and confident version of himself that had left Rome years before.

The scurrying of little feet and a cry of “Pater!” temporarily put a stop to Germanicus’ worrying. A pale-haired little girl, no more than three, had come running into the room. Germanicus watched as his brother scooped the little girl up into a hug. It was strange seeing Gaius make silly faces and coo at the girl in his arms; in the past, Germanicus had always made it a point to keep his brother away from any and all children that might stumble into his path. He still wasn’t completely sure whether it was a good idea for Gaius to even have children in the first place, but there was nothing to be done.

“Isn’t she cute?” Gaius asked, grinning. 

“Very,” 

“Looks like me, don’t you think? Here, hold her!” Gaius smiled and made another silly face at his daughter, who was eyeing Germanicus with suspicious green eyes. “Don’t be shy, Marcella. This is your uncle! I know he’s not as handsome as I am, but…”

Germanicus had never held a child before, admittedly he found the whole business to be less than appealing, but he smiled and prepared to take the toddler from his brother’s arms. He was so distracted by this that he barely noticed the other man who had just walked into the room, and only became aware of his presence when he heard the surprised gasp.

He turned around to see Feli standing in the doorway carrying two cups of wine, eyes wide. For a moment Germanicus could think of nothing except how the other man looked exactly the same as when he had waved goodbye to Germanicus when he’d left for Illyricum. Gods, that felt like an eternity ago. Germanicus wanted to say and do a thousand different things all at once. He simultaneously wanted to grab Feli and hug him warmly, ask him how he was, and chastise him for tracking dirt into his brother’s house. For all the emotions coursing through his body, the most Germanicus could manage to do was to smile tightly and offer Feli a soft “Hello.”

During Germanicus’ inner turmoil Gaius had sidled over to where Feli had been standing and relieved him of the two cups of wine he had been holding. It was a good thing, too, for as soon as Gaius had the much-desired wine safely in his hands, Feli launched himself across the room towards Germanicus, throwing his arms around the blonde man’s waist and babbling all sorts of incoherent terms of endearment.  
All Germanicus could do was awkwardly pat Feli’s head, and look desperately to his brother for help. Of course he was happy to see Feli- extremely so, but this was most inappropriate.

“Dominus I’ve missed you! How are you? I heard you were hurt and I wanted to see you but I wasn’t allowed! How was your journey back? If I knew you would be here today I would have cooked you something special but I didn’t know, so I didn’t, and I’ve missed you!”

“Yes, yes, I’ve missed you too.” Germanicus gently grasped his slave’s shoulders and pulled him to eye level. He had intended to delicately inform Feli that such behavior was inappropriate, no matter the circumstances, but the second Feli’s huge amber eyes met with Germanicus’ own, words failed him, Luckily for Germanicus’ dignity, Gaius interrupted the reunion by loudly declaring that he needed a bath. Germanicus managed to stammer out that he too needed one, and excused himself. It would not do to let his emotions get the best of him… at least, in front of others. 

***

A while later, a much cleaner Germanicus joined Gaius and Livilla for dinner. At first the meal was eaten in silence; hunger and fatigue trumped any desire for conversation. By the time the food was gone, however, conversation picked up. The topics were to be expected; what was Illyricum like, how were the soldiers faring, etc. It was really only a matter of time before Germanicus’ injuries were brought up. Germanicus had hoped to avoid the topic of his injuries altogether, but Gaius’ wife had expressed gentle concern over his general wellbeing. It had not taken Germanicus long to decide that he liked Gaius’ wife very much. She was polite and kind, and when Gaius had started to grow angry about the “impudence of barbarians,” she had calmed him down by laying a small white hand on his forearm. Germanicus hoped that the calming effect of Livilla would serve to keep Gaius from constantly picking fights at inappropriate times, especially during family events.

“So was your journey back terribly difficult?” Livilla asked once she was sure that Gaius’ rage against barbarian tribes had been averted.

“Not terribly, no.” Germanicus smiled at her. “Long, yes. A bit dull as well.”

“How can you say that when you had me as a travelling partner?” Gaius looked scandalized. “My stories and jokes are more than enough entertainment for long journeys.”

“Not when you’ve told them hundreds of times before.”

“You can’t tell me that you didn’t like my joke about the prostitute and the donkey! You know, the one where-“

“Gaius I don’t think this is the time!” Once again, Livilla laid a hand on her husband’s arm. “Your brother is tired. I expect he wants to go to bed. Am I right in thinking so?” She glanced at Germanicus, who could only nod gratefully.

“Dinner was lovely, and as much as I would love to continue our conversations, I am honestly exhausted.”

“I thought as much. I’ve prepared a room for you.” She smiled sweetly. “Shall I show you where it is?”

“Nonsense!” Gaius interrupted. “Stay here with me, Livilla. Someone else can show him to his room. Oi! Feli!”

Germanicus heard what sounded suspiciously like a dish breaking followed by rapid footsteps, and in moments Feli materialized in the dining room.

“My brother is exhausted from the journey back to Rome, and would like to be shown to his room,” Gaius explained. “My wife and I are indisposed. You know which room has been made up for him, yes?”  
Feli nodded.

“Good!” Gaius turned to Germanicus. “Sleep well, Brother. I know I will.” 

“I’ll sleep well as long as you don’t make too much noise,” Germanicus replied with a half smile.  
“I wouldn’t count on it!” Gaius grinned broadly. With an exaggerated eye roll, Germanicus strode out of the room, eager for Feli to show him to his room. He rolled his eyes when he heard his brother call out something about being free to sleep in late and midnight exertions. He wondered how Livilla dealt with it.

Once he and Feli were alone in the hallway, Germanicus tried to think of something to say. He had to say something, surely. He wanted to say something, anything, but words refused to come, and he followed Feli in silence. The smaller man was being uncharacteristically quiet, come to think of it. Germanicus was unsure whether or not to be concerned. Before he’d left for Illyricum he relished the few times when Feli wasn’t constantly babbling about something inconsequential, but now the silence was unsettling.

“This is your room, Dominus.” Feli’s soft voice interrupted Germanicus’ inner worrying.

“Thank you.” He smiled, suppressing the urge to shuffle awkwardly. “Have… have you been well?” He inwardly cringed. One would think that he was speaking to an estranged spouse, not a friend.  
Despite the extreme formality of Germanicus’ tone, Feli’s face broke into smiles. “I’ve been very well, Dominus! Your brother and his wife are very nice, and their children are so cute! I missed you, though. You were gone for so long…” Without warning he pounced on the larger man and enveloped him in a rib-crushing hug. The fact that such a slender man had the ability to give such vice-like hugs never failed to astonish Germanicus.

“I’m so happy you’re back!” Feli continued, his face buried in the blonde man’s chest. “I know you wrote me letters, which were wonderful- I’ve saved them all- but it just wasn’t the same.” He quieted, but he continued to relentlessly hold Germanicus in his embrace.

“I’m happy to be back too.” Germanicus slowly, awkwardly moved to return the hug, his hands resting unsurely on Feli’s back. 

“And you’re not going away again, are you?” Feli looked up at him. “You’ve been away for so long…”

“No. No, I’m not going away again.” Germanicus did his best to push away all of his bitterness over his medical discharge and smiled. The elated gaze that Feli gave in return was enough to make him forget it entirely. The stood in silence for a few minutes, arms wrapped warmly around each other, getting reacquainted with each other’s presence.

Finally Germanicus broke the silence. “I’m very tired, Feli.” Slowly, almost grudgingly he pulled away. “I fear that I collapse right here if I don’t get into bed.”

Feli nodded. “Oh, yes, of course, Dominus!” 

Germanicus gave a half smile in response and got undressed. Despite all of the intimacy that they had once shared, he still felt a bit awkward shucking his tunic down to his undergarments under Feli’s candid gaze.

“Do you need anything?” Feli asked once Germanicus was in bed.

“No. No thank you. Just sleep.”

Feli nodded but did not move. “Dominus… could I…?” His voice was soft and a tiny bit shaky, as though he expected to be scolded. He did not need to finish his question, however; Germanicus knew what he meant, and pulled back the covers. With a gleeful gasp, Feli practically jumped into the bed and made no delay in invading all of Germanicus’ personal space, snuggling as close as humanly possible.  
Germanicus exhaled sharply, feeling a familiar sensation coursing through his veins and settling between his legs. He was exhausted, however, and was fairly certain that Feli was about to drop off to sleep as well. It was probably a poor idea to start something. Nevertheless, Germanicus tentatively ran his hand over Feli’s slim waist and pulled him closer. The slave murmured something unintelligible before clasping Germanicus’ hand and lacing their fingers together. Germanicus closed his eyes and nuzzled the crook of Feli’s neck and sighing. He hadn’t realized just how much he had missed this; Feli’s slow, even breathing, the smell of his hair, the warmth of his body… If he hadn’t been so exhausted. Germanicus would have berated himself for being so absurdly emotional. Still… after being away from his family and Feli for so many years, he’d found that he being cold and stern wasn’t always all that it was made out to be.

*** 

Germanicus must have only slept for a few hours, because when he awoke the room was still dark, save for a sliver of moonlight streaming through the small window and casting a ghostly light on the bed. Germanicus sat up and cracked his neck, grumbling softly to himself. Was a good night’s sleep really too much to ask?

“Are you awake, Dominus?” Feli’s soft voice pulled Germanicus out of his irritable thoughts.

“Yes. Obviously.” The blond cracked his neck again. “Why are you up?” He glanced over at Feli, who was still sprawled out among the pillows.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“That’s a first.”

Feli grinned sleepily before sitting up and inching towards Germanicus. “I was too happy to see you to sleep.”

Germanicus arched an eyebrow. “You’ve never had any problems with sleeping before- mph!” Feli had thrown his arms around his neck and planted a rough kiss on his cheek. As Germanicus recovered from the surprise, Feli gently pressed soft lips to his ear and murmured: “I really missed you, Dominus.”

The dam broke. Several years’ worth of sexual frustration finally burst forth; Germanicus threaded his fingers in Feli’s soft hair and pulled him forward into a rough kiss. He felt a tiny twinge of guilt when Feli yelps, but the feeling was brief, because suddenly he felt Feli’s hands moving up his back, nails digging into the skin as he returned the kiss just as roughly. They broke apart briefly, and Germanicus swore that there was a predatory, almost feline glint in Feli’s large eyes. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Feli look like that, but it excited him. The intensity of Feli’s gaze went straight to Germanicus’ crotch, and he bit back a moan as he attacked his slave’s lips again. For the second time that night, Germanicus became painfully aware of how much he had missed Feli; his touch, his smell, the gorgeous noises he made when Germanicus softly bit at his collarbone… 

Feli had managed to scramble into Germanicus’ lap and straddle his hips without interrupting the relentless barrage of kisses he was pressing to his master’s mouth, jawbone and neck. Germanicus moaned appreciatively when Feli gently nibbled at his earlobe. Grasping the smaller man’s slim hips, Germanicus ground his pelvis forward in a desperate bid for friction. Gods, it was too much. He leaned back against the pillows and ran his calloused hands up Feli’s soft, tanned thighs and under his tunic, and found that the slave wore no undergarments. Filthy. Admittedly, Germanicus was very slightly caught off guard, and he vaguely wondered why he continued to be surprised whenever Feli was wearing fewer clothes than expected. His ability to form coherent thoughts quickly evaporated and was quickly replaced by aggressive, white-hot lust when the smaller man moaned. A smirk crept across Germanicus’ face as he squeezed at Feli’s buttocks.

“Connudata?” He growled. “Moacha.” Feli whimpered in response before pulling his own tunic over his head. Germanicus cast his eyes over the man on top of him, taking everything in. Feli’s body was tanned and lithe, so unlike Germanicus’ own, and his skin was so soft… Everything about Feli was soft. Soft, gentle, and wonderful to touch. Germanicus wanted nothing more than to run his hands against every square inch.

Feli seemed to sense this, and leaned forward to rest his chest on Germanicus’. He pressed a soft kiss to the blonds’ mouth before whispering “Sum unica moacha tibi.” Then his full, soft –oh gods- perfect lips curved into a tiny smirk. He ran his tongue over them, eyes locking onto Germanicus’ as he did so, and then dipped down to gently bite at Germanicus’ neck. How he managed to say such dirty things with such an innocent tone would forever remain a mystery to Germanicus.

The larger man gasped sharply and snapped his hips upwards. He was painfully hard- it had been far too long- literally years. Germanicus had forgotten just how skilled Feli was with filthy words. He most definitely had not forgotten how adept Feli’s mouth was with other activities, however. The aforementioned man had begun to shift his attention to Germanicus’ lower regions; he slowly migrated down, peppering Germanicus’ chest and abdomen with soft kisses and light nips.

It was too much. Germanicus squeezed his eyes shut and, to his horror, whimpered. He’d never made such an unmanly noise before in his life- he was sure of it- and would have felt the appropriate amount of mortification, but Feli had wrapped slender fingers around the shaft of Germanicus’ already painfully hard cock and was giving it slow, firm strokes, which deprived Germanicus of the ability to feel anything less than elation. He cursed under his breath, bucking his hips into Feli’s touch. His eyes were still shut, so he didn’t see Feli dip down to press a chaste kiss to the tip of Germanicus’ aching cock before swirling his tongue in lewd circles around the head. “Oh Gods…” When Feli took all of him into his mouth, Germanicus arched off of the bed and slung and arm over his face, trying in vain to hide the deep blush that was staining his pale cheeks. 

“Dominus, adspicie mihi.” Feli had stopped his ministrations momentarily as he waited for the blonds’ reaction. Germanicus moaned softly and complied, eyes fluttering open as he propped himself up on his elbows and gazed at Feli, who smiled in a way that could only be described as wicked, and slowly dragged his tongue up Germanicus’ shaft and gave the head a little flick. “Placetne tibi, quod vides?”

Germanicus could only nod dumbly. It was almost surreal; the sight of his cock disappearing into Feli’s inviting mouth was fantastic enough, but the naughty glances that Feli shot at him and the filthy words that were whispered whenever Feli’s mouth was not completely filled rivaled Germanicus’ more perverse fantasies. Slowly, he reached down and seized a fistful of Feli’s hair, earning a very satisfying gasp. 

“Placetne?” He rasped out, holding Feli’s head in place as he began to thrust into the slave’s mouth with short, sharp thrusts. “Placetne, verpus meus? Placetne tibi, verpus meus intra os tuum?”

Feli could only hum in response, and the vibrations made the sensation almost unbearable. With a groan, Germanicus tugged at Feli’s hair. “Satis.” His voice was hoarse. Feli obliged, and climbed into Germanicus’ lap. In a very brief moment of clarity, Germanicus wondered whether he was being far too rough with Feli, and opened his mouth to apology, but was silenced when the slave inserted two fingers into his mouth.

“Collambe.” Feli leaned closer, his lips ghosting along the shell of Germanicus’ ear. “Amabo te, Dominus.” What could Germanicus do but comply? He lapped at Feli’s long, slender fingers. A soft moan escaped Feli’s parted lips, and he withdrew his hand. He offered Germanicus a shy smile before reaching back and preparing himself with saliva-slicked fingers.

Germanicus was never a particularly religious man, but when he watched Feli finish preparing himself and slowly, oh gods- so slowly- slide down onto his cock, he was sure that some deity somewhere was smiling upon him. The feeling of Feli’s walls clamped so tightly around him was almost enough to finish him off right then and there. It had been far, far too long. After giving Feli some time to adjust, Germanicus gently rolled his hips upward. Feli whined in response and met Germanicus’ thrust.

Their rhythm was shaky at first; both men were eager, but while Feli was ready to begin moving with wild abandon Germanicus held back for fear of peaking far too soon. Finally they reached a compromise. Germanicus gripped Feli’s slender hips firmly while the other man settled into a steady grind.

The two men were relatively silent for a while, save for the odd grunt and gasp. Then Feli arched his back and Germanicus gave a particularly hard thrust, tightening his grip on the smaller man’s hips and slamming him down onto his cock. 

“Aaah! Dominus!” Feli threw his head back and began to ride Germanicus quickly and roughly, matching him thrust for thrust, punctuating each movement with wanton gasps and moans. The sight of Feli arching back, bracing himself against Germanicus’ thighs with his eyes squeezed shut and his head thrown back is one of the most beautiful things Germanicus has ever seen., and when Feli begins to pant out a mantra of “me pedica! Me pedica! Me pedica!,” Germanicus can only wonder what he had done to get into the Gods’ good graces. 

Their pace quickened still. With a low groan Germanicus sat up, keeping one hand on Feli’s hips and wrapping his other arm around his back, pulling their chests together. He silenced Feli’s gasps by crashing their lips together and then everything became a haze of kisses, heat, and friction. Feli came first, biting Germanicus’ shoulder to muffle his scream. Germanicus followed not long after, signaling his release with a throaty groan.

The two men fell panting back onto the bed. Once their breathing began to return to normal Feli turned to Germanicus and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Placavit?” Another kiss. “Cinaede.” Feli grinned and poked his tongue out when Germanicus gave him a questioning look. He snuggled closer and boldly kissed the larger man on the mouth. 

When they broke apart Germanicus propped himself up on an elbow and fixed Feli with a bemused look. “Your Latin has improved,” he murmured, arching an eyebrow.

“I’ve had a long time to practice.” Feli smiled. His face grew concerned when his eyes fell on the scarring on Germanicus’ thigh. “Oh, Dominus…” His brow creased. “Is… is that where….?

“Yes.”

“Does it hurt?” A tentative hand reached out, gently tracing the angry red lines with soft fingertips.

“Sometimes.” Germanicus sighed at the soothing touch. “If I strain my leg too much.”

“Does it hurt now?”

“No.” Germanicus shook his head and smiled. “No, it’s not hurting right now.”

“Good.” Feli was silent for a moment. “I’m glad you came back, Dominus. Your brother told me you would be fine, but he was worried. I could tell.”

It occurred to Germanicus that Feli was secretly very perceptive. He had severely underestimated him in that sense. “Well, I’m back now, and I’m not going to go back into army anytime soon, thanks to my leg.”

“Are you sad?”

“About what?”

“That you can’t go back.”

Germanicus bit his lip and looked away. “No,” he answered finally. “No, not sad. Angry, yes. Frustrated as well, but not sad, exactly.”

Feli nodded slowly, his eyes focusing on something distant that only he could see. “Are you upset that you had to come back?”

Oh Gods. Germanicus felt a twinge of guilt. “Of course I’m not upset to be back.” He inhaled, hoping that he wasn’t turning too red. “I’m very happy to be back. I just wish the circumstances were different.”  
His answer seemed to satisfy Feli and the man snuggled even closer. He yawned. “I missed you, Dominus,” he muttered sleepily.

“Mmm.” Germanicus couldn’t quite bring himself to say the same. Emotional confessions were not his strong point. Instead he cast his eyes over Feli, watching his breathing become slow and even as sleep took him. If Feli had somehow been aware when Germanicus’ lips pressed softly against his cheek, he gave no indication the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latin translations for y'all:
> 
> connudata - naked  
> moacha- slut  
> sum unica moacha tibi- I am only a slut for you  
> adspicie mihi- look at me  
> placetne tibi, quod vides?- do you like what you see?  
> Placetne? Verpus meus? Verpus meus intra os tuum? - Do you like it? My cock? My cock in your mouth?  
> Satis- enough  
> collambe - suck  
> amabo to- please  
> me pedica - fuck me  
> Placavit - did you like it? (literally: was it pleasing?)  
> Cinaede- pervert
> 
> Once again sorry for taking so long to update! IRL loves thwarting my writing efforts.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah I've been away for so long! I hope people haven't given up on this fic. Life gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, have some smut and a tiny bit of plot development. I've also written out the smut in English this time, rather than using Latin, for two reasons: 1) I got a bit lazy and 2) I know some readers find it a bit hard to follow when they have to constantly scroll to the bottom of the page for translations, and this particular scene has a good deal of dirty talk, so I thought I'd leave out the Latin this time (although I miiiight write it out with the Latin later and post it as a separate bonus chapter of sorts!) Anyway, enjoy!

When Germanicus awoke it was already midday. He was not surprised to see that Feli was still fast asleep beside him. The habitual urge to shake the other man awake and berate him for sleeping too much began to rise within Germanicus, but the awareness of his own hypocrisy stayed his hand. He sighed and stretched. It was nice to actually sleep in a proper bed again. So nice, in fact, that Germanicus was sorely tempted to lie back down and laze the day away. As if to unconsciously persuade him to do so, Feli stirred and slung an arm over Germanicus’ lap. 

A smile tugged at the blonde’s lips as he watched Feli wriggle closer in search of warmth. A few more minutes in bed wouldn’t be so terrible, surely. Germanicus doubted that his brother was even awake. Although very disciplined, Gaius had never enjoyed waking up early, and had been known to sleep until well into the afternoon when he had been up late the night before. Germanicus yawned. No, it definitely would not be terrible to stay in bed a while longer. He lied down again, smiling to himself when Feli managed to scoot even closer. He had to admit, the physical contact was extremely pleasant. 

Sighing contentedly, Germanicus absently brushed auburn strands back from Feli’s forehead. Germanicus took the opportunity to study Feli’s face. The man had surprisingly long eyelashes, a slightly darker shade of auburn than his hair, and a very light dusting of freckles was scattered across delicate cheekbones. Casting his eyes lower, Germanicus noticed that Feli’s lower lip was slightly fuller than his upper lip. How had these details escaped him? His eyes wandered lower, casting their blue gaze over a slender neck and prominent collarbones. Before he fully realized what he was doing Germanicus leant forward and ghosted his lips across the sleeping man’s cheek. He blushed furiously as he pulled back. This was ridiculous. He’d only just been discharged from the legions and already he was turning foolish and sentimental. 

He froze when Feli shifted and rolled over, pressing his back against Germanicus’ chest. The change in position was not unwanted by any means, but it made Germanicus painfully aware a growing morning erection. He wanted nothing more than to give into his baser urges and rut against Feli’s backside, or, better yet, to rouse the sleeping young man, kiss him, touch him, then pound him into oblivion.

“No.” The single word was barely audible. Germanicus frowned, shook his head, and carefully so as not to wake Feli, sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. What was he thinking, indulging in such thoughts? What was he, Greek? Or worse… Gallus. Germanicus shuddered at the thought. Regardless, he was being foolish. Being discharged from the legions did not give him leave to ignore all discipline and sink into moral decrepitude. No, that would be most un-Roman of him. Totally and utterly unacceptable. He would have to begin training immediately. For what, exactly he wasn’t sure, nor was he sure what he would be capable of doing with his leg in the sorry state it was in, but—

“Dominus?” Feli’s voice, still thick with sleep, interrupted the panicked musings of the blonde man.

“Yes? What is it?” Germanicus asked curtly, perhaps more curtly than intended.

Feli seemed undaunted. “Good morning.” After a period of shuffling, slender tanned arms lightly encircled Germanicus’ waist.

“Good afternoon,” Germanicus corrected, casting a sideways glance at Feli, who had rested his chin on the larger man’s shoulder.

“Mmm either way it’s good.” Feli sighed happily and nuzzled Germanicus’ neck. “I’m so happy you’re back, Dominus.”

“So you’ve said about seven times,” Germanicus replied, trying and failing to put on an air of annoyance. Really, he had to stop wasting time and accomplish something that day. Nothing was to be gained by lying in bed. He was about to extricate himself from Feli’s embrace, but Feli, brazen creature that he was, began to press soft kisses to his master’s neck and back, long fingers twined in pale hair, and Germanicus lost his resolve. “Gods,” he murmured as he felt a warm tongue trace the shell of his ear. “F-Feli, we can’t right now. I have things to do.”

“But you only just got back.” Smooth lips pressed gently against Germanicus’ temple. “You should rest a little more, Dominus. Stop hurrying off to do things so often.”

Germanicus could hardly call their current activity “resting,” and was about to chide Feli for evening implying such a thing, but stopped when he felt Feli’s clever hands on his inner thighs. “This is not the time for—“ Germanicus’s halfhearted admonition died on his lips when the slave wrapped long fingers around Germanicus’ rapidly hardening length.

A soft laugh escaped Feli’s lips. “Am I doing well, Dominus?” he asked, voice deceptively innocent.

For a minute or so, Germanicus said nothing, save for the odd strangled gasp. He bucked into his slave’s hand a few times before deciding that Feli had taken far too many liberties for someone in his position. Even with an injured leg, Germanicus was easily the stronger of the two men, and with one swift movement he had Feli pinned onto the bed beneath him.

“You’re doing very well,” he whispered. “Too well, even.” He nudged Feli’s thighs apart with his knee before settling between them. “Can you feel what you’ve done to me?”

“I-I like it when you are like this, Dominus,” Feli murmured, bucking his hips up to grind his naked erection against Germanicus’. 

“You like it when I am unable to control my actions?” Germanicus whispered, running calloused fingers up Feli’s sides, enjoying the feeling the muscles tense underneath his touch. “You like it when I am unable to keep from touching you?” He ran his tongue across the hollow below one of Feli’s ears, earning a choked gasp from the smaller man. His lips curved into a smile against the smooth flesh of Feli’s neck. “How greedy of you.” He continued to lavish attention upon Feli’s neck, alternating between sucking, licking, and kissing whilst reaching under the slave’s hips to prepare him for what was soon to come. 

“Please, Dominus, more!” Feli whined and shifted in order to allow Germanicus better access to his entrance

“Did you not tell me a short while ago that I should stop hurrying things?” Germanicus chuckled, bringing three fingers to Feli’s lips. “Don’t eat your words now. Suck.” Deeming his fingers to be suitably wet, Germanicus rose, sitting back on his heels. Pulling Feli’s hips towards him, he took a moment to properly take in the auburn-haired man’s body. He had seen Feli’s body in its entirety many times, in various positions as well, but he’d never properly _looked_ before. Gods, the slave was beautiful. Perfect. 

Feli still seemed to be rather loose from the previous night’s activities, so preparation did not take long; a fact that Germanicus was secretly grateful for. Germanicus considered himself to be a patient man, but he found it extremely difficult to ignore the ache in his groin in favor of preparing Feli’s entrance. As if sensing his master’s impatience, Feli thrust against his fingers and whined. “Please hurry, Dominus,” he gasped out, arching back against the bed.

Germanicus nodded wordlessly before positioning himself over the slave. A dull throb emanated from his injured leg, but Germanicus paid it no heed, stopping only to hook one of Feli’s long legs over his shoulder before entering him, groaning as he bottomed out.

“Mmm, Dominus. You’re so big,” Feli cooed, wrapping his free leg around Germanicus’ torso and pulling him closer. “It feels so good, Dominus.” As if to prove the point, he wiggled his hips, sending white-hot jolts of pleasure through his master’s groin.

Germanicus did not respond verbally; it seemed that his mental faculties were greatly limited when he was balls deep in Feli’s ass. Instead, he increased the pace of his thrusts, bearing down even more on Feli so that the slave was very nearly bent in half. 

“Oh, yes, Dominus! Please more!” Feli’s cries increased in volume as he dug his fingers into Germanicus’ back. What could Germanicus do but comply? He pulled out briefly only to slam back in again with renewed force, relishing the cries issuing from the man beneath him. Had Feli always been this shameless? Probably. He felt so tight and impossibly hot around Germanicus’ cock; Germanicus was sure that he wouldn’t be able to last very long, especially with the way Feli was moaning and gasping out incoherent words, accompanied by the occasional “fuck me, Dominus, fuck me”. How filthy. Germanicus leaned forward to nip at the noisy man’s earlobe. “You always use such foul language when you’re getting fucked,” he growled, running his teeth down the soft flesh of Feli’s neck. “How rude of you.”

“I’m sorry, Dominus, but- aaah!” 

“That’s another thing.” Germanicus hungrily kissed Feli’s mouth before pulling out, causing the slave to whimper. “You’re always so loud,” he continued. “You might disturb someone.” Before Feli could reply Germanicus firmly grasped his hips and guided him onto his hands and knees. “What shall we do about that mouth of yours, hm?” He thrust back in roughly causing Feli to throw his head back and shout something in his native language.

“Shh, what did I just say?” Germanicus reached out and pressed two fingers to Feli’s lips. “You need to be quieter.” He pushed his fingers into the slave’s mouth, groaning at the sensation when Feli began to nibble and suck at them. “That’s better,” he murmured, giving a few shallow thrusts before picking up the pace and ramming into Feli mercilessly. 

Feli moaned something incomprehensible around Germanicus’ fingers, pushing his own slender hips back to meet his master’s harsh thrusts. Germanicus could tell that the slave was getting close; Feli was still managing to be quite loud despite having his mouth full.

“So wanton.” Germanicus removed his fingers from Feli’s mouth and reached down to give much needed attention to the man’s leaking cock. Feli writhed, spouting out words of encouragement, gratitude and profanity. Something about seeing Feli, usually so naïve and innocent, moaning and grinding like a whore made Germanicus inexplicably excited. He began to move his hips with even more force, his free hand braced against Feli’s upper thigh.

“Gods,” he forced out in between thrusts. “You.” Thrust. “Are.” Thrust. “So.” Thrust. “Filthy.” As if on cue, Feli cried out and came onto Germanicus’ hand. Germanicus continued to fuck him through his orgasm, following with his own soon after. He froze momentarily, relishing the feeling of his own release before leaning forward and pressing a gentle, almost apologetic kiss between Feli’s shoulder blades. With a sigh he slowly pulled out and flopped onto the bed, exhausted. Feli wasted no time in joining him, snuggling up as close as humanly possible.

The room was quiet for a few minutes, a stark contrast to the previous moaning and panting. It was Germanicus who broke the silence. “I’m… sorry if I was too, erm, forceful,” he mumbled, averting his eyes and turning red. “I don’t know what came over me. If I hurt you in any way, I apologize.” To his great surprise Feli giggled. He looked over, frowning. “What?”

“You really are too serious, Dominus.” Feli smiled. “Don’t worry.” He yawned. “I’m tired though. And a bit sore.”

“You just woke up less than an hour ago,” Germanicus protested, trying and failing to hide the fond smile that was creeping across his features.

“Yes but I’ve been very active.” Feli snuggled in closer (somehow). “Aren’t you tired, Dominus?”

“Not really,” Germanicus lied. “We really should get up. It’s late.” When Feli didn’t answer Germanicus glanced over and saw that the man had fallen asleep. How he managed to fall asleep so immediately was beyond his understanding. Germanicus sighed, and resigned himself to the fact that nothing productive would be achieved that day.

***

“So, any word on your pension?” 

It had been two weeks since Germanicus and his brother had returned to Rome. The excitement surrounded their return had died down, and things had more or less returned to the status quo. Germanicus sighed heavily at his brother’s question.  
“I’ve only heard that I will be receiving payment within the next couple of weeks, so hopefully soon.”

Gaius nodded in understanding. “For all their talk of efficiency and speed, the Legions really seem to like making a man wait for his pay. It took them months to sort out my pension once they figured out that I wasn’t dead.” He grinned. “To be fair, I imagine that officers don’t come back from the dead all that often.”

“I suppose not.”

“Well, I doubt they’ll take too long sorting you out, you being a tribune, and, you know, alive. I imagine you’ll get a decent grant of land as well.”

“Ah yes, there was some mention of that in the last correspondence. I’m to be awarded an estate just south of here, apparently.”

“Excellent!” Gaius clapped his brother on the shoulder. “It seems that all your hard training and commitment to not allowing anyone to have any fun ever has paid off! If they didn’t appreciate your service as much, they might have just granted you a godforsaken rock in Dacia somewhere.”

“I don’t know the reasoning behind the choice. They merely granted me what they deemed suitable for a man of my position.” Germanicus cast an irritated look at his brother, who seemed to have lost interest in the conversation and was fawning over a tiny yellow bird that was suddenly sitting on his shoulder. “Is that…?”

“Oh, him? Yeah, that’s Gavis. Best thing Melicus ever gave me.”

Germanicus raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. “I thought he’d be dead by now, to be honest. Whether it be out of old age or neglect on your part I wasn’t sure.”

“Dead? This guy? Never. He’s a tough one. Isn’t that right?” Gaius’ voice had risen by at least an octave when he addressed the yellow ball of fluff, which chirped in reply.

“Did you ever figure out what kind of bird he is?” Germanicus’ forehead creased as he watched his brother procure some bread (again, seemingly out of nowhere) and begin feeding it to his pet.  
“The awesome kind!” Gaius grinned broadly. 

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you are older than I am. I am still struggling to accept the fact that you’ve managed to reproduce.”

“That reminds me.” Gaius diverted his attention from Gavis and turned to Germanicus once more. “Have you contacted Father at all? I took it upon myself to inform him that we were back more or less in one piece, but I didn’t give him any of the details.”

“Yes of course I have. He asked me to visit; I told him I would once I’d adjusted to civilian life.”

“That could take ages!” Gaius protested with a giggle. “Do you really want to avoid the old Pater that badly?”

“Why would I want to avoid our Father? I just wanted some time to recover before going to see him. You know what he’s like. He’ll demand all the details several times over. That takes energy that I did not possess when we returned.”

“Fair enough.” Gaius glanced at his feet, then at the sky. “This garden is quite nice this time of year, isn’t it?”

“It’s summer; everything is nice this time of year.”

“Not so! The southern provinces are probably shit.”

“You’ve never been to the southern provinces.”

“Nor have you.” Gaius fell silent for a moment, chewing on his lip. “Look, I know why you aren’t thrilled at the prospect of seeing Father right now.”

Germanicus cast his brother a sideways glance. “Oh? And why is that.”

“Oh come on!” Gaius snorted. “It’s obvious. We both know that the second you’ve finished regaling him with your exploits he’s going to start prompting you to settle down with the first suitable girl of age he finds. He’s been worrying about your well-being for years, and he’s going to use your injuries to support his case.”

“I’m not going back to the frontier ever again so I fail to see why he’s so eager for me to marry,” Germanicus snapped.

“Isn’t it obvious? The man wants grandsons. I know you’ve been away for a long time but the laws and traditions concerning dowries and the family name remain unchanged, and unless I am very much mistaken I have three daughters.”

“Well, yes, but—“

“Melicus has been married for years and still has no children, so there’s no hope of passing anything down through him unless he finds a worthy candidate for adoption. This leaves you, Germanicus. Father sees you as his final means of producing grandsons, and I have to say, as pretty as that slave of yours is he is not going to be of any help in this matter no matter how many times you fuck him.”

Germanicus felt heat rising to his face. “How dare you say such… such lewd things about—“

“Oh come off it. We all know that you two go at it like rabbits.” Gaius waved his hand dismissively. “I have no interest in where you stick your dick. That’s your business.” He screwed up his face. “Oh god, I did not need that mental image. Anyway,” he continued, taking full advantage of Germanicus being too appalled to say anything, “you have literally no excuse to remain unattached. You’re a civilian now, and you’ve seen the penalties that Augustus is imposing on unmarried or ‘celibate,’ individuals these days. All I’m saying is that at this point Father’s demands are not so unreasonable, no matter how distasteful they may be.”

It took Germanicus a full two minutes to regain his speech. Finally, he sighed. “You’re right. I know that I’m being illogical. It just seems like too great of a change right now.”

“Hey, it isn’t so bad. I adjusted all right!”

Germanicus rolled his eyes. “You got fat.”

“I did not!” Gaius halfheartedly punched his brother’s shoulder. “I’m still just as svelte as I’ve always been.”

“You are delusional.”

“Shut up. At least I’m not a pervert.”

“That accusation is unfounded.”

“The walls are thin!”

“Your room isn’t even close to mine.”

“The walls are _very_ thin.”  
“You are terrible.” Germanicus stood and grimaced at his brother’s smirk. “Don’t you have anything better to do than sit around being vulgar?”

“No. Well, in theory I have tasks that need attending to. Finance and whatnot. They aren’t nearly as entertaining as vulgarity.”

“Of course not.” 

“If you wish, you can let me teach all about helping with the running of an exporting business. It’s not as exciting as being in the Legions, but it gives you something to do. Although admittedly it can be tedious as hell. No wonder Father was so eager to foist some of the financial duties upon me.” He wrinkled his nose. “That reminds me, where are you off to exactly?” Gaius arched a pale eyebrow. “You don’t exactly have many commitments at the moment, now that you’re a man of relative leisure.” He smirked. “Oh, you’re not intending on finding that slave of yours for some afternoon diversions? Have some shame, Germanicus! It’s broad daylight, and there are children present!” Gaius feigned shock. “How could you?”

“You’re impossible,” Germanicus replied, refusing to rise to the bait and lash out. “If you must know, I’m going to write Father a letter. I think it’s high time I go and see him.”

“Our little heart-to-heart inspired you, did it?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I’m glad you’re finally following in your awesome elder brother’s footsteps and becoming an upstanding son.”

Germanicus snorted and turned to leave. 

“Germanicus!”

“What now?”

“I’ll see you tonight at dinner, then?”

Silly question. “Yes, of course.” Without another word Germanicus left to pen what would surely be one of the more awkward letters of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a bit of headcanon here. In my little Roman AU I've imagined that Germanicus & co. are part of the Roman equestrian class, which was essentially the upper middle class. Those of Equestrian status owned land, businesses, and could run for political office. Some even rose to senatorial ranks. This idea has been further supported by my thinking that Germanicus' father (Germania) would have actually been born a non-Roman citizen, but earned citizenship and land after military service. The equestrian rank was open to all Roman citizens, whether they were Roman by birth or not. Also, Germanicus was appointed a Tribune Militum, which was a very high rank attainable by individuals of virtually any class. Anyway, I've always imagined that much of the family's wealth comes from some business owned by Germania- I've chosen "exports" because that was a legitimately lucrative business available to equestrians, and also because it is a fairly self-explanatory business. I am far to lazy (and uninformed) to delve into the minutiae of this fictional exportation business, hehe.
> 
> Also, the penalties instated by Augustus on the unmarried that Gaius was referring to were part of the lex Julia de maritandis ordinibus, which was essentially a law created to improve overall morality and increase the birth rate amidst the higher classes. Usually the unmarried or childless were fined, while those with many children were given various monetary rewards. Anyway, thanks for reading and being patient with my general Roman nerd-dom.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much happens in this chapter, but more drama lies ahead. Rather than just go with my initial plan of stopping here and giving an all-explanatory epilogue, I am going to flesh out some characters and situations some more! Anything not explored will be covered in my other fic, Vir Est Hominis Confusio. And don't worry, no matter how long it takes me to update, I will finish this! Even if it takes me years, I will finish this! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you for reading!

As anticipated, Germanicus’ father had insisted that he visit as soon as humanly possible, and wasted no time in inviting both Germanicus and Gaius over for dinner. It had been far too long since he had seen both of his sons under one roof, apparently.

“Don’t you dare try to get out of this,” Gaius warned a few hours before The Dinner was to commence.

“Of course I won’t.” Germanicus frowned. “Normally you’re the one trying to get out of things.”

“Yes, but whenever you’ve tried to get out of something, you’ve succeeded.”

“The only things I’ve ever tried to get out of have been your and Gallus’ drunken trips to brothels,” Germanicus grumbled.

“And you always succeeded, even though it was two against one. Your skiving powers are legendary.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes, refusing to participate in his brother’s pointless banter any longer. “We should leave soon. You know how Father gets when we’re late.”

“Yes, the exact same way you get when anyone is late.” Gaius grinned at his brother’s scowl. “So. I bet you a night with a reasonably attractive whore that Father tries to bring up the topic of marriage before we finish the second course.”

“That’s revolting. You are a married man.”

“A fellatrix, then.”

“Do you never feel the slightest twinge of shame when you’re carrying on like this, or is that beyond your capabilities?”

Gaius snorted. “Aww, don’t tell me that my sweet baby brother believes in absolute monogamy between spouses?”

“Of course not. I am merely concerned by how much you flaunt your infidelities.”

“The way I see it, I’m actually doing my long-suffering wife a favor. She’s had three children in as many years. I’m giving her a much needed break.”

Germanicus considered Gaius’ words for a moment. His brother did seem to have a point. He sighed. “Nonetheless, I refuse to bet on something so… so… inconsequential. It is pointless to do so.”

“You are the opposite of fun. I pity the woman who has to marry you.”

“Nobody has to marry me at the moment!” Germanicus snapped. 

“I am pleased for the women of Rome for the time being.”

“Do you think that Father might not be able to find anyone who will marry me?” Germanicus involuntarily let hopefulness creep into his voice.

“Oh he’ll find someone who will marry you, or at least someone whose father can make marry you.” 

“I wouldn’t think that anyone would be particularly interested in marrying me.”

A chuckle slipped from Gaius’ lips. “Are you serious? You’re reasonably attractive—not nearly as much as I am, but who is—, come from a respectable line, and you’ve held a reputable military post. This coupled with the fact that not many woman have had the pleasure of you ordering them about means that you will have no shortage of eligible women queuing up to bear your children.”

“I see.” 

“Besides, it’s not so bad. You’ll be able to pick out a good-looking woman, marry her, stick your dick into her a few times until she gives you children, all while having your way with that slave of yours.”

“You make it sound so appealing.” Germanicus rolled his blue eyes skyward for the thirty-seventh time that afternoon.

“Your eyes will get stuck like that if you’re not careful,” Gaius joked. “Actually, maybe you should just keep rolling your eyes. That coupled with the permanent scowl you wear might just keep the women away.”

“If you don’t shut up your wife will be widowed very soon.”

“Has anyone ever told you how delightful you are?”

Germanicus did not bother to respond, remaining silent for the duration of the walk to his father’s house.

*** 

Germanicus’ father was elated to see his younger son safe and in one piece. At least, Germanicus assumed that he was elated, seeing as how the older man allowed a smile to ghost across his stern face before giving Germanicus a firm embrace coupled with a firm clap on the back. The usual pleasantries were exchanged, and Germanicus was surprised to notice that Romulus was not present. 

“Father, where is Romulus? Isn’t he always present at your dinners?”

“I told Romulus that I would prefer to have a dinner with my sons alone tonight.”

“Ah, I see.” Germanicus nodded. “Where is Melicus? You did adopt him as a son if I recall correctly.”

“Melicus is ill and could not come.” Germanicus’ father waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry; it’s nothing serious.”

“That’s good,” Germanicus replied. “I haven’t heard from him at all recently. Is he all right?”

His father rolled his eyes. “He’s still childless, despite having been married for years. You know, I’ve advised him to think about getting a divorce and marrying someone who has already proven their fertility, but he won’t listen. I am beginning to wonder whether or not he and his wife even—“

“Can we please not talk about that insufferable bastard?” Gaius interjected harshly. Two pairs of blue eyes locked on the pale man, surprise at his outburst reflected in their pale irises.

“As you wish. Now,” the older man smiled at his sons, “shall we eat?”

As expected, Germanicus spent most of the meal answering any questions that his father had about the campaign in Pannonia: concerning the climate, the locals, the food, and his comrades. Finally the conversation landed on the topic of Germanicus’ injury. Despite having written his father months before, Germanicus was forced to retell the circumstances of his injury in meticulous detail. When he had finished, his father fixed him with a hard stare.

“So you will not go on military campaigns again, is that right?”

“That is correct, Father.”

“And has your leg healed correctly? I noticed that you had a very slight limp when you arrived.”

“It has, all things considered.” Germanicus glanced at the floor. “It will never be as it used to be, but it is better than having no leg at all.”

“Very.” The family patriarch nodded, sipping his wine thoughtfully. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again. “And now that you’re back, and likely to receive a pension—do you have any idea when that will be, oh, nevermind--- have you given any thought to settling down? You are more than old enough, and you will have your own house and lands soon.”

Gaius, who had remained conspicuously silent throughout the meal, snickered, only to obscure his face with his cup of wine when his brother shot a glare at him.

“I can honestly say that I have not given it much thought.” Germanicus pursed his lips together. “I’ve been preoccupied.”

“I suppose that is only fair, given the circumstances. However,” his father took another drink, “I think that it is high time you get married. None of us is getting any younger, and Gaius has somehow managed to only produce daughters.”

“It is no fault of mine!” Gaius protested before being silenced by his father’s withering stare. The older man continued: “Now, Germanicus. I have taken the liberty of looking into the matter for you. I know that you have always been strangely adverse to marriage, and that you would very probably avoid the topic for as long as possible. As you know, we can’t have that. Caesar Augustus has made it clear that bachelors will be penalized in some way, and we can’t have our family looking irresponsible because you don’t want to settle down.” He glanced over at Gaius. “If your brother has managed to settle down, so can you.”

“Surely I have some say in this? Who are you planning on having me marry anyway?” 

“Don’t give me that tone. Now, there are a few possible candidates. One is Julia Agrippina- she’s been married before, but there was no issue; her husband died suddenly soon after marriage—there’s Lentulus’ daughter, Drusilla; a bit young, fifteen I think, but she seems nice enough, and also…”

Germanicus let his father’s words wash over him, not paying much attention to them at all. He caught Gaius smirking at him from across the table, but he paid his brother no heed. There was no way he would honor Gaius’ one-sided wager. He narrowed his eyes at Gaius who was discreetly making an obscene hand gesture. What a revolting man. Sometimes it was inconceivable that they were related…

“Germanicus?”

Germanicus abruptly turned to face his father. “Yes?”

“What do you think?”

“I… think that I shouldn’t rush into something like this. I really should think it over. Perhaps meet the women before deciding which would be the most suitable wife.”

“Germanicus, this is marriage, not a military campaign,” his father remarked dryly. 

“I just don’t think that anything can be gained by rushing into anything. This applies to me and the person I marry. What if the poor girl hates me? What if she finds me repulsive? It’s hardly fair.”

“As long as she is from a good family, of a respectable disposition and in good health, everything will be fine.” The older man’s voice held a tone of finality. The matter was no longer up for discussion. Once the topic of marriage had been tabled, the conversation drifted in a more lighthearted direction. Germanicus did not contribute much; he resigned himself to smiling and nodding at appropriate intervals whilst he pondered his father’s earlier declarations.

 

*** 

“I told you Father would bring up marriage! That’s a night at a brothel you owe me.” Gaius clapped his brother on the back gleefully as the two men made their way home.

“I will not be an accessory to your infidelities.” Germanicus scowled. His mood had soured after the earlier discussion, and had continued to worsen despite the consumption of far too much wine.

“Oh don’t sulk. Look at you. You’re like a sullen schoolboy who just got scolded.”

“I am not sulking. I am merely displeased with my prospects at the moment.”

“You are most definitely sulking. I know what you look like when you sulk.”

“I can sulk if I want to.”

“This is true, but you should stop. It’s a bad look on you.”

“I cannot help the fact that I am dreading to prospect of having to marry some girl I barely know just to keep our father happy.”

“This is coming from the man who once willingly led a charge into a horde of angry, desperate, and very probably drunk Cantabrians.” The pale man smiled. “Don’t worry! I keep telling you that it won’t be nearly as bad as you seem to think it is. Honestly, I really do not understand your extreme aversion to the whole business.”

“I believe that I have explained myself sufficiently a number of times before,” Germanicus snapped, wondering how his brother managed to be so nonchalant about everything.

“Oh you’ve explained yourself, just not sufficiently.” Gaius rolled his eyes before clapping the taller man on the back. “As I said, don’t worry.” Thin lips curved into a smirk. “Just think of it as a battle command. I know that you’re the last person to shirk duty. Or,” his voice dropped to barely above a whisper, “just tell yourself that you will be doing your bit to ensure that our family’s good name remains intact. People will talk if you remain a perpetual bachelor, Germanicus. The occasional dalliance is fine, but you can’t let everyone believe that you make a habit of carrying on with other men. You know as well as I do that discretion is important in these matters. Emotions should play no part in marriage, and you know it.”

Germanicus had to admit that for once, his brother had a point. Despite this, he couldn't help but feel that it would be wrong to cuckhold anybody, loveless arrangement or not. He would have to think carefully on the matter. In any case, he would wait until his pension was awarded to him. The sooner he could leave the city the better. That way he would at least be able to avoid his father's pestering.

The two men arrived at Gaius’ house without further incident, save for Gaius trying to wander off in the direction of the more reputable brothels. Naturally, upon their return Gaius wanted to drink more, but Germanicus insisted that he was tired and made his way to his room. Much to his surprise, his bed was unoccupied by his perpetually sleepy slave. Germanicus had given up trying to instill any semblance of a work ethic in the man. 

He had just finished disrobing when a light knock sounded at the door. “Yes? Who is it?” he called, knowing full well that Feli stood outside the door. He had grown intimately familiar with the other man’s knock.

“May I come in, Dominus?” 

“Yes, of course.” Germanicus did not look up when his slave entered the room, focusing instead on refolding the newly laundered tunics that sat on a stool nearby.  
“Dominus?”

“Yes? What do you want?” Germanicus replied, still not looking up.

“Your brother told me to ask whether you needed anything before going to bed.”

Germanicus glanced up. “I do not require anything,” he replied, folding the last tunic and placing it on the neatly formed pile. He regarded his slave for a moment, taking in his slightly mussed hair and disheveled tunic. “What have you been up to? I was surprised to not find you in my bed.”

“Oh!” Feli’s face brightened. “I was playing with your brother’s daughters, Dominus. They are so cute and tiny! I bet that they will be very beautiful someday.”

“No doubt.” Germanicus smiled. “Do you often look after the children?”

“Not too often, no. But your brother’s wife let’s me play with them and comb their hair. Their hair is so lovely and soft! It is the most beautiful hair I have ever seen, except for yours of course.” He grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Why must you lavish such silly compliments upon me?” Germanicus grumbled, sitting on the edge of his bed. “I am not a woman; I neither need nor deserve flattery.”

“I only speak the truth.” Feli scooted over and joined his master on the bed. “I heard that you saw your father. Was that nice? I bet it was nice.”

Germanicus paused. “It was…. It was all right. My father is in good health.”

“You don’t seem too pleased, Dominus.”

Feli always seemed to have keen powers of perception. “My father can be,” he considered the possible word choices, “a difficult man sometimes.”

“I do not understand, Dominus.”

Germanicus sighed, briefly wondering why he was about to try and explain his situation to the person least likely to understand, but proceeded regardless. “When my father gets an idea in his head, it is very difficult to change his mind.”

“Just like you, Dominus!” Feli chimed in brightly. “And your brother, come to think of it;”

“I have had enough trouble today without your silliness.” Germanicus scowled before continuing. “What I mean to say is, my father has made some decisions regarding my future that I do not entirely agree with, and it seems that I have no choice in the matter.”  
“What is it, Dominus?” Feli’s eyes widened and suddenly filled with concern. “He isn’t making you leave again, is he? Are you going back to battle? You can’t, Dominus! I won’t allow it.”

“You don’t have any say in what I do,” Germanicus reminded gruffly, trying in vain to hide the half smile that crept onto his face. “Anyway, that is not what this is about. My father wants me to marry someone, and I do not.”

“Do you not like her?”

“I don’t even know who I am going to marry at this point.”

Feli frowned. “I do not see the problem, Dominus.”

“How can you not see the problem?” Germanicus huffed, exasperated. “Surely even you should be able to see why this is a less than ideal situation.”

“But Dominus, you would have a wife who would love you.” Amber eyes crinkled at the corners as the slave smiled softly. “Wouldn’t that make you happy?”

“Unfortunately marriage doesn’t work like that.” Germanicus fell silent, staring at a hairline crack in the wall.

Feli fell silent, his indomitable optimism seemingly overcome by the gravity of the situation. He chewed his bottom lip, occasionally glancing over at his sullen master. “But Dominus,” he piped up suddenly, his face lighting up, “you’ll get to have children! Wouldn’t that make you happy?”

“What?”

“You’ll have lots of tiny children! And they’ll be so cute, Dominus! Even cuter than your brother’s children, I think. Would I get to play with them? Please say I can play with them, Dominus!”

“I haven’t even agreed to marry anyone yet, and you are not allowed to have any say in my potential children!”

Feli was silent for a fraction of a second before launching into a rant about how Germanicus would have to find someone with blonde hair as well so that his children would be sure to be blonde as well, and how he would have to have at least five, a mix of boys and girls, each one cuter than the last. Germanicus could only sit dumbfounded on the bed, simultaneously wanting to laugh, hug, shout at, or throttle the bubbly slave. Irritation won out, and he firmly grasped the slighter man’s arm and shook him. “Must you make light of the situation?” he barked, glaring into Feli’s startled eyes. “Idiot! You never think, do you? Nothing is ever as simple as you make it out to be.”

When Feli’s face fell Germanicus expected the man to leave, but to his surprise Feli did not move. They sat in silence; Germanicus could feel his blood pounding in his temples. Finally, he let out a loud sigh and held his head in his hands. “Feli,” he began, unable to look his slave in the eye, “if I do ever get married, I will have to send you away.”

“But Dominus—“ 

Germanicus interrupted. “No, Feli. You will have to leave.”

“But, why?”

Germanicus turned to face the auburn haired man, blue eyes boring into amber. “You know why.” When Feli did not respond, he continued. “I am tired. Please leave me be. I don’t need anything else tonight.”

To his surprise, Feli complied, leaving without a word. As soon as the door clicked shut Germanicus prepared himself for bed. Guilt at what he had just said began to creep into his mind, but he told himself that he had done what was necessary. Feli must have known, he had to have known, that if Germanicus were to marry they would not be able to continue acting as they had been. It would be shameful and utterly inappropriate, no matter how many times Gaius insisted otherwise. He would not inflict such scandal upon anyone, no matter how much is pained him, and Germanicus had come to terms with the fact that his resolve would utterly crumble unless Feli was not around. He wouldn’t just send him anywhere, of course. Germanicus closed his eyes. He would give him his freedom, some money, perhaps enough to buy a small plot of land. Feli would be happier, surely. Despite himself, Germanicus groaned. No matter how much he rationalized it, the idea of sending his daft slave away made his chest ache. So engrossed was he in his thoughts, Germanicus did not notice the door opening.

“Dominus!” Germanicus had only a fraction of a second to prepare himself for the onslaught that was to come, and the sudden impact of Feli launching himself onto him caused a grunt of discomfort to escape his lips.

“What are you doing?” Germanicus sputtered, trying to push the man off of his supine form. “I told you to leave! Get out!”

“No Dominus!” Feli clung to his master for dear life. “Please do not send me away! I will do anything. Anything!”

“I’m not sending you anywhere right now.” Germanicus managed to shove the smaller man off of him, and sat up. “Although, right now, I am tempted to put you on the next ship to Judea.”

“Please no! I can’t go to Judea! I hate boats! And deserts! Don’t make me leave!” 

“I wasn’t being serious just then.” Germanicus yawned, rolling his eyes simultaneously. 

“But you were earlier!” Feli insisted, grabbing onto one of Germanicus’ large hands. “I know that I haven’t been the most obedient, or the most helpful, or the most hardworking person, but surely I am good enough to stay!”

“No one is going anywhere right now.” Germanicus lied back down, smiling in spite of himself when he felt Feli do likewise. “You know,” he began, staring into the blackness above him, “if I were to get married, we wouldn’t be able to do… this anymore.”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be right.”

“Why not?”

“It would be dishonorable.”

“But why?”

“Because that’s the way it is!” Germanicus snapped.

“It doesn’t matter, Dominus.” Feli snuggled closer, long slender fingers smoothing the blonde man’s hairline. “Just don’t send me away. Even if we can’t be like this, I want to stay with you. I want to stay with you always.”

*** 

“So you’ve been granted a modest villa in Rome? I’m rather jealous.” Gaius sipped his wine. “Although, I can’t say I’m very surprised. Your military achievements are nothing to scoff at.”

“I only did what was required of me.” Germanicus’ brow creased as he reread the letter he’d received for the fifth time. “I think that there must be some mistake, though. I am being informed of my appointment to the office of Quaestor.”

“What?” Gaius snatched the parchment away from his brother. “There is no mistake, brother. Your eyes are not deceiving you.”

“But I don’t understand, I have done nothing to deserve this appointment, nor am I qualified—“

“Oh shut up, of course you’re qualified!” Gaius grinned. “You’re disciplined, you’re organized, you’re respectable to a fault… you’ll be able to perform your duties easily. I think that you should be proud of this appointment!”

“I am humbled by it.”

“I would be envious, but I would literally die of boredom. Overseeing tax collection is not my idea of a fun time.”

“It is not meant to be fun!” Germanicus snapped. "It is a serious job that has no place for... for... dalliances."

“Of course you would say that.” Gaius chuckled. “Just think, though! You’ll be able to be involved with military finances as well. And you thought that you’d be stuck doing nothing forever.”

Germanicus couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of pride. Although he would not be in the field, he would still be of some use to Rome after all. 

“So when do you get to move to your shiny new villa?” Gaius snapped his fingers at a slave girl who immediately refilled his wine. “I want to see if it’s nicer than mine. If it is I won’t allow it, and we shall have to trade.” 

“Your home is closer to the brothels,” Germanicus reminded, trying to resist the urge to snicker.’

“Fine, fine.” Gaius waved his hand dismissively. “I am still eager to see your new abode. When will you move in?”

Germanicus pursed his lips. “It is available now, but there are many things that must be put into order: I need to obtain my own servants, furnishings, food…”

“That will not take long. We can have all those things ready by next week.”

“Are you sure? That seems like a short amount of time.”

“Of course I’m sure! I’ve had to move into my own home as well.”

“True.” Germanicus momentarily lapsed into a thoughtful silence. “Perhaps I should consult Melicus. I haven’t seen him in a long time and he would probably know about obtaining these things for a decent price,”

Gaius set his cup down with a loud clatter. “Leave that effeminate prick out of this. He will only make everything more complicated.”

“Is that so?” Germanicus arched an eyebrow. “As frustrating as he might be, the man can be useful in these matters.”

“Believe me, brother, it’s not worth it. Besides, I am much better at these things. And I won’t whine the whole time.”

“How considerate of you.”

“And,” Gaius’ eyes flashed mischievously, “we can celebrate afterwards. We can go out to a tavern and enjoy ourselves properly. “

“I hope that by ‘tavern’ you don’t actually mean ‘brothel.’ If you do, then I want nothing to do with it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Despite himself, Germanicus smiled. “Liar.”


	17. Author's Note: Please read!

Hi everyone! Just popping in to say that I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever. Life has been kind of hectic! But don't worry, this fic isn't abandoned! It's just taking me longer than usual to write at the moment. Thank you for your patience!

Maybe, when I get the time, I might give you guys a stand alone chapter dedicated to fun sexy times as my way of saying thank you for bearing with my slowness.

Thanks again!  
~La Marquise


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for my long absence. Work really kicked my ass this past year. That and my computer malfunctioned and I lost a lot of my progress on this fic. But never fear! I'm not abandoning this. I will get it done (and my other one, too!) This chapter is mainly getting everything set up for the second half of the story, so it's not all that interesting, but drama lies ahead.
> 
> Thank you for reading and being patient with me for the past year!

Soft, flame-cast light flickered across dark, unadorned walls. It was late; that period of time between when the creatures of the night retired and the morning birds awoke. A time that was usually marked by utter, all-encompassing silence as all the world slept. Tonight, however, the silence was broken by soft grunts and groans, breathy words and the slap of skin on skin.

“Please, Dominus, m-more!” Feli clung to Germanicus’ muscled shoulders and held him close, his long slender legs were wrapped around his master’s torso, ankles locked. 

His gasped plea did not fall upon deaf ears, and Germanicus thrust into him harder, pausing intermittently as if to savor the warm tightness of being so deep inside. As he moved, Germanicus said nothing in response to Feli’s whispered encouragements, choosing instead to bury his face in the crook of the young man’s neck. With his mouth pressed against Feli’s sweaty skin, Germanicus was able to silence the embarrassing noises that were rising in his throat.

A sharp tug of his hair caused the blonde to draw back. Germanicus glanced down at the man beneath him confusedly only to be met with a sunny grin.

“Kiss me, Dominus.” Feli had grown much more confident in the weeks since Germanicus had finished the move from his brother’s house, and had somehow become even more vocal.

“Needy little thing, aren’t you?” Germanicus smiled despite himself before dipping down to honor Feli’s request. Feli’s lips were soft, as always. Germanicus never expected anything else and yet he still found himself marveling at them. His thrusts had temporarily ceased as he lost himself in the kiss, but an impatient pressing of heels into the small of his back spurred him onward.

Feli came first, his cries of pleasure muffled by Germanicus’ mouth as his body jerked and writhed. Germanicus finished soon after, a soft gasp the only thing to herald his release. 

As usual, Feli clung to Germanicus’ chest the moment he rolled off of him, snuggling as close as humanly possible and humming in contentment. It wasn’t long before their breaths evened out; Germanicus absently stroked Feli’s hair as the previous heat in the room dissipated, and soon the room was as silent as the rest of the sleeping world.

“Dominus?” As usual, Feli broke the silence.

“Hm?”

“Do I have to get up early tomorrow?”

With a roll of his eyes, Germanicus shook his head. “Not if you don’t want to.” It occurred to him then that over the past few weeks since leaving his brother’s house, he’d begun to view Feli as more of a companion than a servant, a fact that incited a flurry of mixed emotion within him. The impropriety of the situation was not lost upon him, and yet enforcing any household rules had proven to be exceedingly difficult; Feli seemed to have a knack for getting out of work that even Germanicus had grown to begrudgingly admire.

“Mm good.” Feli smiled sleepily. “Good night, Dominus.”

Germanicus did not reply, so lost was he in thought, but the soft, even breathing of his partner a few moments later made it clear that the man had fallen asleep.

*** 

“Are you serious?” Germanicus frowned at his father. Not two days had passed since Germanicus’ revelation about his slave’s household status when he’d received word from his father that his presence was requested as soon as possible. He supposed that he shouldn’t have been too surprised; his father had been suspiciously silent over the past month or so. It was to be expected that he’d have been summoned sooner or later.

The older man nodded. “I wouldn’t joke about such things, Germanicus. You should know better than to question that.”

“So you mean to tell me that you’ve gone and…and arranged this without consulting me in the slightest-“

“I haven’t arranged anything, other than for you to simply meet her.”

“Oh is that all?” Germanicus spat, furrowing his brow and crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn’t even tell me what you were planning, I could’ve at least—“

“You would’ve hemmed and hawed about it for days with no intention of coming to a conclusion. I felt it necessary to take control.”

Germanicus rolled his eyes, feeling a bit embarrassed at his own behavior but not caring. “I won’t do it.”

Pale eyes narrowed at him. “You will. Germanicus, I will not relent.”

Knowing that his father was not to be trifled with, Germanicus sighed in resignation. “Well, who is she?”

“The daughter of a senator. Never married before; she’d been engaged but her fiancé managed to die of typhus.”

“How… interesting.” Germanicus suppressed an eye roll. “How old is she?”

“She’s twenty-two.” His father sighed. “A bit old for a first time wife, but nothing to turn up your nose at.” His eyes narrowed. “You’d do well to keep an open mind when you meet her.”

For a few moments, Germanicus said nothing. He’d known that this would happen, and yet… He cleared his throat, pushing all misgivings to the side. “When am I to meet her?”

The older man offered a half smile. “Tomorrow, if possible.”

After a moment’s reflection, Germanicus steeled himself and nodded. “All right, but it must be brief. I have many things to attend to tomorrow.”

His father waved a dismissive hand. “Very well, very well. An hour at most is all I ask.”

Germanicus merely nodded in reply. As he left, he felt a twinge of regret in his chest. Silently, he berated himself; such foolhardy sentimentality would surely be his ruin.

***

“And this is Drusilla.” 

Germanicus turned to face the young women being presented to him and offered a polite nod. She was short, dark-haired, and admittedly very pretty in his opinion. 

Drusilla only smiled at him and gave him a quick little nod of her head before averting her eyes.

Her apparently shyness made Germanicus hesitant to initiate any conversation, and so he allowed silence to overtake him as he listened to the two family patriarchs discussing various arrangements. He glanced over at the young woman next to him, who was twiddling her thumbs and biting her lip. 

“Are you all right?” he whispered, suddenly feeling quite sorry for her. After all, she had no say in the matter whatsoever; he had some, at least.

“Yes.” She nodded for emphasis, eyes flickering up to briefly meet his. “A bit… overwhelmed. I didn’t know this meeting was going to happen until last night.”

“Same, to be honest.” Germanicus offered her what he hoped was a comforting smile. 

“Really?” Her eyes widened. “I thought for sure you’d at least have had some say in the matter.”

“My father is a… difficult man sometimes.” 

Drusilla giggled. “Mine too.”

“I suppose we have that in common at least.” Germanicus fell silent again, out of things to say. He’d never been able to master the art of small talk.

*** 

“Well?” Germanicus’ father looked at him expectantly.

“Well what?” The meeting had ended, and Germanicus was eager to take his leave. Meeting new people had always been a difficult task for him, and he felt tired and drained, desperately in need of sleep and solitude.

“What did you think of her?”

Germanicus shrugged. “She seemed nice. Very quiet. Polite.”

“Good. She’s educated too, you know.”

“Father, what are you getting at?” Germanicus sighed impatiently. “I met up with her, but I’d like to go home. I have a lot of business to attend to tomorrow, and the sooner I can leave the better.”

The older man waved a dismissive hand. “All right, all right. But think on it. She’s from a good family, and is of reputable temperament. You’d be hard-pressed to do better.”

Germanicus only nodded in reply as he readied himself to leave. The very thought of marriage was distasteful to him, but he knew that his father’s words bore elements of truth. If he remained a bachelor forever then there would be talk. Despite his reluctance to marry, Germanicus was even less willing to besmirch his family’s good name. His father was right: he would do well to think more on the matter. 

A sudden thought occurred to him, and he felt his chest tighten. He’d not mentioned anything to Feli. Not since their conversation some weeks ago, anyway. Germanicus hadn’t the stomach for it. He’d not even managed to tell the other man why he was out today. He shook his head, silently berating himself. This was utterly ridiculous. Feli was his slave, and had no influence in Germanicus’ decisions whatsoever. He’d accept what Germanicus had to say, and that would be the end of the matter.  
Even as he left his father’s house and made his way home, however, the growing pit in Germanicus’ stomach served to further expose the lie he’d told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering why all the emphasis on marriage: in an earlier chapter I put in the notes something about emperor Augustus instating fines on people who didn't marry/have children. Because of this, unmarried men were seen as scoundrels (especially if they were perpetual bachelors) and that might hinder their political/professional career. Also, in this time period the oldest male of the family had the final say in most things, which is why Germanicus isn't just being all "screw you dad!" Anyway, I hope you liked it!


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